


Embers in the Dark

by thetreesgrowodd



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: 1990s, Abduction, Alternate Universe, Betaed, Dark, Death, Demons, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, Everybody wants Leo!, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Imprisonment, Interspecies, Magic, Manipulation, Multi, No guarantee of a happy ending, Non Consensual, Novel, OT4, Raph is gay and proud!, References to abusive incest between children (minor characters), Secrets, Seduction, Sibling Incest, Supernatural Elements, Transformation, Turtle Anatomy, Turtlecest, Underage Sex, Violence, magick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:02:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetreesgrowodd/pseuds/thetreesgrowodd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Strange things happen in a mysteriously forgotten tangle of alleyways and deserted buildings in New York City. Those who go in rarely return. Some come back <i>wrong.</i></p><p>Karai sends in the turtles to investigate, as part of their alliance with the Foot Clan following Master Splinter's disappearance five years ago. Dependent on Karai for training, support, and protection, Leonardo is willing to give up a lot — even sacrifice his own integrity.</p><p>But unraveling the mysteries will also bring to light other hidden things — even the turtles' most desperately guarded secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tea Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to abcd1979 and hummerhouse for betaing!
> 
>  
> 
> _Please note that I chose not to use AO3's warnings. This means I left some things unwarned for so that the warnings wouldn't spoil plot points or create false expectations._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo - Prologue

When Leonardo had met Saki in his office that day, he had been nervous. But he had never considered that Saki, a man he trusted and relied on, might do what he had done. Leo had spent his life preparing for battle, for any attack of any kind — or so he had thought. He believed he was prepared for anything, but he never thought that one day he might have to even kill Saki.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Leonardo-kun," Oroku Saki said with a slight bow of his head.

"Thank you for inviting me," Leo replied with a deeper bow, before kneeling at the table where Saki was pouring tea.

"The weather has been quite pleasant," Saki said, setting Leo's cup in front of him.

"Yes. Very nice." Leo sipped his tea.

"Have the books I loaned you been adequate? It is no easy task to learn a physical art from mere written word and crude illustration."

"Yes. We're getting by, thank you. We're very grateful to you and the Foot for helping us complete our training," Leo said sincerely, although this small talk was killing him. He suspected Saki had brought him here to deliver bad news, and he just wanted to get it over with.

"The Foot is privileged to do so," Saki said, studying Leo's face placidly. "Shall we 'get down to business,' as you Americans say? There has still been no sign of your missing master."

Leo let out a breath and the teacup in his hand involuntarily quavered. "I see. Thank you for helping us search for him."

"Certainly." Saki smiled, lips closed. "While it is quite a shame your own master is gone, it has presented a unique opportunity for the association of our two clans. Which leads me to the reason I brought you here. I would like to discuss a proposition with you."

Work, that was what it was really about. It was what they had agreed to, after all, the Foot's protection and assistance in completing their training in exchange for occasional work. What else could four young ninja with incomplete training offer an organization like the Foot Clan?

"The structure of the Foot Clan is being evaluated for possible changes." Saki cradled his teacup. "I have a position in mind for you, but I would like to get your opinion of how your own clan will function in your absence."

Without him? Leo tensed. In the months without Splinter, he and his brothers had struggled to take care of themselves. Every day, Leo still had so much to do — keeping them motivated, organizing meals and training, stopping them from just sitting in front of the TV and giving up — they were still fighting just to keep their heads above water. If there hadn't been such strong bonds between the four of them, Leo wasn't sure they would have even made it this far. No, his brothers needed him more than the Foot Clan possibly could.

Saki pressed on. "For example, is one of them prepared to step up and assume your role as leader?"

"None of them are prepared. We've never really talked about it," Leo said, feeling negligent.

"Well, never mind that. More importantly, how dedicated are they to the Foot?"

The sensation of nervousness in Leo's stomach was getting worse. He sipped his tea trying to ease it and to give himself a moment to come up with a reply. This really sounded like the Foot would be taking Leo away completely, and Saki was worried about his brothers falling into line without him. He needed a gracious way of turning Saki down, one that wouldn't compromise their relationship with the Foot.

"I ask this because an ally of mine has come here from Japan, and wishes to make changes to the Foot Clan. Some of the changes are against my will," Saki said calmly. "I have a very important task for you, one that will aid me greatly in this matter."

"So, I would be on your side, fighting against this person who is trying to make changes to the Foot?"

"Of course."

"I need to know more specifics about this arrangement, like how long it would be for," Leo said cautiously. "I'm honored by your offer, but I may have to decline. My brothers need me."

"You know, Leonardo-kun, my Foot ninja would have agreed blindly. Could it be you've been without a master long enough to forget how to follow orders loyally? Or perhaps you're simply too American," Saki spoke lightly, refilling Leo's teacup.

"Surely one of your followers would be more qualified than I am."

"No. It has to be you, or one of your kind. If you refuse, then you will have to select one of your brothers for the position."

Leo stared at Saki, surprised. "Why one of us?"

Saki met his eyes. "The tortoise, being such a unique creature, has certain energies, certain properties in many different belief systems. When I met you and your brothers, I knew I had to make you my allies. I planned to hold you in reserve until such a time as you were needed. I didn't realize the time would come so soon, but I absolutely must stop this interloper. The very future of the Foot Clan, as I have shaped it, is under threat, so I must use all options available to me. What you would call 'eastern mysticism' has been a long tradition in the Foot when more practical methods fail."

"What would that mean to myself or my brothers?" Leo asked. His gut was telling him to get out.

Saki didn't answer. He toyed with his full teacup. "Your master must have known. He can only have been waiting for the right moment to use you for himself. Otherwise he would have warned you of the lengths some people would be willing to go to, to get their hands on you. More tea?"

The tea. Leo had drunk more than a cupful already. Was it his imagination or did he feel dizzy? Had Saki drunk any of it? Leo looked at Saki's cup.

Just then, there was a sharp stinging sensation in his thigh. He jumped and looked down to see Saki's hand pressing a syringe into Leo's leg under the table. Saki pulled it back out as Leo got to his feet. Leo reached automatically for his katana, but he'd taken them off before coming in. It was mandatory.

Saki stood too and threw the empty syringe aside. "Don't look so panicked. It's just a precaution to keep you from struggling and hurting yourself."

There had to be something Leo could use as a weapon. He looked at the table. Tea pot, tea cups, no utensils, not much there. His back was to a bare wall, and there was nothing else within reach.

"You suspected the tea was drugged, didn't you? Such a cliché. But an effective distraction." Saki smiled.

He had to disable Saki before the drug completely took effect. Pretending it was already having an effect on him, he fell to his knees. But he hadn't needed to pretend. He was already losing control, and he had fallen harder than he'd meant to. He threw his teacup at Saki's face with shaking hands, but didn't see the results since the motion had put him off balance and he'd fallen forward onto the table. He was already too weak to incapacitate Saki with force or blunt objects. He needed a blade. And a lot of luck.

Leo looked up at Saki and white dots flickered in his vision. As he tried to sit up, he clumsily knocked the teapot over. With sudden inspiration, Leo grasped it by the spout and smashed it against the side of the table. It broke as perfectly as he could have hoped for — one of the broken shards was a large triangle with a sharp point, the opposite side was smooth and slightly rounded, part of the opening at the top of the teapot. It fit nicely against his palm. Under normal circumstances, it could have served him as a deadly weapon — but it would only serve him now if he still had his wits and his coordination.

"Ah, the teapot. I knew you'd go for that. It's not my regular one, just an inexpensive one from Little Tokyo. You should have noticed that right off."

Leo got to his feet slowly, using the wall for support.

"Actually, the teapot was my second guess of what you'd do. The first was that you would submit mindlessly." Saki smiled and sighed as if in amused disappointment. "No matter. Once this business is resolved, and I report your most honorable death in battle defending me from my foe to your brothers, I'll still have the three of them in reserve. I'll have three more chances to see if they will roll over, belly up and submit."

The taunt was almost lost on Leo, who was concentrating hard on standing up. But it reminded him that his brothers were still targets for Saki and didn't even know they were in danger. He would fight with his last bit of strength. Even a scratch on Saki's face might clue them in that something was wrong, a sign that his account of Leo's death was a lie, that they needed break ties with the Foot. He flung the shard, spinning, straight at Saki's eye. Or he tried to. Instead it hit Saki's chest with its broad side and bounced off harmlessly, clattering back onto the table. It had been so feeble, Saki hadn't even bothered to deflect it.

It was too late. Leo's legs wouldn't hold him. He slid back down the wall, fighting his own body as the room got dark. He was only half aware of Saki coming to stand over him. Leo was still thinking of ways to defend himself, but they all turned into gibberish and disjointed dream imagery, and he struggled to snap himself back to awareness over and over.

Saki rolled Leo over. Belly up, just like he'd said. He was muttering something and his hands slid all over Leo — up his thighs, then sliding from his head to his shoulders, then tracing the lines of his plastron. No, he couldn't be — he wouldn't — why would he —? It felt too real to be a distortion caused by the drug — Saki really was touching him there...

A door slid open hard. "Saki!" It was a woman's voice. Saki stood up and positioned himself, almost protectively, between her and Leo.

"Karai-san, how kind of you to be concerned. My guest is feeling unwell, but there is no need to get the medics involved."

Leo turned his head and found her, framed against the open door. The room swam, but somehow his vision cleared for an instant. They made eye contact.

Nearly too fast to see, she tried to kick Saki away from Leo. He ducked away from it, and for the first time Leo saw the knife in his hand.

"How dare you?" Saki growled, lunging at her.

So numb in mind and body that he seemed to be only acting on instinct, Leo fumbled on the table until he found the teapot shard and held it tight. The fight was still going in — the woman was holding her own against Saki, despite being unarmed. Then, as if she and Leo had planned it ahead of time, she drove him back toward Leo. With Saki distracted and off balance, Leo used all his remaining strength to rock himself up, grab a fistful of Saki's clothing, and pull him back down, using his own body weight and Saki's momentum. Saki landed hard on top of Leo — and on top of the teapot shard that Leo held in his other hand, braced on top of his plastron, point up.

Leo barely registered what had happened before he blacked out.

When Leo woke up, it was impossible to guess how much time had passed. He still felt groggy and disoriented, but not as weak. He was in a different room, perhaps an office. When he put his hand out, it touched his sheathed katana. The Foot had returned them, a gesture that could only mean he was safe, at least for now. He pulled them close to himself and drifted in a gray state for an infinite moment.

The light clicked on. "Are you awake?"

"Yes," Leo said, hoarsely. He sat up with some effort and faced the woman from before. She looked tidy and unfazed.

"We have tended your wounds. The drug Saki used should have no lasting damage, but you may continue to experience fatigue for a day or so. You may stay and rest if you like, but you are free to go. You are very lucky. Most individuals Saki decided to kill never lived long enough to know about it. You may well be the first."

"Why does he want to kill me?"

"We may never know, but it doesn't matter. Saki is dead," she said, her voice even, businesslike.

Leo stared at her. It seemed to take him a long time to process her words. "Did… did I kill him?" Leo asked, feeling numb. "The Foot Clan will…" he picked up his katana and got to his feet, a little unsteadily.

"Will do nothing to you. You are still an honored associate of the Foot Clan."

"But…"

"Please sit and recover your strength. The Foot will not take revenge on you over this matter. I swear it."

Leo stared at her. He hadn't really questioned who she was before. A skilled ninja, clearly, more than just another faceless lackey. But he had assumed she was perhaps Saki's mistress or the public face of the Foot's 'official' business, more involved in politics than killing. Clearly she was more than that. He sat down.

"At any rate, you are not solely responsible for his death. I had been waiting for an opportune moment to remove him. I have been investigating Saki for weeks. I am the interloper he spoke of. I knew he would soon try something drastic. He was quite desperate to evade the changes I had planned. I was watching and listening and I saw his attack on you. It was most dishonorable. I know all about your small clan and your special arrangement with the Foot — as I was the one who approved it. I am Karai. I am the leader of the Foot Clan."

She leaned against a desk and gave Leo a small smile. "I am impressed with your abilities, Leonardo-san. Despite being injected with a fast-acting drug and having no weapons, not to mention your tender age and incomplete training, you inflicted a serious, potentially fatal wound on Saki. I then took his knife and killed him. It was an appropriate punishment for attacking me. So really, your attack served to protect me, and shall be rewarded."

Leo nodded, feeling stunned.

"I am sorry that I must leave you so quickly, but I have much to attend to. I wish for you to return to see me in two weeks' time. Use the back entrance — my people will be expecting you and will bring you to me." Then she left. Leo, alone, tried to process everything that had happened.

He got to his feet slowly, testing his balance, making sure every part of him was alright. Something still felt wrong. With a jolt he realized what it was. Something wasn't quite right — there. He was tucked away like normal, inside his cloaca, but not in the right position. Not the way he always did it. As if someone unfamiliar with his body had stuffed it back up. Maybe the medics, for some legitimate medical reason... had he been unconscious enough to need a catheter?

No. He knew. He had been right earlier about what Saki had been doing. Saki had touched him there. Leo had been too disoriented from the drug to realize he'd been exposed at the time, but Karai, the new leader of the Foot, must have seen him. Maybe she had even been the one to tuck him away before the medics arrived, to avoid any speculation about what had been going on. In embarrassment and confusion, he left quickly.

When he got home and told his brothers about his ordeal, he omitted some details.


	2. Adrenaline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo - Part 1.1
> 
> _Several years later..._

"There's a kid down there. Probably another gang initiate," Raph said from his spot inside the window frame. The glass was long gone. Raph, arms crossed, was sitting sideways in it.

Leo leaned out the window nearest him. Down at street level was a guy who couldn't be any older than they were, wearing recognizable gang colors. He was swaggering along, but his gut had to be warning him, like everyone's did.

"Get ready to move if he gets out of sight," Leo said, although they had chosen this building because they could see the broadest stretch of the alley from it.

The kid drew a knife and waited, his back to a wall, looking around.

"Now we wait," Raph sighed.

"Yup. We wait," Leo said, stepping back a pace from his window to keep out of sight.

"When will they learn? Their initiates never make it back."

"This one will," Leo said.

"Maybe they send the ones they know aren't good enough, to weed them out," suggested Don from across the room. He and Mike were staking out a window in the corner.

That day's rain had brought out the more unpleasant smells of this part of town, the dried urine and sewage and trash smell, reconstituted but not yet washed away. _How much rain would it take to accomplish that?_ Leo wondered. Nature still asserted some influence on New York City, even if it was weak.

They were in a hidden pocket of old alleyways. It seemed impossible that any area of New York City could be forgotten, but somehow this was. It was almost completely walled off by the newer buildings around it, and the ones within the area were deserted and rundown. Too narrow for cars, a poor choice for foot traffic, and too dangerous for loitering. Street people and gang members came here sometimes but never stayed for long, never got attached to it. Only those from the very fringes of society, those who had fallen through the cracks entirely seemed to find their way in. Leonardo and his brothers included.

They'd seen the remains of a few street people around here. They often lay in the back alleys for days before anyone removed their bodies. Leo felt a kinship with the homeless. He and his brothers had been very nearly as badly off as they were at some times in their lives, and also excluded from human society.

An old, high, grey block wall marked the boundary on one side. Originally it must have marked the edge of someone's property, before the city swallowed it up. Newer walls abutted it, newer buildings even straddled it — you could follow that wall right up to the edge of the building and then find it coming out of the other side again. The area was roughly wedge shaped and ran what must have been a few city blocks, but the paved alley only connected to the main streets in a few places. The other boundaries were other small alleys — to call them alleys almost gave them too much substance, they were really just leftover spaces between buildings, negative spaces. The buildings were tall and oddly blank on the side facing the main alley with few doors and windows, various styles and shapes.

The manhole covers were an older design, half the street lights were out. Trash accumulated — no garbage truck could have fitted into that space. The buildings contained within the borders were deserted and rundown, like the building they were currently in. It must have been an office building once, but it had been empty a while, judging by the dusty mimeograph machine Don had brought home from it.

What should have been a haven for people looking for a place to not be seen — for crime, for undisturbed places to sleep — was deserted. It was as if the streets around it naturally led people away, like fast currents in a river going around rocks. Some instinct or sixth sense kept people out, even those who had long dulled such senses. They didn't notice it — not even the people who worked in the nearby buildings. Casey, who lived only a few blocks away and knew all the back alleys, could only come up with a vague idea of where it was when they'd asked him about it. Most human's brains filtered it out so completely they didn't notice that they were missing anything. 

Most of them. But not all. Some wandered in.

"When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way," Mike sang, snapping his fingers, "like the worst Boba Fett with his tacky toupee."

"Lame," Don said.

"Ok then. When a hobbit, a hobbit comes to stay, you should feed him crumpets and call Gandalf the Grey."

Don snickered. "Better, kind of, but sloppy."

"Guys," Leo said simply. He'd mastered the art of making his voice heard over distances without speaking loudly and sounding authoritative naturally.

They fell silent.

All this time waiting, despite the occasional complaints and boredom that even Leo occasionally experienced, built a real sense of camaraderie between them. Quiet, unseen, unknowable things happened when they waited together for their prey. Bonding and trust and heightened anticipation. It was something Leo was vaguely aware of, but not yet able to verbalize.

That kid out there, he probably wouldn't wait much longer. Leo could read it in his body language. He'd seen the ones so determined to join their gang that a tidal wave couldn't have moved them, and then he saw the ones who walked into this alley, jumpy, just to keep from looking like a coward and turned tail two minutes later.

 _Go on, kid, walk away. Let us deal with this, we're the pros,_ Leo thought.

It had been a quiet night so far. In fact, before this kid walked in, Leo had been close to letting them all go home. Some nights were like that, nothing happened. They'd be eager to get home.

They had called this _Demon Alley_ , for the type of prey they fought here, until one memorable night when Mikey had mangled it into _Dementoid Alley_ and they'd gone on calling it that. But even the word _demon_ wasn't completely accurate. They didn't know what they really were. _Demon_ was just the word Karai used for them, and Leo hadn't found a word that fit them better, although he would have liked to make them sound less other-worldly. Leo thought they made great real-world practice. 

"'Real-world practice,'" Raph had said, when Leo voiced that opinion. "There's nothing 'real-world' about those things."

Leo knew he would prefer his usual petty criminals and thugs that he fought with Casey, but these demons gave them all different kinds of experience, and Leo wanted them to have it.

It was another cold, uneventful thirty minutes before something happened. The kid had lasted longer than Leo had thought. They heard the sound of rustling wings, massive wings, like a flag snapping in a strong wind. So it was a flyer tonight. Raph shifted and crouched, slipping his sais off of his belt.

"Don, Mike," Leo said. Wordlessly the two of them went down the stairs to street level. Leo, too, crouched down at his window.

The kid heard it now too and was looking up from roof to roof, nearly dancing on the balls of his feet with the knife in his hand.

"C'mon dumbass, run for it," Raph muttered. "We can do this easier without you."

Then it was so close that the gust of wind from its wings whipped Leo's mask tails around — and there it was, flying down into the alley below for its next meal.

The kid saw it and turned to run for cover in the narrower alley behind him. Not that it would do him any good.

Raph leaned forward, watching the descending demon, waiting for the exact right moment to act. Leo felt the tension in his own body, his own muscles, as if he were the one about to strike, or as if he and Raphael were about to strike simultaneously. But he didn't comment or prompt Raph, just observed. They'd done this before. Raph knew what to do.

Raph threw both sais, spinning, at the exact moment Leo's mind had said, _now!_ They met the demon which spun and snarled in their direction. One sai rebounded off of it, landing out in the open below, and the other clattered into the narrow alley across from them, lost in the garbage there.

The demon's dive turned into a spiraling fall. One of the black, leathery wings was ripped clear through from the sai. After a lot of trial and error, this was the only effective method they'd found of fighting the flying types of demons — by taking away the advantage of flight.

Mike and Don darted out to intercept it.

"Get out of here dude, go! Go!" Mikey shouted at the back of the running kid, already heading back in the direction he'd come from. Mike deflected the creature with a high kick.

Don had his handheld computer out, aiming it at the demon.

"Don, keep your eye on it!" Leo shouted down at him.

"You know I can fight and use this simulta-" Don ducked as the creature lunged lopsidedly at him. Don slid a little across the wet pavement, but recovered in time to deliver an effective blow that made the creature stagger. Mike sprang up behind it and got in a few hits with his chucks, before the demon turned toward him and raked at him with its talons. They scraped harmlessly across Mike's shell as he dodged it. That was a little closer than Leo liked, maybe they should train more on evasion soon.

"Come on," Leo said, running for the stairs.

"I'd like to see you throwing a weapon for once," grumbled Raph, now unarmed. "Or even _drawing_ a weapon."

"Different weapons are suited for different things," Leo said. "You know we don't have any other weapons to puncture the wings. Shuriken are too light. You take it down to the ground, Don and Mike finish it with blunt damage."

"Which is nice for you, since it leaves you out entirely."

"Hardly." As if observing and training his brothers in real-world combat were easy.

"Whatever, let's just get out there and help Don and Mikey."

As they ran out at street level, they could hear Mike's chucks making repeated — and crushing — contact.

At a glance, aside from them and the demon, this warren of alleyways was empty and quiet. Raph grabbed up one sai — the one that had bounced harmlessly off of the demon — and they hurried to join the fight, but it was too late. The demon was lying at Mike's feet, unmoving. Mike was still watching it with his nunchucks in a ready position and Don was poking it with his bo and aiming his computer at it.

"Don, you and that thing —" Leo started, gesturing at the computer.

"I'm gathering data about these things, Leo." Don gave him a look. "I know you want us to practice fighting them, but we can't go on doing this indefinitely. Don't you wonder what they are and where they've come from? I'm just trying to look for patterns, figure this out."

"Fine, but wait until the danger's passed," Leo said. Answering those questions wasn't their job, but he wouldn't convince Don not to wonder. He couldn't help it himself.

He bent over the creature, cautiously. When he was certain it was dead, he spread the wing. He disliked the feel of it, and found the combination of leathery skin and feathers unnatural. He plucked out the longest red feather that grew sparsely at the center and secured it in a pouch on his belt.


	3. Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo - Part 1.2

A quick rock-paper-scissors session later and Mike and Don were dragging the body to a manhole cover, up the alley and around a corner, to dump it into the sewer. Deserted or not, they'd decided a while ago that they couldn't just leave dead demons lying out in the open. Dragging it to the manhole and stuffing it in took several minutes. Thankfully, their dumping ground was a tunnel they never traveled through and downstream from the ones they did.

Raph swore at the amount of trash in the alley where his sai had fallen, then waded into it and started rooting around. Leo nudged a soggy cardboard box with his toe, but hung back near the mouth of the alley. It was a long, narrow alley, the kind most people would walk by without noticing, if they even came this way. They wouldn't look into it. They wouldn't want to. It was the kind of alley that would hold things they wouldn't want to see, although some graffiti artist had apparently given it a try. Leo heard the distinctive sound of empty spray paint cans rattling around as Raph rummaged in the trash.

Leo settled in, watching all three of his brothers' backs.

"No, Leo, don't get your hands dirty. It's not like it's your fault it fell down here or anything," grumbled Raph.

"This alley is a dead end. I'll keep us from getting boxed in."

"By what?" Raph demanded. "Outlaws may always have brothers, but I don't think anyone is going to care that we killed that thing."

"We don't know. And to most humans, we wouldn't look so different from that creature."

"So?"

"We're brothers. We would get revenge."

Raph shook his head and was silent a little too long before answering. "Even you? I thought you were above such things."

"Not revenge for revenge's sake. Just... justice."

"We would." Raph turned back to his hunt. "But you're wrong about one thing. We're a hell of a lot better looking. And where's my goddamn sai?"

"If it's gone I can get another set from Karai."

Raph grumbled something.

It started to rain again for real then. A fat, cold drop hit Leo's face. Another one hit a garbage bag at his feet with a 'plink.' Shin-deep in trash, getting rained on, listening to Raph complain. Trying to train his brothers while wondering sometimes if they really understood the value of the basic concepts, or would just throw it all away for street brawling if Leo weren't there. It hadn't been one of the finer nights of training. But they had won, all the same. They'd get it. They were improving. And these moments were part of the journey.

Raph found his sai at last and slid it back onto his belt and made his way back to Leo. "Wanna get out of the rain, at least?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Leo said. "But do what you need to do. I'll watch for Mike and Don." He crossed his arms again and waited.

"Heh," Raph leaned so close that Leo could feel his breath on his face. "You gonna make me wait in the rain, you could give me a little incentive. Something to pass the time."

"Here?" Leo asked, amused, in control.

"You see, I had all this anticipation that built up while I was waiting up there," Raph gestured toward the abandoned office, then rested that hand on the brick wall behind Leo, over his shoulder. "And I didn't get to burn any of it off fighting." He ducked his head and chuckled open-mouthed against Leo's shoulder, grasping the side of Leo's plastron, turning him.

Leo would never admit this, but to him, Raphael was like that song stuck in his head, the one he was surprised to catch himself humming when he was alone. And only when he was alone, because if anyone heard it they might start wondering about it. What made him sing it, and what song was it. And if anyone heard, then Leo might have to think about it... try to figure out the parts he didn't quite know, justify why he even liked a song like that, or worse try to brush it off as something annoying and obnoxious. And it would just get too complicated and Leo might start to find his feelings toward the song changing, any joy he'd had in it, lost.

Raph pushed his body weight forward against Leo, but Leo kept his balance. Raph licked his neck, then pressed his tongue in between Leo's shell and shoulder. It was hot, but a cold, tickling chill spread down to the tips of Leo's fingers.

It was like a curtain had fallen. Dementoid Alley always had a feeling of being separate from the outside world already, but this was a private space. Everything that wasn't Raphael dimmed.

Leo was reminded of a long, quiet afternoon at the farmhouse, a day he and his brothers had a guarantee of complete privacy. They'd had no need to rush, nothing to distract them. Leonardo had lowered his guard. He had never felt as completely content with his life. It had been raining then too, a warm rain.

The tree, the rain. The pearly quality of the light through the overcast sky. The words Raphael had said, words only for Leonardo, words he'd spoken only with his body.

They'd been on the verge of breaking both Rule Number One and Rule Number Two. If he let himself admit it, they really had broken them. But he had let it go. That whole day, too, had a quality of being separated from the rest of the world, even the rest of his life.

_I climbed up the tree because I knew he was up there. Thinking he was hidden, thinking he was alone._

_It was raining, but we couldn't stand to go inside. We couldn't stop. We_ wouldn't _stop._

Leo forced his eyes to focus again and stared at the graffitied walls to distract himself. Then he turned his head, sliding his mouth to Raph's ear. "Wait till we get home with Don and Mike," he said. That was Rule Number One — all four of them had to be present. He uncrossed his arms and eased Raph away with gentle but firm pressure. That was the only way to deal with Raph. If you were too abrupt or forceful, he reacted with escalating severity.

"I hate those rules of yours."

"Rules of _ours_ ," Leo corrected.

" _Yours._ " Raph glared. "The rest of us know we grew out of them years ago." He dropped his hands from Leo and stood back, his expression and body language going coldly defensive.

"Leo!" Mikey's anxious cry came from the street, along with heavy footsteps, grunts, and the sound of a garbage can being knocked aside.

Leo and Raph leapt out into the main alley to see the creature, alive and well although much worse for wear, still lumbering around. Mikey hung down its back, holding on to a 'chuck that was slung around its neck.

"It won't stop! Explain to it that we killed it already!" Mikey pleaded.

"Oh yeah, I'll do some explaining!" Raph drew his sais. "Finally I get to do something fun. Get down, Mikey!"

Mikey dropped lightly to the ground and got out of the way as Raph ran and pounced, using his momentum to drive both sais into its upper body. It staggered, beating its ruined wings trying to get its balance back, but Don and Mike hit both of its knees in a moment of synchronization that thrilled Leo, and it pitched over backwards. Raph sprang off of it just before it fell and landed on his feet, but it shot out a spindly arm and it grabbed at Raph's leg making him hit the wet pavement. Mike hit the arm with a crunch of bone, and it let Raph go.

"Watch the limbs, they're long and fast," Don said.

"And squirrelly!" Mike shouted.

" _Squirrelly?_ "

"It revived when we were trying to stuff it down the manhole," Don explained. "It can take an awful lot of abuse."

"Nurse, the doctor called the time of death a little too quick," Mike said.

"Ugh, let's put this thing out of its misery." Leo frowned.

"Hello! We've been trying!" Mike said, hands on his hips.

"Pin the arms, Raph. Don get the legs. Mike, with me," Leo called.

When it was restrained, Leo stood over the torso, one katana drawn. It looked at him pathetically, lank hair falling over its face, body gleaming with rain water and blood. It would be dead from the injuries they'd inflicted on it before long, they had to be fatal no matter how resilient it seemed. These creatures were tough, but still no more than blood, bone, meat. Raph's comment about brothers out for revenge made Leo wonder, _What are these things? Is there something more to them, or are they just killing machines? But_ I _wonder if I'm right before I kill it._ I _wonder if I'm causing injustice or pain. It doesn't. It just feeds on the helpless._

His pang of compassion must not slow his actions. "It wasn't our intent to cause you prolonged suffering," Leo told it. "I wouldn't kill you if I didn't have to, to protect others." He readied a finishing strike, but in a blur of motion something shot up and hit his hand hard enough to knock the katana away. In a few seconds of confusion, as his brothers struggled to restrain it as it thrashed around, Leo realized with some shock that what was flailing at him couldn't be anything other than the creature's long tongue. Quickly, Leo drew the other katana and used the flat of the blade to pin its tongue to its chest. The tip thrashed wildly against Leo's thighs and lower plastron. "Mikey!"

A few nunchuck blows later, directly to the head, and the creature lay still. Panting and unnerved, Leo retrieved his katana and sheathed it. It had nicked his calf on the way down, but it wasn't bleeding much.

"Yeesh," Raph holstered his sai and wiped his forehead.

"That was an ordeal," Don sighed. "I almost felt sorry for it toward the end."

"Rock-Paper-Scissors!" Mike called.

"Nope, sorry Mike. We already did that once. It's still you and Don," Leo said with a small smile.

They complained, but dragged the body away for the second time.

"You got your hands dirty after all," Raph noted with a grin. "And other areas."

Leo wiped at the creature's saliva on his lower body with disgust.

"It was nice to see it break your cool," Raph added.

"Any situation can take an unexpected turn. I should have stayed on guard. We should have made it a clean kill." Leo said.

"Yeah well if you hadn't been making a speech in the middle of the fight, it might not have been so close," Raph grinned. "'I don't mean to hurt you, I have to kill you so others can live!' What are you, Chief Shitting Bear apologizing to a buffalo you're hunting?"

"Killing something isn't to be taken lightly," Leo said. Something unpleasant was churning in his gut, as it always did when Raph showed too much enthusiasm for violence or too little respect for life. A long, slow-growing fear that Raphael really _might not_ care. That in Raph's mind, unless a death caused him pain or took someone from him, it didn't matter. He cut off the lecture as a broken record — and a useless one — and fell back on observing Raph. Although if he concluded for sure someday that Raph was a sociopath, he didn't know what he'd do about it.

"Yeah, and that thing would have killed that kid for starters." Raph clapped Leo on the shell. "And it wouldn't have apologized for it."

"Oh, come on. What are we standing around Dementoid Alley in the rain for? Let's get to the good stuff." Mike cried, turning for home.

 _What am I sensing?_ Leo turned and looked, sniffed the air. One of his brothers grabbed his arm and tried to get him to move.

"That kid, he left, right?" Leo asked, scanning the alley.

"Ages ago. Now it's our turn," Mike said.

"Wait. What's wrong here?" Leo asked.

His brothers picked up on the hint and started looking around too. Leo scanned rooftops, the few windows, corners. "Someone else is here."

"Leo," Raph grumbled.

But they all followed him when he started to walk, slipping into the shadows. The feeling led him forward, half-heard footsteps, half-seen shadows. Someone here, both in desperate need of help and a threat to them. Here and not here, part of the aura of this lost place, part of the real world.

They came to the boundary of Dementoid Alley, the one true opening, a twisting alley that led to a T junction with another dark alley. There wasn't exactly a threshold, but the sense of the place generally decreased.

"Leo, we're done here, aren't we?" Don asked.

"No... I don't know. Something isn't right. I feel like we have unfinished business."

"I'll say we do. At home," Mike said, pointedly.

"Come on," Leo said.

A few blocks away and several stories up they spotted Casey Jones, watching something in an alley below. Casey was a man of action, usually on the prowl rather than observing, using intimidation to get people to leave him alone rather than stealth to go unnoticed. That said, he knew when to lie in wait or ambush, and he seemed to be in ambush mode today.

"Psst. Case," Raph hissed.

Casey looked up, didn't seem at all surprised to see them, and gestured for silence. They crouched down next to him to look at whatever he was watching.

"Kid's in gang colors. Got a vibe off of him that he's itching for _something_. Something's got him majorly upset."

"He just failed his gang initiation," Leo said, recognizing the youth whose life they had saved that night. "He knows he has to report back to them."

The kid was hunkered down alone in the alley. He didn't seem to be crying tears — either life had conditioned them away or else he was in a state of emotion too extreme for tears — but his shoulders were shaking and snot was streaming from his nose.

"Or else he realized that he was never meant to come back alive, and the gang he trusted didn't want him and sent him to die," Don said.

"Scared straight, maybe," Casey said. "But he's unpredictable right now. The rest of his gang will be too." He turned to look at them. "What're you guys up to tonight?"

"Heading home, unless you need us to stick around," Leo said.

"We've done our good deeds for the day. Er — night," Mike said. "Saved that guy, killed a nasty."

Casey shook his head. "You guys still hanging out in that spot? Claiming to fight those things?"

Raph snorted.

Leo stood, getting ready to go. "Do us a favor. That kid — whatever happens, go easy on him," Leo said, with a nod at the kid below. "Scare him away from the streets if you want. Flunking his initiation — and living to tell the tale — could be the best thing that ever happened to him."

"He's not our project," Raph said. "Who cares what he does with his life? We didn't save his life on the condition that he has to be a law abiding citizen from now on."

Leo frowned. "No, but obviously it would be best if —"

"Let him do whatever he wants. Let him find another gang if he wants. It's not up to us. That thing would've killed him, no doubt, but he doesn't owe us anything."

Leo sighed. "I'm just saying—"

"No prob, guys. I won't use the gang colors as an excuse to beat him up," Casey cut in. He'd gained an automatic response to their disagreements. He was nearly as good at breaking them up as Don and Mike were. "Now, you're welcome to stay and spend some quality time with me if you want. In Casey Jones' book, the night is still young —"

"Morning," Don corrected. "Technically it's been morning for quite a while."

"Well, the _morning_ is young. But if you ladies need to get home and put in your curlers and get your beauty sleep, I understand," Casey said, his shit-eating grin obvious even behind his mask.

Mike snickered. "'Ladies.'"

"Ok, but don't forget, you and I are helping April later," Don said.

"Gotcha," Casey said.

Leo scanned the area around them. Was it really just the sense of the kid being here, his unfinished business? Hadn't there been something more?

"Yeah, whatever. Later, CJ," Raph said, rounding up his brothers and walking away. "Shows what you know," he added in a low voice.

Because they weren't rushing home to go to sleep. They always built up a lot of energy when they went demon hunting, and they had their own way of burning it off.


	4. Following the Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo - Part 1.3

Rule Number Two was that all four of them got equal treatment.

Of course, it was nearly impossible to make sure everyone got the exact same treatment, but the best way Leo had found was to put himself in a submissive position and take care of them one at a time. He chose to ignore the fact that this meant he _himself_ didn't get equal treatment.

It was odd to think of it now, but the rule actually came about partially because Raphael was getting left out. Their early lives had often been very difficult, despite Splinter's attempts at providing them with a real home. During one of the more miserable times, they'd discovered that pleasure could be created and controlled, that it could block out the discomforts of their lives for a while. And of course they experimented together. The way they lived then, they had very little privacy, barely understood the concept of it. They knew enough to keep it hidden from Splinter — that was Rule Number Three — but to explore it alone, hidden away from their brothers was utterly alien to the way they lived. They did everything together, they had always done everything together, so doing this together just made sense too.

But still, somehow, Raph got left out. It was probably because Raph was beginning to get angry and moody and unpleasant to be around. He started taking off on his own. Not wanting to deal with his temper, Don and Mike often waited until he wasn't around. Leo became aware of this, and the ever widening rift between them all, and made sure that Raph was included.

They'd been doing this ever since. They'd gotten older and understood more fully what it was they were doing, and Rule Number Three had evolved from 'don't let Splinter find out' to 'don't let April and Casey find out,' more from a feeling that they couldn't understand it, rather than from shame. What they did together, at least in Leo's mind, had remained rather innocent and harmless. Or at least, unexamined. But important.

Leo started with Mike, tracing the line between his thigh and plastron with one finger. He knew Mike liked that spot, even if his hands were pressing down on Leo's shoulders, as a signal to get on with things. But Leo wouldn't rush it. He just wasn't the type to plunge directly in. A little something to set the mood first, time to make them think about it so maybe they wouldn't take it for granted.

"Le-o," Mike whined.

So Leo moved his hand over a little and stroked Mike's opening. It didn't look like much more than a crease in the skin running from just behind the plastron to the base of the tail, but it was slick inside and deep enough to take Leo's finger to the knuckle.

There was a soft noise from the couch and Leo glanced over. Don and Raph were warming up for their turns. Don was crouching over Raph, but was not the one in control — his head sagged low, his eyes were closed and his mouth open as Raph teased him with his fingers.

Mike let out a frustrated sigh. Leo knelt, letting Mike's heavy hands press him down at last. He leaned forward until his face was against Mike's lower plastron and hooked his tongue under it to play with Mike's opening. Back and forth, side to side, dipping inside. It was starting to part open, bulging over the head of Mike's cock. It would pop out on its own if he didn't get on with things. Leo gave one last long lick, then sucked the very bottom edge of Mike's plastron between his lips as he pressed his finger back inside of Mike — and with a simple 'come here' motion, nudged Mike's cock out.

"Oh yeah, uh-huh," Mike said like a porn star, intentionally making it cheesy.

On his knees, Leo turned and lifted his hips to Mike, automatically hooking a finger behind his own cock to slip it out and make more room for Mike. He crawled back against him, then leaned forward on his elbows.

"Wait," Raph said, coming over to kneel next to Leo. He cupped Leo's face, tipping it up. Raph's touch became uncharacteristically tender during sex — except when he lost control and got rough. There was no middle ground. Raph licked his lips and watched Leo's face intently. Leo closed his eyes. "Go, Mikey," Raph whispered.

Mike's thrust rocked Leo forward. "Oh man," Mikey breathed, his silly comments temporarily forgotten. This — being penetrated — did feel good, although it wasn't as intense as direct stimulation, and Leo was getting hard from it. His head brushed against Raph's plastron with each thrust, and Raph's hands and mouth caressed his face and head. Then Raph shifted position and something bumped Leo's chin. It wasn't unexpected. He opened his eyes and caught a glimpse of Don on the couch, stroking himself and watching them with heavily lidded eyes.

Raph whispered a confused string of swearwords as Leo took the head of Raph's cock into his mouth. The angles and rhythms were awkward, but all too familiar. They knew Mike was close when his breathing got louder and more jagged. "Don't leave a mess this time," Raph grumbled, and Mike pulled out just in time. Leo felt a trail of wetness streak his ass.

Leo released Raph and turned away from him. "Don," he ordered simply, breathing hard. Don stepped forward and Leo immediately took him into his mouth. Next to him, Raph made an appreciative sound. Don stroked Leo's shell silently — he was always the quietest during sex. He seemed to simply go someplace else. 

Before long, Don put his hand on Leo's forehead to stop him, pulled out and got into position behind him, laying his upper body low over Leo's back, his fingertips on the floor. He slid in and began with small, slow strokes, not jostling him like Mike had.

"Leo," Raph whispered, feeding his cock back into Leo's mouth. "My dick taste good? I know you love it, cock sucker." But his tone was affectionate. One of Raph's hands left the back of Leo's head, and he could hear Don sucking Raph's finger.

Don was quicker than Mike had been. He didn't like to make a big spectacle of it like Mike or Raph, he just waited for his turn and did what he was there to do. As he got close, he lifted his hands to clasp them tight around Leo's plastron, letting Leo take his full weight. He pulled Leo back in time with his strokes, then gasped and pulled away abruptly.

"Finally," Raph whispered, as Don staggered over to the couch and flopped on it next to Mike, who curled up against him.

"Raph," Leo ordered, unnecessarily.

Raph was already behind him, urging Leo's hips high. Leo's arms were tired, and he slumped forward, resting his head on the floor. Raph grasped his tail and rubbed his finger in circles across the slit below it. Then, with a hot exhalation, Raph put his mouth there too, using his tongue to trace the crux of his tail and ass. Leo felt a tension he didn't know was there leave his shoulders and neck, and he relaxed even further forward. This wasn't equal treatment, it wasn't — with Raph it never was — but it was easier to just go with it than fight over it. Raph extended Leo's tail even further. He licked its underside, traced every contour and crevice between it and Leo's plastron, then pressed his tongue as far inside of Leo as he could and wiggled it. Leo's mouth opened wide, but he didn't let himself make a noise. 

Then Raph released him and pushed Leo over onto his back, manipulating his knees and tipping his lower body up until he was satisfied. Raph pressed his hips against Leo's ass so that their cocks stood against each other. He wrapped his fist around both of them and stroked.

Leo got a shiver up his spine, but he sighed. "Get on with it, Raph." And he did.

From the position on his back Leo could see every contortion of Raph's face, every time he squeezed his eyes shut, or gave him a glazed look, or stared down intently at the sight of himself pounding into Leo. He swore a lot and yanked at Leo's belt and shoulder strap to pull Leo hard against him. In the end he tipped Leo way back onto his shell and growled nonsense as he came inside of Leo.

He had barely finished before he dropped Leo's hips and started jerking Leo off. As always, he was relentless, and it was so intense that Leo could only close his eyes and turn his head away and endure it. But then Raph swung his leg over Leo and without breaking the rhythm of his hand, slid down over him. Leo opened his eyes in surprise and his mouth in protest, but it was too late, he was already coming inside of Raph.

Raph lay next to Leo on the floor and pulled Leo against him, both of them breathing heavily. He tucked his thigh between Leo's legs, all the way up against his wet opening.

Don and Mike were dozing on the couch and clearly Raph planned to do the same here with him. Leo knew that at some point they'd all wake up, uncomfortable and stiff, wanting a shower and their own beds. But right now he was very relaxed. His brothers were all here, vibrant and alive. They'd won their battle and celebrated it the best way they knew. Their world was small and private, their lives were physical, and their emotions were enmeshed — in training, in fighting, in living, and of course in sex. The lingering haze of pleasure let Leo forget everything except the presence of his brothers and the unspoken love between all of them.


	5. The Printed Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donatello - Part 2.1

When Don woke up after their late night, it was nearly lunchtime. He was in his own room and the lair was quiet. He rolled over to look at the illuminated monitors that were all along one wall of his room, each displaying a contiguous part of an image of the city's skyline as if they were panes in a huge window with a million dollar view. When he'd dragged himself to bed, after dozing on the couch with Mikey, the sky had been black and the city lights had been on. 

He'd salvaged them from all over and created the program that had them cycle the image so that it matched the correct light for that time of day, although it wasn't a true video feed. Today it was overcast but bright, a little rainy. Natural light was important for biological creatures, and even if his computers couldn't simulate real sunlight, he hoped it fooled his brain a little. With the ease of familiarity, his eyes went to the spot where April's shop was. It was tiny — the image had been shot from far away — but he knew it was there. He had used the monitor with the best display out of all the junky ones, for that spot.

He got up and showered — the water wasn't very warm again today, he'd have to check the water heater soon — and got ready for his day. On his way out of the lair he ignored Splinter's permanently shut door at the end of the hall and looked into Leo's room, which was open.

Leo was sitting at a low table facing the door, with papers and several books open in front of him. He looked up.

"Hey Leo. I'm heading to April's now."

Leo nodded. "Did you eat?"

"I'll get something there," Don said. Then he noticed that some of the papers looked familiar, and stepped closer to look at them. "Is that — hey. Those are the maps we made when we were kids, aren't they?" Fondly he looked over the crude attempts at mapping the sewer tunnels they had made. "I can't believe you still have these."

"I was working on what kind of training we could do next week and thinking about where we could go, and I remembered some of the out of the way places we found as kids. Although these maps are probably out of date and inaccurate now." Leo shuffled through pages, then laid several out, edge to edge, on the table. "Have you been out here lately?"

Don looked at the long stretch of straight tunnel that Leo indicated and tried to orient it in his mind. "'Shuriken Street?'" he read out loud from the childish, large letters printed next to it. Imaginative place names had been Mikey's contribution to the project. "No. I hadn't even thought about it in years."

"Maybe I'll go scout it out later, see what condition the tunnels are in. I'm thinking about us doing some long-distance speed training. It looks like it makes a loop back to the start if you take these tunnels off to the side, but I don't really remember."

So they'd spend next week running. Sounded time consuming. "Leo, I'm going to be pretty busy with this work for April. I might have to skip out on some of this."

Leo looked at him searchingly, as if trying to assess if Don were simply trying to evade his training.

Don sighed. "I haven't told anyone else this yet, but… this thing we're working on is really big. April has a lot of her own money tied up in it. She doesn't tell me specifics financially, but if this fails she could lose a lot of money. But if it succeeds… well it's not just about making money in the short run, it's about seeing if it works so we can eventually take the business in new directions. The Internet — it's going to be big in the future, really big." Don set down the crayon-drawn map and smoothed it. "It could help us — the four of us — financially secure our futures too."

Leo held up a hand as if to stop Don. "It's fine if you miss practice now and then, as long as there's a legitimate reason. And you and I both know perfectly well that your reasons are legitimate, but I can't appear to be giving you special treatment or Mike and Raph will want to skip practices too. And, needless to say, their reasons probably would _not_ be legitimate. Anyway, I'm glad you're thinking about the future and how to take care of us, but you know the Foot Clan will do that."

"Yeah. I know. Wouldn't you rather stand on your own feet, though?"

"Maybe. But the reality is that I work hard to stay in Karai's good graces so that we don't have to worry," Leo said gravely, gathering up the loose pages and tucking them in a journal. With them gone, Don got a clear look at the book that was lying open. It was undoubtedly a book Karai had lent Leo. The text was in Japanese, and there was a dog-eared, broken-spined kanji dictionary next to it. Leo was making notes from it in the journal, and it seemed to be about the upcoming training sessions.

"Yeah. The Foot. I know," Don said. Then he opened his mouth to argue the merits of supporting one's self, even if it was with April's help, rather than submitting to what was essentially a criminal organization for support — support that, undoubtedly, would always keep them dependent on and in-debt to the Foot. He thought twice and shut his mouth. Leo wouldn't be receptive. Leo had clung to this idea of being protected by the Foot since their early days with Saki. He'd come back changed the night Saki had died and Don had always wondered what had really happened.

"Leo! Donnie!" Mike breezed into the room. "I woke up in a science fictiony mood!"

"Morning, Mikey," Don said, as Leo mutely pointed at his bookcase.

Books ended up in Leo's room — probably because the rest of them left them lying around when they were done with them, and Leo seemed to instinctively gather them up and take care of them. Books had been one of the few forms of entertainment they'd had when they were younger, especially good escapist fiction that took them away from their dreary, difficult lives. The top shelves held Leo's most treasured books such as _The Lord of the Rings_ , _The Art of War_ , _Siddhartha_ , as well as Splinter's journals and notes. Below that were the shelves reserved for materials Leo used for training and practice, some rare books on ninjutsu, weapons, and combat, some of which were in Japanese.

It was the bottom shelves Mike went straight to. They were packed with paperback novels — mostly thrillers, but with some mystery and speculative fiction. Many were books the four brothers had passed around between them. Don also recognized some that had come from April. She often acquired large collections of old books, and there were always some that were too battered and abused to bother with trying to sell in her shop.

"Jeez, they're all in alphabetical order. How do you find anything?" Mike asked, sarcastically.

"Michelangelo," Leo sighed.

Mike frowned. "Don't say my whole name like that. I let you get away with that once a week, just once a week, and you chose _now_ to use it? You didn't even save it for when you were really pissed at me!"

Leo and Don exchanged a look behind Mike's back while he selected a few books, then quickly and theatrically switched around several of the ones on the shelves. "There!" He dusted off his hands and grinned at Leo. "Enjoy a little beautiful randomness, bro." He walked to the door and gave Leo a mock salute.

"Mikey," Don sighed.

"See? Don knows how to save my full name for when it's really necessary. And I let _him_ get away with it twice a week!"

"Go!" Don and Leo said in unison, and Don gave Mike a gentle shove out the door.

"Speaking of which," Don said to Leo, "I'd better get to April's. See you later."


	6. The Unspoken Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donatello - Part 2.2

Don gave a curious glance down one of the forgotten tunnels that led to the areas on Leo's old maps, then continued on the familiar route to April's shop. It was another cool, wet day above. The water in the tunnels was higher and faster than normal, but also cleaner, except for the drifts of debris that had been washed down.

Don had a deep love for the city. He felt an indescribable sense of belonging, even though he was an invisible and unacknowledged part of it. But he clearly remembered the first time he'd experienced a natural setting, up in Massachusetts. The earthy smell, how the wind and rain had sounded in the trees, grasses and dry leaves yielding under his bare feet... and in an instant, he had truly realized that he had been made to be a creature of nature. Even if his mutation had confused and muddled some of his instincts, the ones he'd been born with remained. Went deep.

Don let himself into April's through a back door. Her second-hand shop was closed until early afternoon and she and Casey were currently out picking up the first load of merchandise from an estate. They'd been planning this for a while, and they had a lot of work ahead of them. This would be their first significant attempt at branching out into a new line of product, at mail order, and at advertising and contacting their customers through the internet.

Don turned on the computer in the office, then checked the adjoining stockroom while he waited for it to boot up and for the modem to dial. The rodent traps needed to be emptied again — they were a real problem here, and April had half-seriously wondered if the rodents were trying to get revenge on her for her previous job creating robotic rat catchers. As if she hadn't already gone through enough, losing that job after her boss went crazy.

It wasn't his job to do, but Don cleaned the traps and put the contents into the dumpster. It wasn't that April was too squeamish to do it, but Don liked to do what he could for her. He wanted to be reliable, to take care of whatever needed to be done.

Besides, he couldn't say, 'Sorry, I just can't deal with dead rats. It's for a personal reason. Didn't I ever tell you about my father?'

When Don came back to the computer, it was online. He saw that an Instant Message window had popped up.  


> CalvinSS: Hey Don
> 
> CalvinSS: U there?

  
Calvin was one of the grandsons of the estate's owner, Esther Gloria Chambers — who had been local legend for her participation in the Spiritualism movement back in the day. Calvin's family ran a tiny shop in Casey's neighborhood — tarot card readings and spiritual cleansing and the like — but when Esther had passed away recently, they'd inherited a houseful of antique magical paraphernalia. The family had kept some of the more valuable items, but had wanted to be rid of the rest quickly. And as their storefront was hardly big enough for incense and crystals, they'd approached April about selling the rest to her in bulk.

Calvin had been emailing Don some of the history of the items and their family for Don to use on the website he was setting up for April's shop, and the two had gotten to know each other.

Don typed a reply.  


> Malbec: Hey. Is April there?
> 
> CalvinSS: Shes picking up the stuff now. Nice  
>  meeting her in person finally. But why didnt she  
>  bring u?

  


Don grinned, imagining the response if she had. Comical screaming, fainting, fleeing.  


> Malbec: I'm just the tech guy. Casey is the grunt!
> 
> CalvinSS: Oh too bad
> 
> CalvinSS: BTW April knows this but since youll be  
>  handling the stuff Ill tell u too. we did a ritual to  
>  neutralize any energy that remains on any of the  
>  stuff
> 
> CalvinSS: so nobody should get anything with  
>  residual energy but —
> 
> CalvinSS: i didnt get to go through the boxes as  
>  closely as i wanted to. i cant promise that  
>  everything is completely harmless ok?

  


Don studied the screen. Despite some of the things Splinter had tried to teach them, and the many unexplainable things that had happened in their lives, Don didn't particularly believe in mysticism or magic. April didn't seem to either. As far as he could tell, April had agreed to sell their New Age paraphernalia because it was trendy — like the vintage clothes and art deco knickknacks in the shop's front windows. Don couldn't seriously entertain the thought that any of the items could be dangerous, but he didn't want to get into that with Calvin.  


> Malbec: No prob, we'll be careful.
> 
> CalvinSS: anything weird happens u tell me right  
>  away

  


_Weird._ Don's fingers hovered, unmoving, over the keyboard. Weird things were certainly happening, and Don wanted some answers. Would Calvin even believe him if he asked him about demons in New York, though? Most humans just seemed to draw a complete blank where Dementoid Alley was concerned, but Calvin was different, he already believed in the supernatural...  


> CalvinSS: Gyad is trying to unload crates of his  
>  newest book to April. Are 1000 autographed copies  
>  enough?
> 
> Malbec: !!!
> 
> CalvinSS: dont worry, I'll stop him :)

  
Don smiled, wishing he actually could meet his new friend. He noticed the post-it on the computer that said, 'help yourself to breakfast,' in April's neat writing. He went up the stairs to April's kitchen in high spirits.

Don spent the rest of his time there organizing the spreadsheets he would be using for the new merchandise later that day and getting occasional updates from Calvin on April and Casey's progress loading the truck. When they got back, Don was ready and expecting them. They began moving boxes into the space Don had cleared in the stockroom.

"This is only the beginning!" April said, pausing for a breather after several minutes. A few tendrils of hair had slipped out of her bun and were curling from the dampness, and her cheeks were pink from the exertion. "There'll be a few more loads this size. That old house is packed with old stuff, and the family is eager to get rid of it all. And happy to get some cash for it too — seems they're trying to recoup the money Gyad put into publishing his book." She smiled wryly.

"What! I thought you bought them all!" Don said in mock confusion, delighted to be in on the joke with April.

"Well, his sales pitch was wonderful..."

"What a fruitcake," Casey announced, putting another box down loudly. "Both of them."

"Casey." April shook her head. "Calvin was perfectly sweet. And Gyad is a little... theatrical maybe, but nothing is wrong with him. And I don't know about a lot of this New Age stuff, although I've come to believe a lot of unbelievable things since I met you guys." April smiled at Don. "So I can respect their beliefs. They're just a little different is all."

"They gave me the freaking heebie jeebies. I mean, I got a certain vibe from them, you know? Like the two of them are _together,_ even though they're brothers. Something is going on between them. That relationship is messed up."

Don focused on straightening a stack of boxes, uncomfortable.

"You introduced me to them in the first place!" April put her hands on her hips. "Anyway, their personal lives are none of our business. This is all strictly professional. Once we get the rest of the merchandise — speaking of which, there are a lot more boxes waiting to be brought in, Casey Jones — we'll be done with them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donatello's screen name is from Tales of the TMNT #26.


	7. The Written Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donatello - Part 2.3

Later, after work was done for the day, Don went home carrying a large bag of groceries and some miscellaneous junk April had for them. Only Mikey was around when Don got home. He was sprawled on the couch engrossed in his paperback with some scratch paper and a pencil next to him.

"Hey Mikey."

"Donnie! I've been so bored all day, nobody's been around," Mike complained.

"Sorry... I was working for April, you know, so we can eat." Don indicated the bag he was carrying toward the kitchen.

Mike put aside his book. "I do like eating. Food's good. Food's my friend." He followed Don into the kitchen.

"Here." Don handed Mikey a large box of macaroni and cheese. Mike cheered and started to prepare it while Don put the rest of the food away. "Casey said he was meeting up with Raph, so I guess we don't need to make any for him, but what about Leo?"

Mike shrugged. "He's been in his room practically all day. I say let him fend for himself."

"Oh. He always gets like that a few days before going to see Karai."

"He still wants us to go out tonight. He threatened Raph to get back in time."

"Oh, I've got some stuff for you. Sorry, it's mostly junk." Don emptied out the other bag onto the table. It was stuff he'd brought from April's. Some of the less valuable items she'd set aside to sell in the junk shop, but there were some she didn't think were worth even that. That was usually the case when she acquired a large quantity of things. They'd thrown out some, and Don had brought home the rest.

Mike dug through it, studying the loose tarot cards and sniffing the broken incense sticks. He thumbed through a thick yellow notebook. Whoever had used it before had only written on the fronts of the pages. Mike flipped it over, so that the back cover and unused backs of the pages were facing up. "Sweet! I can write my story in this! This is so perfect!"

Don rolled his eyes a little. Oh well, it would keep Mike occupied.

After they ate, Mikey followed Don back into his room. The wall of monitors showed the sun setting, and the sky brilliantly red. Don turned on a light and sat at his desk, in front of his computer. He was always in the middle of a million projects, and the organized chaos around the room reflected that. 

Mikey lurked in the doorway. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh, just some research. April is thinking of expanding her business."

"Expanding how?"

"Going online."

"Computer stuff." Mike poked at the doorjamb with one toe. "So she's gonna need you more."

"Well, she's pretty smart with this stuff," Don said, purposely not looking at Mike. "But she's also busy, so yeah."

"I can help too," Mike said, brightening, "I know you don't think I can, but I know computers."

"I know you do, Mikey," Don said with a little smile. Mikey had grasped some of the social aspects of the internet enthusiastically, when Don or April let him use a computer. There would be some things Mike could do to help if he wanted to, maybe things like responding to customer e-mails.

Mike wandered off, then came back with his book, papers, and new notebook and sat on the floor with them, leaning against Don's wall. Don didn't mind — Mikey just did that sometimes, especially when he felt like he wasn't getting enough attention. Even when Mike was just reading or writing quietly, he liked to be near one of his brothers. Don thought it was probably good for himself, too, having someone around to talk to him, even disturb him now and then when he was getting too deep into his projects.

When Don saw the email in his inbox, he forgot about everything else. He'd been scouring the World Wide Web and Usenet for anything about Dementoid Alley for the last few weeks because it bothered him, just nagged at the back of his mind constantly that it even existed, that there were dangerous supernatural creatures there, and that most humans seemed perfectly happy to not know about it. He'd found almost nothing about it, except a brief mention of it in a post to a parapsychology group by a local paranormal expert. Don had written to him, making up a story about seeing something strange when walking near the alley one night. He had finally gotten a response. He clicked it eagerly.

_Hello,_

_Thank you for telling me about your odd experience. Yes, I am somewhat familiar with the area around the alley that you described. While I heartily encourage amateur paranormal investigators, I have to advise you to stay away from it for safety. There is so much gang activity and crime around there that it's not safe even during the day! I'd love to get in there and investigate it but I just don't because of the danger. Believe me, it kills me to have a paranormal hotspot so close and not go investigate the heck out of it._

_Anyway, yes, there have been reports of the paranormal in that area for decades. I read up on anything of that sort I can get my hands on. Historically, the area has a long history of strange occurrences, weird creature sightings and disappearing people. Of course, it is hard to distinguish between the things with supernatural and criminal causes. There are documented cases as recently as the 70s, when a boy disappeared in that area. The police called it a kidnapping, but of course no one ever found him. There has also been a high rate of crime, suicides and mental illnesses in the area. People describe living in fear and having intrusive thoughts. The surrounding area has always had a lot of churches and they've thrived, and some were not of the major religions either. Over the years, people have attributed these events to everything from high electro-magnetic fields to the gates of hell lying beneath the street itself. But everyone seems to mostly have forgotten about it these days, and it's probably for the best._

_Well I'm rambling, but this is an area of interest to me. I hope this answered your questions and by all means research it, but DO NOT GO THERE. It's too chancy._

_-Ray_

Don reread the email, thoughtfully. It didn't surprise him, but it was interesting. Obviously something was going on in that area and had been for a long time. He sent a quick email back with thanks for the info and warnings. What he didn't say was that he had to disregard the warnings. They were going back tonight as soon as Leo and Raph were ready.

Mike wrote quietly — Don could hear the pencil scratching — while Don visited some of the newsgroups he frequented. But he couldn't quite focus. April, and the new business ideas, and the assortment of odd items they'd started cataloguing that day, kept going through his mind. So did Casey's comments, the ones about the brothers and the feeling Casey had about their relationship. They'd hit a little too close to home.

 _Who even cares what Casey thinks? He's Casey Jones. Out of all of us, even Mikey, he's the one we dismiss first, even use as a scapegoat._ His comments shouldn't have bothered Don — he kept telling himself that — after all, Casey had made a snap judgment about people he barely knew. Casey wasn't the most tolerant or open minded of people. There may not have even been anything to back it up with. Didn't they say, people often saw their own flaws and insecurities in others?

But the fact didn't go away. Like it or not, Casey was one of their few actual links to the human world. Don knew better than to think that Casey's beliefs always reflected society's beliefs — but in this case, it did. If anything were going on between Calvin and Gyad, it would certainly be considered taboo by the majority of humans. _Social taboo,_ Don thought the words to himself, moving the mouse absentmindedly. A taboo that he and his own brothers broke regularly. They were no longer young enough, isolated enough or ignorant enough to have an excuse for breaking it.

"Hey, Donnie?"

Don snapped back to his surroundings. "Yeah."

"What would be involved in a device that would let people walk through rock?"

Don spun his chair around and stared at Mikey, at a complete loss for where to even begin. It was possible he misunderstood the question — this was Mikey after all. It wasn't that out of place even for him.

"Walk though rock?" Don asked, then smirked. "Are we talking rock as in stone or music?"

"Huh?"

Don shook his head. "Never mind. It's just one is far easier than the other. But, um, why are you asking me?"

Mikey held up the book with its sci-fi cover. He had his notebook open and had covered several pages with writing.

"Oh my God, keep up with current events! I've been reading this book all day and it's so good." Mikey gazed at the cover. "These guys crash land on Mars and they go underground so the Martians won't find them. This chamber caved in and they're all stuck. Anyway, I really want to write my own story about it. There's a lot of technical stuff, so I thought you could help me with it."

"You do realize it's science fiction, emphasis on the fiction part?"

"I know, but if you come up with it, it won't sound totally fake," Mike pleaded. "Ya know, suspension of disbelief and all."

"Ok, Mikey, but give me a little time to think. Let me get back to you tomorrow," Don said. There was a good chance Mike would forget it by then.

"Awesome deal, bro." Mike went back to writing.

Don leaned back in his chair, which creaked loudly. Mikey, taking such an interest in a story about people hiding from an alien society. It was everyday life for them. That was probably why he had taken such an interest in it, even if he didn't realize it.

There were voices out in the lair and a moment later Leo leaned in the open doorway. "Hey guys. Raph's back, so be ready to go topside in fifteen minutes."

"Sure thing," Don said.

Mike gave Leo a thumbs up without even looking up from his notebook.

"Yo Mike." Raph stuck his head in, around Leo. "I don't wanna have to hold your hand while you look for a spot to go in some scary dark corner, so this time go potty before we leave."

"You!" Mike tossed his notebook and pencil on Don's bed and sprang to his feet in a fury.

Raph laughed mockingly and ran. Leo sidestepped out of the way as Mike tore after him.

Don's room was empty and silent again, and he had a few minutes before he had to get ready to leave. A sudden thought occurred to him, and he went to a general sci-fi message board that he sometimes read and started a new post. After thinking for a moment, he began to type.

_You are part of a small group of humans that crash land on an alien planet. There is absolutely no hope of ever going home. The aliens would kill or imprison you if they knew you existed. You're just trying to live the best possible life under those circumstances, and your life is fairly comfortable, but here's the problem — you and all the other humans in your group are male. Do you get together with them, or try for a relationship with a female alien, or stay single?_

Don stared at the screen and the blinking cursor, thinking, trying to pin down his feelings.

_You find the female aliens somewhat attractive, but still very alien. You really just want someone of your own kind._

He posted the message before he could chicken out, and shut his computer down for the night.

*

"It's not — it couldn't be," Mike said, stopping in his tracks. "Oh, no way, no way."

Leo, his face grim, crouched down near the head of the body. His hand was gentle, as gentle as if he were touching one of his brothers, when he tipped the face up from the pavement to get a better look at it.

"Is it him?" Raph asked, standing over the body with his arms crossed.

"It could be," Leo said.

"'Could' isn't good enough, Leo," Raph snapped.

Don left Mike's side then, taking a penlight from his belt. He stepped carefully through the debris in the alley — there was a trail of blood and gore leading off to the left, as if the killer had run off that way, dragging parts of its meal with it. Don pressed the flashlight into Leo's hand. He got a little glimpse of the face before turning away.

"It's him." Leo clicked the flashlight off.

"Fuck."

"But why would he be stupid enough to come back here?" Mike asked. "He wouldn't, would he? Right Donnie?"

Don just shook his head. Next to him, Leo got to his feet and passed the light back to Don.

"What fucking good are we doing here, Leo? It didn't help him, did it?" Raph pointed at the kid.

"This isn't our fault," Leo said, defensively. "We can't be here all day _and_ all night! I don't know why he came back here after seeing what he saw, but it isn't our fault. Our job is just to kill these things." Leo took a breath, shut his eyes and resettled his posture slightly. It was one of those Leo things, the way he could rein in his emotions in an instant. When he opened his eyes, he was a different Leo — older, calmer, with an icy fire. "We have to be on guard tonight. No mistakes. Stealth — communication — teamwork — precision — we take down the demon that did this, and any others that come our way."


	8. Fallen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michelangelo - Part 3.1

"We're horrible." Don closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

"I know," Leo said.

They were up on a rooftop overlooking Dementoid Alley. They had left the boy's mutilated body where they had found it, reasoning that the thing that had killed him would come back to finish his meal. That was a nice way of saying they were treating it as bait.

"We'll put in an anonymous call to the police in the morning, tell them where his body is. We really can't do anything else. If we call then in now, we'd have to make ourselves scarce, leaving that thing alive to kill again," Leo reasoned.

Raph grunted his grudging agreement and Don nodded slightly.

Mike had left himself out of the discussion. He hated seeing the grim expressions on his brothers' faces. There was such a hardness to them.

Leo was standing tall, one foot on the raised edge of the roof, surveying things around and below them coolly. At the corner of the roof, Don crouched and stared down at the little maze of alleyways. Raph was pacing and scanning the skies, gripping a sai and occasionally flipping it around into a reverse hold.

As for Mikey, he just wanted to be pointed at a target and let loose. But since there was no target yet, he'd have to break the tension another way.

"Hey Donnie, have you thought about what I asked you?" Mike asked.

"What's that?" Don glanced over his shoulder.

"About the story I'm writing," Mike said. Raph stopped pacing and gave him a dirty look.

"Oh. Yeah, a little," Don said, distracted.

"I wanna start writing tomorrow. I have so many ideas."

"Yeah, um, lets talk about it then."

Mike knelt down. He flicked a pebble with one finger. It clattered dangerously close to Leo's heel. "What do you think about the name Hunter for the main guy? Or, like, Rocket or Laser or something. He is an astronaut after all. And I'm thinking about Stella for the girl."

"Michelangelo." Leo didn't take his eyes off of the street below to look at him.

Mike sighed. "Yeah?"

"This can wait."

"I'm just trying to lighten—," Mike grumbled.

"I appreciate that. But we need to focus."

Mike stood and wandered several paces away. Yeah, he knew how serious this was — he wasn't an idiot. He just wanted to loosen his brothers up, make them feel better. Seeing that dead kid hurt him too. He didn't know what to do with the feeling, and wanted to be rid of it. He hoped that later, after the fight was over, they could go home and burn off these feelings, and things would be right between the four of them again.

If Raph took forever with Leo again tonight (which seemed to happen more and more often these days), then Mike could get Don to himself for a while. And instead of just watching, Mike could do some things with him. He had been secretly practicing suppressing his gag reflex, and he was getting really good at it. He'd surprise Don. If Leo were distracted enough (and Raph was getting better at that as well) it might almost be like the two of them were alone. Mike imagined how it would feel to have Don sigh his name — his full name, all five syllables — in pleasure, his breath hot against Mike's face.

Nothing else could have made him smile in that bleak place. He was glad his brothers were facing away — they probably would have told him off for it.

Time passed. They didn't speak, and nothing changed. That was normal on these demon hunts, but tonight it felt almost beyond endurance to Mike. Feeling antsy, Mike spun his 'chucks in patterns while doing some deep knee bends.

He glanced up to see Leo watching him exercise.

"What? I just need to burn off some energy," Mike said, defensively.

Raph paced by then, slapping his sai against his palm and looking as wired as Mike felt.

"Guys, let's move a little — get some of this restlessness out and get a new perspective. Mike, with me — let's take the roof up there." Leo pointed to another nearby roof. "Don, Raph, how about the fire escape down there. We can watch this spot from two angles. Keep quiet. Stay together."

"Might as well," Raph said.

"Sure," Mike agreed. He knew Leo was trying to keep a closer eye on him, but he was so tired of waiting here that any change would be a relief. He climbed down after Leo and crossed to the other building. A long-broken emergency exit door opened to a stairwell up to the roof. They got to the new spot, and looked down to see Raph and Don on the fire escape of the opposite building.

Mike tried hard to focus this time. He wondered if the dead kid in the alley had a family who was sitting at home, worried about him. Hastily he switched his thoughts over to his sci-fi book, and the story he wanted to write, and got lost in those thoughts.

After a time, Mike began to realize how tired and cold he was getting, and was starting to wonder how to appeal to Leo (who would undoubtedly call it 'whining') about going home, when Leo turned suddenly to the side.

"What — did you see something?" Mike asked.

"Maybe. I didn't get a good look, but there was movement, over there." Leo pointed.

"I didn't see it."

Raph and Don were looking at them now, wondering what was going on. Leo gestured to them, indicating that both groups should move to that end of the alley and meet up. They nodded.

Mike followed Leo across rooftops until Leo held up his hand for Mike to stop. They crept down a slanting roof and peered into the narrow space between buildings below them. Leo crouched and waited gargoyle-like. When nothing happened, Mike quietly moved up the roof to a higher vantage point. No demons. No brothers either.

"I don't like this," Leo whispered, looking all around. "We should have seen something by now."

All at once, Mike's gaze fell into a small courtyard which was almost completely hidden by the buildings all around it. The buildings here were awkwardly positioned, at strange angles to each other, and the gap that opened onto the courtyard was up here, at roof level, and only a few feet wide.

The courtyard was an odd little place with scraggly, spindly trees. Between them emerged a stone structure, almost as tall as the buildings that fenced it in. Something about it appealed to Mike as an artist — that was how he liked to think of himself, as an artist of all mediums — even as it made his skin crawl.

"Maybe Raph and Don went to the wrong spot?" Leo craned his neck. "If they'd run into the demon and were fighting it, we'd hear them. So why aren't they here?" He shook his head. "If we don't find each other soon, we can call out to them, but I'd rather not announce ourselves to the demon if we can help it."

"Leo. Look at that."

Leo glanced at Mike, then followed his gaze. He had to stand up and take a few steps closer to Mike to see into the gap. He crossed his arms. "That's really strange. Why would a place like that be here? And who in their right mind would put all these buildings around it, blocking it like that?"

Mike shrugged. "This place is just crazy like that."

"Nobody would even know it was there, unless they were standing exactly where we are. I don't think you could even see it from any other angle. And in all the times we've been here, we didn't even know it was there." Leo stepped over to the gap and knelt down. "It's here for a purpose." He stared intently into the dark courtyard.

Mike wanted to yank his brother back. A few tense moments passed and they felt longer than the hours of waiting for the demon that he'd just gone through. There was the dark alley below — which might just hold a killer monster, the creepy courtyard with Leo poised above it, and two brothers uncharacteristically missing. His fingers clenched his nunchucks, and his toes gripped the tiles of the roof.

Then there was a commotion and Raph's voice shouting, "Leo! Mike!" from another part of the alley.

Leo spun and his eyes widened. "Mike, it's here!" Leo shouted.

The creature, flabby and fish-belly white, clawed its way up the roof and lunged at him. Mike hardly saw it before he dived out of the way and rolled — a dangerous move on a high, slanted roof — then looked up just in time to swat away its hands with his nunchucks. This creature didn't have wings, but had long, sturdy claws and a thick tail for balance — a climber, as they'd come to call them. Mike deflected the claws, but it cuffed him hard across the throat with its forearm. Mike gasped for breath.

Leo slashed at it from behind and the demon spun toward Leo. With amazing speed it tackled him and they both went right through the narrow gap, crashing through the trees, snapping branches as they fell. Leo didn't cry out as he went over the edge, but Mike saw the fear on his face, as if his mind had freeze-framed the tape there and let him study the image.

Panicked, Mike jumped to his feet. Where were Raph and Don already? Mike couldn't get his throat to work to call out for help. He couldn't see where they were, but from the direction he'd heard their shouts earlier, Mike realized he could hear the sounds of a fight. Dammit — had two demons attacked them at the same time? Backup wasn't coming — and Leo needed him now! He went to the gap and climbed down a tree into the courtyard.

He was relieved to see Leo on his feet and uninjured. He had both katana drawn and was in a semi crouch, looking so fearsome that Mike realized anew how intimidating and deadly Leo could be. The creature was glaring him down. Leo's back was to the stone tower in the center of the courtyard. Mike picked up a fallen branch and threw it at the creature to distract it, but it just batted it aside easily.

"Ok, Mike, let's take it down nice and easy from both sides," Leo said in a steady voice, side stepping slowly to give himself more room to maneuver.

That's when it happened. It was as if Leo stepped on a secret switch. A door in the tower that neither of them had really noticed before swung open inwards. Leo glanced over his shoulder to see what had happened, but that was when the creature tackled him. Locked together, they fell into the dark space.

"Leo!" Mike rasped. He ran toward the tower and entered it, feeling his way in the dark. He could hear them fighting.

Then the door shut behind them. Leo staggered into Mike. Mike braced himself against the wall and kept both of them upright, but he felt dizzy and unsteady on his feet. It took him a moment to realize that the sensation of movement was real.

The floor, the walls, and even the air around them seemed to be vibrating violently.

And then Mike's knees wobbled under him, his fingers relaxed involuntarily. He just had time to wonder why his body felt so weak before he collapsed, unconscious.


	9. Human Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michelangelo - Part 3.2

_Mike darted up the sidewalk, breaking into a half-run every few steps in anticipation, then dropping back into a fast walk as he tried to maintain a cool image. He was nine, too old to race around like a little kid. The anticipation of where he was going, plus the thrill of having snuck out, was urging him along. It felt dizzying and freeing to not be studying at home with his stupid tutor._

_But Nardo never ran, never worried, never seemed too eager about things. He was twelve, practically a teenager. He was walking quickly and evenly next to Mike. His longer legs made him faster._ Nardo. Has that always been his name? Why am I calling him that?

_People walking down the street didn't even pay the two of them a second glance, although Mike expected them to somehow. He felt conspicuous. As he broke into another dash to keep up, he reflexively clapped a hand to the cap on his head to hold it on. That didn't seem right either. And why was he wearing — he glanced down — clothes? And shoes?_

*

When Mike opened his eyes, he was lying on a hard floor in complete darkness. He was in a bad position, face down with his neck at a painful angle. His left arm had been pinned under him and it felt completely dead. Waking up disoriented like that was a sensation he'd experienced a few times before, when he'd been knocked out during a fight and lay where he fell until he came to, and he assumed that had been what happened.

 _Michelangelo rebooting,_ he thought groggily.

What had hit him this time? It must have been a doozy, because he felt as bad as he ever had after getting pummeled in a fight. He rolled over, into a less uncomfortable position, but his head spun and his stomach lurched.

 _So much for suppressing my gag reflex_ , he thought as he retched from the pain, almost losing consciousness again.

He felt his numb arm and found that — yes it was still attached, and no it didn't seem to be majorly broken, only numb and cold from circulation being cut off. Then he felt along the floor, wondering what he'd find.

He touched flesh — an arm? A hand with three fingers, ok that was a good sign. He followed the arm up to a plastron with a strap running from waist to shoulder. Leo. Ok good. Still alive? He found his neck, a pulse. Even better. Leo would get him out of here. Leo would figure it out when he woke up.

Mike's time was quickly running out. He wasn't going to stay conscious much longer. So he slid his hand under Leo's shoulder strap and gripped it tight, willing himself to keep the connection to his brother no matter what.

*

_Nardo turned suddenly and went into a shop. A bell jangled overhead. Mike followed him in. A-ha, so this was where they were headed. No wonder he had run, no wonder he had risked sneaking out!_

_"Mickey," Nardo said to him. Mike stared at him_ — that wasn't right, that wasn't quite his name. _"Pick out the one you want," Nardo instructed._

_Mike's eyes feasted on row after row of comic books, their covers bright and splashy and featuring action-packed scenes that Mike still naïvely expected to exist inside the book. He scanned for the one he wanted — there it was!_

_Beside it, a boy looked at it longingly. His eyes flicked over to Mike and he stared. He was the first person in this world who seemed to notice that Mike was unusual. Maybe it was because the boy was unusual too. There was something about him — a washed-out, desaturated feeling that came from something deeper than his appearance. He didn't belong here either, did he?_

*

Mike, mind swimming with the dreams, was half-aware of reality. Images from the dreams seemed to be coming into reality, and the reality got mixed up in the dreams — lying on a cold, hard floor amid the gore of the thing they'd killed, chucks somewhere in the mess, clutching his unmoving (and hopefully not dead) brother.

Mike heard the door open behind him and cautious footsteps. The sounds echoed and blended with the dreams. His fingers moved feebly in the disgusting mess, searching for his chucks in vain. He couldn't even get his eyes to open.

Mike sensed a light, probably a flashlight beam, through his closed eyelids. Someone stepped over him and the light played over his face, dim red light through his eyelids, then dark, red, then dark.

"Wow, look at these. Ever seen any like them before?" a man asked from the doorway.

"No, but we've gotten some weird ones before. These are really something though." The light moved around again. "They have weapons. Look, they nearly split that other Creature in two with that sword," the closer man, who had a deeper voice, said.

Mike's hand tightened slightly on Leo's shoulder strap, but he couldn't move any more than that. He couldn't open his eyes or clear his head. It was like those nightmares he woke up from suddenly sometimes, where he was awake but his body was dead and unresponsive and all he could do was thrash against the paralysis until it faded.

There were tentative footsteps beside Mike, then a second light played over him. "Right out of a Bruce Lee movie..." Something nudged at his shell, then ran down it. A cold human hand, palm pressed flat against him. Mike would scream if he could. "This is… Look, doesn't this look like tortoiseshell?"

There was a shuffling footstep, then Leo's body shifted as the man rolled him over and away from Mike. The strap — his lifeline — slid through his fingers, and Mike's hand fell to the floor. Was Leo awake and aware, but as paralyzed as Mike was? _Please, bro, tell me you're playing possum. Be in control. Save my ass like you always do..._

The man behind Mike, still caressing his shell, added, "I mean, it'd be a hell of a coincidence if it was, but even if it isn't technically, it might have some of the same properties as it."

"Oh, this is no coincidence. We've been sent exactly what we need. _We called them to us!_ "

 _I specifically requested to be captured by the mad scientist with high-tech laboratory_ , Mike thought. _That would have been cool, with the maniacal laughing and the playing God and all. No, I had to go and get captured by these_ weirdos.

The other man sucked in a quick breath. "This is amazing, just amazing. If it _does_ work like tortoiseshell — well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We can test it. We'll have to test it — they're some kind of Creatures, so it might have some unknown properties. I mean, they can't be actual tortoises, can they?" The light came back directly into Mike's face and a hand pulled his mask off.

The deeper voiced man let out a questioning grunt. "The Creatures are what get attracted to the tower. Thing is, all the ones we've gotten before have been built for offense — teeth, talons, spikes. But with these—," he rapped on Leo's carapace, "they're built for defense."

"And defense is exactly what we need. I don't want to jinx it, but we might just be able to pull this thing off, after all! Going down there is still going to be a nightmare, but..."

"We've got work to do. We need to get them out of here. Go get some tarps or something. We'll have to drag them, and I don't want to scratch up their shells."

The man behind Mike stood up. "Where are we going to put them? Down in the basement? Or there's always..."

"The dungeon. It's further away, but it's safer."

"Right." His footsteps moved away.

_Dungeon? No one in New York could possibly have a dungeon. Well, except for the kinky sort..._

Mike heard rustlings as the other man stood up and moved around, doing something in the room. From across the small room he heard sounds of, slicing and clipping. Mike spent several minutes just trying to confirm that Leo was still there next to him —if he could only raise his eyelids, or stretch his hand out to touch Leo.

No. He couldn't move his body any more than he could move the moon. _The moon floating across the sky, ducking below the smog, and he could get home if only he could get to the dark side of it and the secret manhole cover that Don had disguised as a crater..._

*

_Mike didn't know what to do, but the boy picked up the comic and held it out to him._

_"This one," he said, his eyes sad. "Take it."_

_And all at once Mike wanted the comic more than anything. He took it, and any sense of confusion was gone._

_Nardo paid for Mike's comic book along with one for himself. He declined the offer of a paper bag, and they were back out on the sidewalk. Mike's eyes were glued to his issue, but Nardo tucked his under his arm, said, "C'mon," with a smirk, and broke into a full out run back home._

_"No fair!" Mike shouted, and ran after him._

*

Mike snapped out of his dream when he heard the rustling of a tarp nearby.

"I've got all the parts I could salvage off of this one." The deeper voiced man stood up with a rustle of clothing and a popping of knees. Mike really hoped he meant the demon and not Leo. He heard a katana scrape the floor, then the chain of his nunchucks, and his heart sank when he realized the men were gathering up their weapons.

Then human hands lifted him, struggled with his weight, and half dragged him out of the tower and dropped him onto a tarp. His mind floated and he only vaguely knew that he was being pulled across uneven ground for what felt like an eternity. He was outside now — would Don and Raph find him? It didn't seem possible that this was still happening. Not that long ago, he'd been sitting with Don. He'd been planning what to do later tonight. He'd been going about life as usual. How could it have gone wrong so quickly? He sunk into unconsciousness like being dragged under cold black water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of mysteries in this chapter, but don't worry. It'll all make sense... eventually.


	10. Secret Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michelangelo - Part 3.3
> 
> _Warnings for underage non-con and abusive incest in this chapter._

_By the time they got home, Nardo was three-quarters of a block ahead. He saw Nardo vault the wall one-handed and cursed. Mike was still too short to do that, and Nardo knew it. He had to take the gate, and that put him even further behind. He ran through the yard and crawled under some dense underbrush to get to their secret hiding place — a clearing in the tall bushes where they could see nothing but sky above them and greenery around them. They had a few battered chairs here and a crate that was both a table and a chest._

_Nardo was already reading his comic in the good chair — he always got it, except for when they played their castle game, because then Mike was always the king sitting on his throne, while Nardo was the knight and got to go on adventures._

_Mike took the other chair eagerly and started reading. He loved these characters more than he could really explain. He had a stupid grin on his face and didn't care._

_He barely noticed when Nardo finished his comic and put it aside. He was a faster reader than Mike. Nardo found a deck of cards inside the crate and started shuffling and dealing them out, spinning them around his fingers and practicing sleight of hand._

_Mike finished and closed the book, but studied the ad on the back cover for a minute, just noticing Nardo stand up and put his cards away._

_"Mickey."_

_Mike looked up with a sudden sense of dread. That tone carried a meaning. He had hoped this wouldn't happen today._

_"Was the book good?"_

_"Yeah... thanks for getting it for me. Let's go back, I want dinner now," Mike started to stand up but Nardo blocked him and dropped his knee across Mike's lap and both hands on his shoulders to keep him in place. "Ow!"_

_"I did something for you, now you do something for me."_

_"Let's do it later, after dinner," Mike begged._

_"That's not fair," Nardo said. "You know this is our deal." Nardo increased the pressure on him, and it really hurt._

_"Yeah, but..."_

_"You wouldn't have come with me to the comics store if you didn't want to do this for me."_

_Mike wasn't sure if he should give in and get it over with, or try to keep reasoning. But Nardo took the decision away. He tossed Mike's cap on the ground and wound his hand into a thick handful of Mike's hair. He always did that, so he could completely control Mike's movements. His grip was so tight, Mike could never get away, and he knew from experience that Nardo would make his life hell if he even tried. It was better to just go along with what he wanted. He shut his eyes and took some deep breaths._

_Without relaxing the hold on Mike's head, Nardo eased himself to his feet, close — too close._

*

When Mike came to again, he could feel that hours had passed, but he was too disoriented to know if it was day or night. He was stiff all over, but he could move a little more than before. He was able to turn his head slightly, but he thought he would barf from the dizziness.

There was a conversation going on nearby in low, droning voices. He was lying on a table or raised platform, hard and cold under him. His eyes worked a little bit now, but everything was blurry. He was in a dark space with unnatural lighting. That might be Leo, on a table next to him with two dark figures around him. 

"…bones will be attached too," one of the men said. "We'll just cut anything that's attached."

"We can dump whatever's left in the tower. We'll have to be careful about all the blood."

_Bones? Blood?_ Shit, they really were planning to butcher them. Mike tried to focus on clearing his head. Now was the time! He should attack them now, while they were off-guard, but his body only twitched when he tried.

"It would be stronger if we did it with these creatures."

"That's really old stuff... You know how to do it?" the higher-voiced man asked.

"I'll figure it out."

"So we'll need to do some research. I hesitate to try anything like this — it's all so unknown. I wouldn't if it weren't vital. I never imagined we'd get anything like them to work with."

"But we did. And this _is_ tortoiseshell," the lower-voiced man said, tipping Leo onto his side and running a hand over the shell. "Now that we've gotten a better look at them, what else can they possibly be?" He started to inspect Leo's body all over, using hands and eyes, peeling off Leo's shoulder harness and belt and tossing them aside. "What would you say they are?" he asked as he slid off Leo's elbow pads.

"Tortoises. Somehow."

Then he picked up one of Leo's knees as if to strip off the kneepad — but instead he moved it to the side and stared at the area between Leo's legs. The other man leaned forward also.

_Now that's just going too far! You are_ not _checking Leo out there!_

They were. He reached toward Leo's crotch. Mike couldn't see what he was doing, but the other man made a little noise of disgust.

"There's something in there…"

_Of course there's something in there! Now leave it alone!_

"It's wet..." He drew his hand back and held something up.

"What is that?"

"I think it's a dagger."

Leo's mini tanto. Mike knew that Leo — being who he was — sometimes concealed the small weapon there as an emergency backup. It had a smooth handle and sheath, as if it had been specifically designed for that purpose, and had apparently been a present from the Foot. _Which wasn't creepy or inappropriate at all_. The man unsheathed it, and they both studied it.

"Concealed weapons. These are undoubtedly intelligent creatures - and dangerous. We should be careful." The man with the deep voice re-sheathed it and put it aside.

"Too bad they're female."

"This one's male."

"But…"

"I also felt…" he reached between Leo's legs again. Mike shut his eyes, disgusted.

"You're right! Look at that!"

"See if that one is too."

The second man came and stood near Mike. "It's awake." The other man came over and stared at Mike, who wondered if he should have closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

"Barely." He slapped Mike's face. Mike felt himself flinch, but it was delayed. "Ha, see? He's no threat."

"Still, we should tie them up or something," the other one said. "I've never seen anything recover so fast after being drained — they should have been completely unconscious for days, not hours. It's like they have a natural ability to regenerate. And that means..."

"It means the tortoiseshell does exactly what we need it to do." The first man wiggled his cold fingers inside of Mike, sandwiched his penis between two fingers, and pulled it out. Mike felt like he couldn't breathe — between the earlier blow to his throat and his current overwhelming emotions, he felt like he was choking. He shut his eyes and tried to breathe. It was all his could do. "Male. They're amazing. They're perfect, absolutely perfect." His hand worked on Mike.

"And there's one for each of us. This couldn't have worked out better if we'd tried."

"We were sent exactly what we needed. The universe is telling us that, after all these years of thinking about this, we're finally meant to do this."

*

_Much later, when Mike was trying and failing to get to sleep in his room, he cursed himself for being so stupid. Being so excited about getting a new comic book. He was obviously being punished for that. And for believing that today with Nardo would be any different. But some days he didn't do this, but lately more and more. He'd have to just stay away from Nardo. That was it, just never be around him. But who would he talk to? How would he ever have fun? Because Nardo was fun. They could talk and laugh and have a good time, and then suddenly Nardo would want to do those things. He said they felt good, but Mike usually thought it was just weird and uncomfortable. Nardo would tell him how alone he was, and that nobody else understood him, and Mike would feel sorry for him, and flattered, and like a fraud all at once._

_Mike buried his face in his pillow._


	11. Bereft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raphael - Part 4.1

Casey's place was nearby and Raph knew the way well. He spent a lot of time there, both when Casey was at home and at work. It was really the only decent place he could go when he wanted a break from his brothers, unless he felt like hanging out alone in sewer tunnels or rooftops. Casey, being who and what he was, had picked the apartment building for its ease of covert entry, with sturdy fire escapes, climbable roofs, and a sheltered alley that his window looked over. One or two neighboring windows might have given a glimpse of a man in a hockey mask coming and going at the odd hours of the night, but Casey didn't seem worried.

Raph peered into Casey's bedroom window and saw a large lump under the covers. Splinter had taught him and his brothers to announce themselves plainly before walking into each other's rooms, especially in the middle of the night, so they wouldn't mistake each other for enemies in the dark. Raph knocked on the glass out of habit, rather than any fear that a half-asleep Casey springing up from bed with a hockey stick might actually be a danger to him. Casey didn't stir. For a man who made so many enemies and saw the city at its most violent, Casey slept soundly and unconcerned. _Happy-go-lucky bastard._

Raph let himself in. Casey was still snoring, so Raph poked the form under the covers. "Case." The snoring continued.

"Casey, get up, it's important. Casey!"

"Ung. Raph?" Casey's head moved a little.

"Yup. Get up!" Raph turned on the light. Casey winced away from it. "Leo and Mike, are they here?"

"I'm going to murder you for this." Casey rasped, muzzily.

"Are they here?!"

"Huh?"

Raph muttered a curse and left the room, doing a quick check of the small apartment. There were no signs of anyone else there. When he came back, Casey was sitting up and seemed slightly more alert.

"Who?"

"My brothers!"

"No, they haven't been here, unless they came in stealthily and silently like, oh I dunno, _ninjas_ ," Casey muttered. "Why don't you give it a try sometime, Raph."

"I do it all the time. You just don't know about it," Raph said distractedly. "They didn't call or anything?"

"No," Casey yawned. "What's going on?"

"Shit. Shit shit shit." Raph glanced around the living room again, as if he could have somehow missed them. "Look, Leo and Mikey vanished on us tonight. They might have been fighting one of those demon things. Me and Donnie have been looking for them for hours."

"They vanished? You sure?"

"Yes," growled Raph. "Don's checking at home right now, but if they're not there we'll need you to help us search."

"Right, ok." Casey rubbed his face. "Get dressed," he instructed himself. "Clothes."

Casey got up and stripped off the t-shirt he'd been wearing and tossed it against a wall without looking. It slid near an open hamper. Wearing only his navy blue boxer briefs, he started rummaging in drawers, then threw some clothes over a chair.

Casey always seemed oddly unconcerned and nonchalant about stripping down in front of Raph. Casey was in good shape — Raph had to give him that. And it was kind of fascinating to see the muscle definition in the chest and the back — all the muscles that Raph himself had worked hard to build over the years, but couldn't see. It must be nice to have some visible results. It was just all that black hair all over. Having hair didn't seem so bad when it was nice and thick, but when it was just scattered all over like that it looked like a mess, Raph thought. It should either be skin or hair and not a mixture.

Casey got his clothes on and went into the bathroom. Raph, hating having to wait, moved around restlessly, looking out the windows.

*

Leo and Mike had vanished in the middle of one of their demon hunting sessions that night. They'd split into two groups. As the long minutes dragged on with no sight of either the demon or their brothers, Raph and Don had begun to worry.

"This has to be one of Leo's fucking jokes," Raph had said.

"Leo wouldn't pull a joke like this. He wouldn't let Mikey do it either," Don had replied. "Leo might be trying to train us, to see how we'll react."

"Joke, surprise training, same thing," Raph muttered.

If it was a joke, it was a bad one. And if it was a training exercise, Raph didn't like how Leo had chosen to do it. He wasn't crazy about these demon stalking sessions to begin with, probably because Leo made them so structured and wanted every aspect of the fight to go according to certain pre-planned modes. He kept talking about the importance of carrying out plans in the heat of battle. There was a thrill in springing out on an enemy after lying in wait for it, the release after the anticipation. But Raph preferred to go looking for fights. He liked the chaos, reacting instinctively in battle, and the superiority he felt when he won without having to plan ahead.

All Raph had wanted tonight was to kill the thing and avenge the dead kid, go home, and forget everything by doing what they always did to unwind after battles. That was one good thing about these sessions. The anticipation built a lot, but the fight was over before they could work it all out — so they had to work it out on each other afterwards — unlike beating up thugs with Casey, which was very little anticipation and a lot of venting.

But somehow things had gone wrong.

Raph and Don had been attacked by a demon then, and had to deal with it with just the two of them. Raph had shouted for Leo and Mike, but they never came. Don and Raph managed it. They didn't make such a bad team. Even more satisfying was the fact that this demon had blood and gore around its mouth and claws and had clearly been the kid's killer. But when it was over, Leo and Mike were still missing. Even Leo, who liked to hang back during battle to evaluate them, wouldn't completely abandon Raph and Don to fight that thing alone, would he? Not knowing that it had already killed once that night?

Raph and Don had waited and searched the alleyways for almost two hours. No brothers. No clues. In Leo's absence, Don took the customary token of a feather from the demon's body, and insisted they dump the body in the sewer as usual, although it frustrated Raph to take the time to do so.

If Leo was making him and Don do this on their own as a test, Raph had to say he didn't get the point of it. What was he supposed to be learning? He imagined Leo and Mike hiding somewhere watching them, Mike laughing over it and Leo mentally taking points away from Raph and Don. _Ah, now Raph's insisting it's not a real emergency, Raph loses ten points._

"I'm not enjoying this, Leo," Raph shouted, impulsively. Stealth be damned. "If we failed your little test, just come out and let's go home and you can gloat about it."

He kept his face turned away from Don as they waited to see if there would be a response. There wasn't.

"I think we have to treat this as an emergency now," Don said.

Raph made an impatient noise.

"If they'd gotten themselves killed I think we'd have found evidence of it," Don said, "so they must have gone somewhere else. We must have misunderstood Leo's signals and gone to the wrong place. Waiting somewhere to be found is the most effective way, and I'm sure Leo knows it."

"If we all sit and wait, we'll never find each other," Raph pointed out. "But still, they wouldn't take off unless there was an emergency. Now, if it was me and I got hurt or something, I wouldn't go all the way back home. Casey's is closest. I'm going there."

Don nodded. "Good thinking. And if we don't find them there, we'll get Casey to help us search. While you go there, I'll go back to the lair, see if they went home."

So they had split up, Raph muttering under his breath. He stopped and looked back. He couldn't see Don anymore, but that was probably because Don was staying to the shadows, but still it made Raph nervous. Something had happened to Leo and Mike, and he was just letting Don walk off alone. "You be careful," Raph hollered. "I don't wanna have to look for you too." But there was no reply.

*

The phone rang. Casey, one leg in his jeans, glanced around sleepily for the phone, but Raph grabbed it first. "Hello? Donnie, are they there?"

"No."

"They're not here either."

Don sighed. "Look, I'm coming back to where you are. I'm going to stop by April's on the way to see if they're there. I'm leaving a note here for them to call us at Casey's ASAP if they come home."

"Ok."

Raph hung up, feeling a gnawing worry in his stomach. He wanted so badly for them to have been at home. He would have had Don pass the phone off to Leo and Mike. Once he was sure they were ok, he would vent his anger and frustration at them for putting him through this. Then he could hang out at Casey's all day before finally going home, letting them know how hurt he'd been by avoiding them.

"Well?" Casey asked.

"They're not at home. Don's checking at April's, then he's coming here. They'd better be playing a joke on us," Raph said. "I'll kill them both for it, but it had better be a joke. That's it. I'm going back out there."

*

Don found Raph on the streets at dawn and almost had to drag him back inside. Sure, there were humans out now, but Raph didn't care if they saw him. He had abandoned stealth. But he knew Don was right and grudgingly agreed to take the search up to the rooftops and try not to be seen.

"Are you _sure_ they're not at home?" Raph asked, hotly.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"'Cause if they are and you missed them, I'm going to be pissed, Don," Raph said.

"I told you. I checked it thoroughly." Don gave him a defensive stare.

Raph couldn't let it go. He was too full of nervous energy. "That space you can crawl into in the wall —"

"Yes! Besides, why would they go in there?"

"Mike hid in there for a prank —"

"When we were eight!" Don countered.

"My room and yours?"

"Yes!"

"What about Spl—"

Don stood up, his chair grating hard against the floor. "I know the lair just as well as you. I know Leo and Mike as well as you. They weren't there." He turned and walked away.

April hadn't seen or heard from Leo and Mike either, and she was so worried she came with Don to help them search. She and Casey took to the streets.

At ten, they assembled back at Casey's place. April and Casey brought coffee and bagels. April pushed them into Raph's hands forcefully after he said he didn't want them. The mood he was in, if it had been anybody but her, he would have rejected them on principle. He forced them down quietly.

Nobody had found anything, not even Casey who knew the neighborhood well.

April said, "I walked around, calling their names, and I got some weird looks. Someone asked me about it, and I had to tell them I was looking for my lost dogs and then come up with a fake description of them. And at one point some creepy guy started following me and yelling 'Leo! Mike!' every time I did. I just went with it. I figured, the more voices the better. But I didn't find anything. They have to be somewhere, where else can we look?"

"By now they could be anywhere," Raph muttered.

"We assumed they were on foot, but what if they were taken by car?" Don asked.

"We'll search the entire city," Casey said, grandly. It made Raph feel a little better. He had pictured Casey making a half-assed attempt at searching, then giving up with a lame excuse like 'they'll come home when they're hungry.'


	12. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raphael - Part 4.2

The next twenty four hours passed very oddly. And excruciatingly. And uneventfully. They continued much in the same way. Don, during the day, manned a sort of central position on Casey's roof and kept in touch with everybody and marked off sections on a map. Nobody got more than a few hours of sleep here and there, and it made everyone's tempers short and their judgement questionable.

Raph went back home once without telling Don, just to make sure they weren't there. Maybe Don really had missed them, or maybe they'd come home later and missed Don's note. But they weren't there.

Raph realized that he was really, seriously tired during a quick break in Casey's apartment. It was dusk and he and Don were going to take to the streets as soon as it got dark enough. He was in the bathroom peeing and half listening to April and Casey talk about where to search next, and thinking their voices sounded unusually clear, only to realize he'd left the door standing wide open, and he was too tired to care.

Time passed strangely for Raph. Sometimes entire hours passed in a kind of daze and sometimes a few minutes stretched out to feel like an endless torture. That night passed fruitlessly into another dawn. Raph and Don had been awake for almost two full days. Raph didn't know how he could get through another day of searching, but he _couldn't stop_ either. Even more alarming than his own tiredness and April and Casey's terse comments were the cracks starting to show in Don.

Desperate for a change, Raph and Don went underground. Don theorized that maybe Leo and Mike were injured and either took an unusual route home through the sewers and didn't make it all the way or were disoriented and got lost. It sounded promising to Raph, but it didn't pan out. They were searching the tunnels in a wide area around their lair with no luck.

"Raph, let's stop already. They're not here!" Don called as Raph trudged through a tunnel they'd checked three times.

"Well, where are they?" Raph exploded, spinning around.

"I don't know, but this isn't helping! Think about it! They're not here."

"What do you want to do next then?" Raph asked.

"Go home."

Raph shook his head. He'd been on edge and was barely staying coherent. "You mean just sit around and wait? Go home and get on your computer and pretend —"

"No! I mean rest and —"

"I can't rest! Dammit, Don! I can't go back there and sit and wait!"

"That's not what I said!" Don splashed through the water toward Raph.

"At what point do we do that, huh? At what point do we give up and go on living our lives? Because I can't do it again! Not like when you guys gave up on Splinter!"

Don lunged at him with a growl. Raph's reflexes were slow from fatigue, but he was, in a detached way, fascinated by this change in Don.

"It's not like with Splinter!" Don slammed Raph against the tunnel wall.

"We gave up on Splinter! We hardly even searched, we just waited —"

"That's not what I'm saying we should do!" Don shouted.

"We gave up on him. Are we giving up on Mike and Leo now too?" Raph asked. 

"We didn't give up! We never gave up." Don shook him. "And I won't give up now! Not until we find their bodies!"

Raph gripped Don's arms. "Don," he began.

"I didn't mean that. _I didn't mean that_ , dammit," Don was shaking.

"You're right. We should go home and rest. Regroup," Raph said. Don's meltdown had shocked some sense into him, and he felt almost calm by comparison.

Don slumped as if he could barely support his own weight, but Raph never let go of Don's arm. They went back home, leaning on each other, without a word.

What happened next must have been because of their argument and the adrenaline wearing off. For so long, they had unwound after battles with sex, that their bodies must have come to expect it. Plus they were both sick with worry and longing for any escape from it. As Raph walked, Don leaning on him, he began to want him frantically. He was sure Don felt it too. Their pace quickened.

They got home and made a hasty search of the lair — Don's note to Leo and Mikey, still there untouched, rooms empty. Well, Raph hadn't really expected them to be here, but they had to look.

"Raph," Don said from across the room. "Would it be awful if... _I know this isn't the right time, but I_..."

" _Donnie_ ," Raph said urgently, striding toward him, and then they were grappling, pulling each other to the floor. Don was just as frenzied as he was.

Raph got Don's bo away from him and used it to pin him across the chest, as if he had been planning to do so all along. He crushed their mouths together and felt a rush of giddy pleasure. Raph told himself he was doing it to calm Don down, but he knew on a deeper level that it was a desperate attempt to alleviate some of his own tension and pain. It was still there, in the back of his mind, but this almost drowned it out.

They slid their tongues together, so deep that their teeth scraped. Raph didn't realize that his cock was already out and hard until Don's hand started jerking him off. So rough, like he was almost taking the skin off. If he had been calmer, he might have thought about how he'd never really done this with just one of his brothers alone before, but he was too caught up in the feeling, pure sensation, his mind blessedly _not_ forming words out of his experiences. The only other thing like it was in a perfect fight where he could let thoughts go. Raph didn't last long and came across Don's lower plastron and dick.

Raph was barely done when Don flipped him hard onto his shell and the bo clattered and rolled across the floor. Then Don was straddling his neck and his cock jabbed Raph's chin — then pushed his lip up, then nudged across his cheek, missing its mark in his frenzy. Raph opened his mouth for it and the tip slid along his palate. He tightened his lips around it with an appreciative sound, and let Don thrust. Raph's head hit the floor. He reached up with both hands to squeeze Don's ass. Don's movements trapped Raph's fingers under the bottom edge of his shell rhythmically. He shifted his hand just far enough to get the tip of his finger inside Don's cloaca, right there in front of his tail, and Don came in his mouth.

Don froze, his eyes shut, breathing hard, balanced on his hands, one knee where it had landed on Raph's arm, the other next to Raph's head. Raph swallowed around Don's cock, letting him feel it, but still Don didn't move for several heartbeats. Then Don withdrew, got to his feet drunkenly and collapsed on the couch with a groan.

Raph went into the kitchen. He put his whole head under the faucet, leaning against the sink. He opened his eyes and watched how the water formed a curtain around him. Finally he turned it off and got two cans of Pepsi from the fridge, resisting the beer he so badly wanted. Casey smuggled it to them sometimes behind April's back. It wouldn't do them any good now, though. He went back and sat down. Don's face was buried in his hands.

After several minutes of silence, Don said, through his hands, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry I lost it back there. In the tunnel," he clarified. "And… what just happened." He visibly cringed.

Raph shrugged it off. "I understand."

"Did I hurt you?"

"Nah. Actually, it was hot."

Don sat mutely, one fist pressed against his mouth, looking off to the side.

"It worries you, doesn't it, that you flipped out when I stayed calm." Raph took a swig of soda.

Don looked at him with hurt eyes.

"I've just had more experience with anger, that's all." Raph opened another can of soda and passed it to Don, whose hand shook slightly as he took it. Years of losing his temper, and dealing with his anger — and especially the failed attempts — had made him very familiar with the whole process. Certainly he understood it all a lot better than the normally unflappable Don.

"And as for what just happened..." Raph laughed. "No apology needed. Drink that, we need your brain as alert as possible."

Don let out a shaky sigh. "I didn't mean to imply they were dead. I don't really think that." He sipped the soda.

"Ok, so… what do you think? I know you have other theories." Raph leaned forward.

"I've been thinking all day." Don took off his mask and wiped his face wearily. "There's only one other possible place they might reasonably go. To see Karai."

"Why would… wait, Leo had an appointment to see her."

"Yeah. But I can't quite work out a scenario that would take them there without contacting us first. I suppose it's possible that they were tied up with some emergency and either the Foot found them and helped them or Leo went to Karai's for their meeting. It's not like him to not contact us to let us know they're ok, but there might have been other circumstances. Anyway, out of the likely scenarios that I've thought of for them, that's the last one that doesn't involve foul play or severe injury.

"Then we go see Karai, right now." Raph finished his drink and slammed the can down. He stood up and shook out his arms and stretched. "You better clean yourself up."

*

They took underground tunnels toward the Foot headquarters. They'd only been there a few times before, and always with Leo, who usually acted as the lone liaison between the groups.

"Wait, Raph, how are we going to get in?" Don asked, hurrying to keep up with Raph in the tunnel.

"You know. We'll figure it out."

"Have you been here with Leo?"

Raph stopped and turned around. "I'll get us in. Or don't you trust me?"

"I trust you. I don't trust _them_." Don said.

Raph narrowed his eyes and grunted, spinning around to continue.

"And right now I don't trust your temper," Don said, in a clear voice.

Once again, Raph stopped and turned. Glared. "That's nice, coming from the one of us who had the meltdown back there."

"I know I did. That's why I understand this. Raph, we can't afford to fight in front of Karai. We're tired and stressed and not thinking clearly. We need to blow off some steam first."

Raph gave him a funny look. "Didn't we already do that, back home?"

Don shook his head. "Not _that_. Spar with me."

When Raph didn't move, standing still as a statue and staring at Don, Don struck first. A deliberately slow, amateurish punch that swung way out to the side. The kind that looked dramatic on TV but was weak and easy to block in real life. The kind the youngest of the street thugs threw at Casey and Raph. There was no way Don would punch like that unless it was to goad Raph into fighting. Raph blocked it and suddenly Don was gone from his field of vision. _Someone's been practicing_ , Raph thought, turning and looking all around him. Something tapped Raph's shell from above.

"No weapons," Raph growled. Raph grabbed the bo and yanked, pulling Don down from his hiding spot in the pipes above. Don got a solid knee to Raph's plastron on the way down. Raph tossed the bo to the side and attacked.

It was an old, familiar game they'd come up with so they could fight each other without leaving any evidence that Splinter would see. He'd let them spar under his watchful eye, of course, but didn't approve of fighting to settle disputes or grievances between them, or to work off energy. They fought without weapons. Blows could only be aimed at the body, where the carapace would absorb it, and limbs could only be targeted for blocks or throws. They knew they weren't indestructible. A hard enough blow to the carapace could cause pain or even injury, but they'd pushed and pushed the limits of the sturdiness of their own bodies and had never yet gone too far.

The stress and pain of the current situation fell away for a few blissful moments. Raph felt his aggression being translated into movement. He could hurt Don if he wasn't careful. He didn't want to, but his body craved the physical sensation of putting as much force into the attacks as possible.

Don must have had something to work off too. He gave as good as he got. He had as much frustration to burn off as Raph did.

The blows and blocks turned into grappling. They were very nearly matched in bulk — that had always come naturally and easily to Don. Not to mention that whenever Leo had them do weight training, Don always picked the heaviest weights he could manage in exchange for doing fewer reps, so he would be done sooner.

They were both out of breath now and a bit achy. Don got in a good throw. Raph came back, using his full body to slam Don against the wall. His shell hit with a sharp whack and they leaned there where they were, breathing, knowing they were done and nobody had won and that was ok.

"How'd that feel?" Don asked.

Raph took his weight off of Don and leaned against the wall beside him. "Cathartic." He let it sink in before adding. "See, I can use big words too."

"Commendable." Don grinned.

"Is Leo really such a smug bastard that he'd put us through this and run off to see Karai without calling us?" Raph asked.

It was rhetorical, but Don answered, "No," anyway. He sighed. "It's not a great theory. It's just… one more to go check off the list. Anyway Karai might know something."

"Good thing Leo is one of the missing ones," Raph said, bitterly. "Karai might not care if he wasn't involved. He bends over backwards for her and what has she done for us? Lends us a couple of books."

"We're ninja without a master," Don reminded him.

"I know!" Raph said with more force than he meant to. "I know, Donnie. But Karai _isn't_ our master. But he kisses up to her, and goes to those stupid meetings of hers."

"He's afraid of losing her protection," Don said. "He knows we have no real claim to it and she's kind of fickle and could decide we're not worth the effort at any time."

" _Protection_. What good is that? I'd rather have you guys and Casey at my back any day."

"Still, there are things the Foot can do. They're really powerful."

"Like what?"

"Say… say we were ever captured by scientists. A government operation or some huge, powerful company."

"Is that what you think happened to Mikey and Leo?" Raph asked.

"Not really. No more than any other theory of foul play. But it could happen one day. We've always known it. Karai and the Foot would have a chance at getting us out, if anyone would."

Raph opened his mouth to protest, but Don cut him off. "Yeah, I know, if it was a small operation, Casey could handle it. But I'm talking massive. Powerful. A situation that wouldn't require just force, but finesse."

" _Fitness_?"

"No. _Finesse_."

"The fuck does that even mean, exactly, _finesse_? Like delicacy? Moving little delicate things carefully…" Raph mimed an action.

"Finesse. It's what Casey _doesn't_ have, never will have, and probably can't even imagine. Flying under the radar. Doing things right out in the open without attracting attention. Like getting allies inside, bribing the necessary people, maybe even buying out and taking over key parts of companies."

"And she'd do that for us?"

"Maybe. If Leo stays on her good side." Don straightened up and retrieved his bo. "That's why he caters to her. To keep her happy, in case we ever need to cash in a really, _really_ big favor." He held out his hand to Raph. Raph took it, and pulled himself back squarely onto his feet.

"Ok. I can give the guy a break," Raph said.

Don smiled, slightly. "Let's go deal with this shit. See, I can talk like you, too."


	13. Breached

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raphael - Part 4.3

The Foot headquarters looked like a big office building from the outside, because that's essentially what it was. Most of the building was used for the Foot's legitimate business. Only the uppermost floors and underground levels housed the ninja, equipment and training facilities.

There was an alternate entrance that Leo used, but right now Raph didn't care. He walked right up to the front door.

"We can't go in that way. The employees down here won't know about us. They might not even know what the company really is — we can't show ourselves—" Don protested.

"I'm going to walk through the damn front door with my head held high," Raph told him, and did exactly that.

Rather than a commotion when they walked in, there was a gradual silence. Employees went mute, still holding phones to their ears. They stopped typing, but froze with their fingers on their keyboards. Raph strode up to a counter where a man sat.

"Yes, how may I help… oh. Oh," the man said, looking up in mid-sentence.

"I want to see Karai," Raph said.

The man made a hesitant noise and Raph tipped his head back and looked down coldly at him.

"Right. Madam Karai. Yes, I'll just... call upstairs, shall I?" He picked up a phone.

Raph leaned on the counter and looked around. The room was completely silent now. The ones who were staring looked away as Raph's gaze moved around the room. Some of them were pretending to be engrossed with work on their desks or monitors.

"We have a shipment of eco-friendly paper. I need someone to sign for it," the man said quietly into the phone.

Raph smacked the counter with an open hand. "Listen t' that, Donnie, they have a secret code just for us. _Eco-friendly_ , as in _green_ , get it? Wow that's funny." Raph said, too loudly. "So we're talking about skin color, are we? Funny how all you fake employees are white and everybody in the secret part of the business is Japanese."

"Please, um, sit down in the reception area," the man said nervously, pointing to a door on the left, "Madam Karai will be with you shortly."

They walked toward the door. A guard opened it and stood way back. A chair squeaked as someone stood up to get a better look. Whispers started before the door had completely shut.

*

An Asian woman escorted them upstairs. She took them up in a dark wood paneled elevator, then into a sophisticatedly decorated office with wine red walls. They sat in chairs across from a desk.

Karai arrived soon. "I am not accustomed to having anyone demand to see me," she said, before she'd even sat down. "Nor am I accustomed to _indulging_ such requests." She looked from one to the other. "I assume you are here regarding Leonardo. He did not show up for our appointment, which is another thing I am not accustomed to." 

Raph's heart sank. He saw Don's shoulders tense.

"He's not here? You haven't seen him?" Raph asked, although he knew the answer.

"No."

"Dammit."

"It seems that we are all unaware of his present location," Karai said. She didn't seem concerned about Leo on any emotional level. "Which of you is in command while he is away."

Don and Raph exchanged a glance. They'd never needed to decide.

Karai read their look. "Donatello, yes?"

"Yes." Don nodded. It was just as well. Raph wouldn't have had the patience to play along if Karai had picked him.

"Tell me clearly what happened," Karai said.

"Leonardo and Michelangelo have been missing since two nights ago. We're checking places they might go in an emergency. We hoped we'd find them here, but since they're not, we'd like to formally request the assistance of the Foot to locate them." He bowed his head.

"Hiring the Foot is very expensive, and you live in absolute poverty. You can't afford us."

"We don't have time —" Raph began to stand up, but Don gripped his arm.

"Everyone in this room is quite aware that we can't begin to pay your fee," Don said, calmly. "But we're not clients coming to hire you. We're associates of the Foot Clan — at your own approval. Our relationship has never had anything to do with money, so turning down our request because we can't pay is illogical."

Karai leaned back slightly in her chair, appraising them. Don's body language didn't waver. Raph suddenly sensed what Don must have all along — that Karai had been testing them to see how they would respond.

"As it is in _my_ interest as well to recover Leonardo," Karai said, "I will send two of my ninja to directly assist you in your search tonight. Be aware that they will take only limited orders from you. I will also inform the rest of the members of my organization to report anything that may be related, if they notice anything as they go about their normal business."

"Two Foot ninja? That's all?" Raph muttered, but neither Don nor Karai responded to it. Raph crossed his arms and glared at the wall while they set a time and location for the rendezvous point. Casey's place. Raph felt a wisp of humor. Casey would hate that. Don started to roughly detail the location they'd been in and what kind of searching they'd done so far. Raph tuned it out. He really hated how Karai was talking like only Leo mattered, and how unconcerned she seemed about the whole thing.

"We've already searched the area thoroughly, though. I don't believe they're there, unless they are inside a building. What will we do if we don't find—"

"I believe they are there," Karai said, cutting Don off. "You were hunting for demons when they vanished, weren't you?"

"You know about that?" Raph asked, suddenly interested in the conversation again.

"Yes, because I have given Leonardo a quota. You did not know that?"

"What?" Raph asked. Was that why Leo had been dragging them out there? Because Karai told him to?

"I suspected it was something like that, but he never told us," Don said.

"Why do you—"

"Raph." Don pressed a hand to Raph's plastron and he sat back, reluctantly. "We'll discuss it after we get Mike and Leo back. You think the demons are involved, then? It seems obvious, but we dismissed it because we've seen the bodies the demons leave behind, and they're alaways out in the open."

"Yes and no. I do not think that two of your brothers could be completely bested by a single one of those demons. The demons themselves are insignificant — I couldn't even be bothered to spare my ninja on fighting them," Karai said dismissively. "But the demons are part of a bigger situation, and I would like to know what it is. I believe there is a good chance that if we find the truth of that situation, we will find your brothers."

"But—"

"I don't have any more information for you." Karai stood up. "I will reschedule the meeting with Leonardo for one week from now. If he is not able to attend, then I expect you, Donatello, to come in his place. My assistant will show you out through the side entrance. I expect you to use it — discreetly — in the future."

*

They went back home and dropped onto the couch. Raph's head was swimming with details that Karai had dropped, and he decided to ignore them all for the time being. They had a while before the two Foot ninja were scheduled to arrive at Casey's. Don called Casey to let him know, and told him he and Raph would try to rest up in the meantime.

Don left the room, but Raph couldn't find the strength to stand up. He took the cordless phone in his hand so he could answer it immediately if it rang, and double checked that there were no messages on their machine. It was too quiet, so he turned on their battered old tape deck. Raph turned it up louder than normal and lay down on the couch.

Raph's head was spinning and almost as soon as he closed his eyes, he felt the sensation of falling. His leg jerked and woke him up almost immediately. Annoyed, he glanced at the answering machine light. Nothing. He dozed off again.

He entered a restless cycle of dozing and jerking awake and checking for messages about Leo and Mike. His dreams mimicked reality and the borders between the two were vague. Sometimes he dreamed that he had a message from Casey but it was gibberish. Sometimes it was a message that they were dead. Once, the phone rang and he answered it and talked to Leo. It seemed so real.

Sometimes he woke up and the same song was still playing that had been on when he'd last dozed off, even if it felt like a lot of time had passed. Resting was worse than being awake, and he realized it quickly, but it took a while to break the cycle and force himself to sit up and try to shake off the sick feelings. It had only been about twenty minutes.

He checked the machine again. None of the messages had been real, of course. Feeing stupid, he gave up on sleep and clicked off the music.

He went to find Don with a vague thought that maybe if Don were sleeping peacefully, he'd be able to relax too. But when Don wasn't in his room or any of the other bedrooms, Raph started to feel panicky. That was when he noticed something he hadn't seen for a long time.

The door to Splinter's room was ajar.

It hadn't been opened in years. After Splinter had been gone for a few weeks, Leo went in one last time to take out any of Splinter's books or notes that would help them with their training in his absence. They left everything else "for when Splinter came back" even though they'd all suspected by then that he wasn't coming back. Although Raph had secretly nurtured elaborate fantasies where Splinter was on some noble and mythic quest, having been called suddenly to go someplace far away to help people or fight someone evil. Splinter leading a ragged group of people out of a dungeon and into the sunlight, that kind of thing. He'd kept hope alive privately for a long time. He was an idiot.

He pressed the door open as quietly as possible. Don, sitting on the floor, looked up silently. Raph went in and sat next to him.

"Was there a call?" Don asked.

"Not yet," Raph said.

"I thought I might get some inspiration in here," Don said and leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.

"Ok, Don. Tell me again how we figure this out. Tell me every detail that's gone through your head. 'Cause that's what you do, you figure stuff out."

Don opened his eyes tiredly. "We have to assume that they would _want_ to be found and that they would also _want_ to contact us. I think we can take that as a given. They haven't, so that means they can't. So either they're incapable of it because they're injured, or because someone is forcibly preventing it, or else they're hiding from some kind of threat. Even if they were just involved in an accident, like a tunnel flash flooding or being hit by a car, someone has moved them or I think we would have found them by now."

"So somebody else is probably involved. Either someone keeping them prisoner, or someone they have to hide from," Raph said, feeling hollow. "Or someone attacked them." 

"Yeah, I think so." Don rubbed his eyes.

"And that someone is stronger than the two of them together."

"Yes, unless it was just luck. But we'll have Casey and two other ninja with us. I hope we find something tonight. Actually... if we don't, I know someone who might be able to help us, somebody I know through April's business. Although I'm reluctant to reveal ourselves to anyone unnecessarily... actually I can't believe I'm even considering asking him."

"Why, if this guy can help?" Raph asked.

"He's a psychic. Tarot cards and whatnot."

Raph smirked in spite of himself.

Don continued speaking before Raph could say anything. "And I don't believe in any of that stuff one bit — I'm just so desperate for any information that might help us." He slumped forward, resting his head in his hands. "Even if they're dead, I just want to know." Don closed his eyes again.

Raph couldn't form any words in reply to that. He couldn't even feel angry at Don for voicing it. It was just like when Splinter had vanished. Would that be what would happen to them? They would just _vanish_ until none were left? Was it some joke of fate to give them such an exceptionally rare chance at this life, only to take them away with no explanation? But then, they'd always known their kind were temporary. From the moment of their mutation, their kind had been doomed to extinction. They wouldn't even make it past a single generation.

Without meaning to, Raph remembered the days just before and after Splinter vanished — feelings, sounds, things his brothers had said and done, smells, they all came back to him with more clarity than he would have thought possible. Maybe that faint, familiar smell Splinter's room always had triggered it. Raph lay down on the tatami mats.

The truth was that they had searched for Splinter to the best of their abilities, but they had been so young then and in a poor position to take up a serious search. They had never had to take care of themselves before, they didn't have human friends to rely on yet and they hadn't known as much about the world above and how to get around it safely and unseen. It took so much of their time just figuring out how to survive without Splinter in those horrible days that they didn't have much time to search. Plus, they had clung to hope that he would return for such a long time. When they did go out to search they had often been reckless, clumsy, and it was lucky that no one more malevolent than the Foot Clan had noticed them. They'd allied themselves with them and the Foot had largely taken up the search, leaving the Turtles in their debt.

Raph had always thought, secretly, that they hadn't done nearly enough to find Splinter. So what if they had been kids? They should have done more, more for the one individual who had been responsible for their survival for so long.

Why was he gone — just _gone_ — like that? And now it was happening again. It wasn't supposed to happen twice.

Could he live on with just Donnie? He'd be well taken care of, in some ways — having Donnie in the family had always meant having certain luxuries in the lair, not to mention reliable sources of heat and light. Don didn't pester him like Mikey or get on his case like Leo. The two of them might even be the best suited to get along and complement each other over the years. He may have told Karai that Don was next in line to be the leader, but he thought they both knew how it would go. Raph would rush in and Don would follow him and support him however he could. In a fight, especially a dirty one, he'd feel more confident with Casey or Leo at his back, but in life he could feel content with Don. He loved Don, undoubtedly. Only...

It wasn't enough. One brother wasn't enough. He wanted to rage and beat his fists on the walls and the floor until he had them all back. He needed them. A cold, still horror settled over him as he resisted the urge to throw a temper tantrum. Trying to calm down felt unnatural. The vulnerability of needing his brothers so desperately. He felt so independent and invincible, especially when fighting enemies weaker than himself, but the truth was that he was so dependent on them for _everything_ and that fact was suddenly very naked in his mind. Trying to get his head around the idea of living on without them was completely foreign. It seemed impossible that something he needed so much could just be gone by some force outside of his power.

He needed Leo. He'd hated Karai for acting like Mikey didn't matter, but — _dammit_ — _he_ was focusing on Leo too. It wasn't anything against Mikey. It was just that Raph _always_ focused on Leo. He couldn't help it. Raph felt so many different things for Leo. He pretended not to — he usually denied it even in his own private thoughts, but he knew it deep down.

If Leo came back to them alive, Raph would change things between them. He vowed it. He'd improve their relationship, he'd help Leo relax and enjoy life more. He'd take Leo out of his self-appointed role of personally fulfilling all of his brothers, and then get him alone and utterly overwhelm him.

He loved those moments when he saw Leo the peer, the equal, instead of the exterior of Leo the leader. He loved it when Leo laughed. He loved how the muscles in Leo's thighs twitched after an intense workout. He loved it when Leo gave up control and let himself be in the moment. Even more so because Raph thought he was the only one who ever managed it. With Don and Mike it was easy to get them to enjoy it. With Leo, Raph had to be relentless — it took so much to make Leo stop thinking that he was only there for his brothers and not for himself. Raph had to overwhelm him completely, and to do that Raph had to set the bar higher and higher. But the work was worth it.

Leo, tied up, powerless. That was a nice thought. Leo completely at his mercy. A cold terror filled Raph unexpectedly. That wasn't right. Leo, about to die — _just save Mikey, please, it's too late for me, Mikey shouldn't have to die_. Leo bound with his limbs feeling cold and far away. Lights and sounds. _Just get Mikey out of here, when they're done with me, they'll move on to him_. Two sets of hands lifted Leo's body, it was so far away but Raph felt it. Leo falling away.

_I'll show you where._

Raph's eyes snapped open. He looked around wildly.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Don asked, sympathetically.

"No. This wasn't a nightmare. It was _real_."


	14. Bound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raphael - Part 4.4
> 
> Warnings for implied sexual assault and attempted dismemberment in this chapter.

Raph ran flat out, staying to the shadows only when it was easy. Don, keeping pace behind him, didn't protest even when Raph leapt right over the legs of a bum slumped against a wall. Avoiding him meant going all the way to the other side of the street, and they didn't have time for that. Fuck stealth.

Raph skirted a corner. He couldn't explain how he knew where to go. In his mix of emotions, he felt deep gratitude for Don. Don didn't believe in this stuff and Raph knew it sounded crazy, but Don was coming with him, solid and dependable. He hadn't pressed Raph for verification, he hadn't expressed uncertainty to April on the phone, when he hastily called to arrange for Casey to meet them at their destination. He'd said 'We know where they are,' instead of, 'We _think_ we know…'

He'd never thought he'd want to see freaking Dementoid Alley, but he did and was even relieved to see it and the distinctive graffiti on the wall at the end of the alley. It matched exactly what he'd seen in his mind back in Splinter's room. Now he _knew_ he was right. They'd been past here so many times during their search and walked right past this spot, without suspecting there was a hidden room on the other side of that mark. He ran his hands all over it and the wall, trying to figure out how it opened. Don grasped his shell.

"Stand way back," Don said, firmly moving Raph away from the wall. With a gleam in his eye he attached a small bundle to the wall and lit a string coming off of it with a lighter. Then they both moved back out to the perpendicular alley that formed a T junction with it. "Around the corner, then away from the walls," Don said quickly. They sheltered there and the moment stretched out in anticipation. Just when Raph was going to tell Don he didn't think it worked, there was a loud pop and a cloud of dust. They hurried back and found a dark space behind the broken bricks. Don rapped the bricks at the top edge of the opening with his bo, knocking the loose ones down before they went in.

Raph had imagined bursting in like a raging, wild animal and attacking their enemies head–on and exploiting the advantage of surpirse. That wouldn't work quite as well now. If their enemies were there, they would know they were coming now.

He'd expected a room behind the wall — that was what he'd seen, after all — but Don didn't seem at all surprised to find a narrow passage instead. He plunged into it, toward the right and Raph followed, single file. Then there was a light ahead, an open space. Don paused quickly to take in the room, and over his shoulder he saw Mike on the floor, bound elaborately with different colors of rope, struggling slightly. _Alive_. Mike was _alive_.

Don plunged on into the room. Raph followed him letting out a primal war cry he was only vaguely aware of and certainly hadn't planned to do. If he'd had a different temperament and wasn't so tired and frustrated, he might have been embarrassed by it.

The room was dark and seemed to be lit by only a few candles. There was a man, silhouetted against the light, right ahead of them. He seemed to have been peering down the corridor, wondering what the sound was. Now he was running across the room, shouting to someone — Raph couldn't hear or understand it. Don sprinted after him. The man stepped into a dark space in the wall which, in the low light, could have been a door or a niche, and Don vanished into it after him without hesitation.

The second person was kneeling with his back to them, over Leo who was also lying on the floor, but apart from Mike. Leo wasn't struggling. As the man turned and spun, Raph saw that the man held a knife with something dark on the blade. Raph took it all in very quickly, the candles and incense, the markings in a circle on the floor around his brothers — the fact that the man was naked except for a full face mask and armed — and as if a switch had been flipped inside of him he felt that he had absolutely no reason to hold back. He could kill this man and feel no pangs of conscience for the rest of his life, even if his brothers or Casey or even April faulted him for it, he would _always_ feel confident that it was justified, even necessary. The world would be a better place without this.

The need to kill him with his own hands sang through Raph's muscles, but he would get answers first.

He sent the dagger flying out of the man's hand and clattering against the stone wall with a quick motion and swept his feet out from under him a second later, making sure he fell away from Leo. It was too early to draw his sais, so he looked for another weapon. He grabbed up a small wooden table, sending a book and an assortment of crap sliding across the floor. Raph eyed the man and waited a few seconds to let him get to his feet, stumbling toward the door his partner had gone through. Then Raph smashed him with the table. The man's head hit the ground this time.

Then he turned to look at Leo on the floor. He felt his blood run cold. He was bound like Mikey, and also had strange symbols drawn on him. And there was blood on his thighs and pooling under him, which seemed to be coming from his exposed penis. The sight was so unexpected that Raph stared stupidly, wondering if he wasn't misinterpreting something. Then he realized why he was so confused — the rest of this room — the rest of the situation — was just as Leo had shown him in that quick flash in his mind. But Leo had blocked out — or deliberately censored — any _hint_ of this.

Then Leo's eyes blinked and Raph dropped to the floor next to him. _Alive. Both alive._ Fucked up, though. He cut Leo's ropes with a shuriken. Leo was in a stupor, limp and only partially aware of Raph, and then in a delayed kind of way.

"Leo. Leo. God." Raph pulled the gag off of Leo and ran his hands over his face and body, needing to feel that he was solid. "You called me, didn't you? We're here. What the fuck did they do to you? What the fuck?" The light was too dim to see the extent of Leo's injury, but he felt the area quickly, then tucked Leo away, some part of his mind reminding him that Leo would want his dignity. His hand came away red with blood. Afraid he'd find Mikey in worse condition, Raph turned to look at him, but noticed the man getting drunkenly to his feet.

Raph's foot touched the table. It had partly broken. He wrenched a leg off of it.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He strode over to the man and swept his legs out from under him with the table leg. The man fell hard, naked and pathetic. Another blow to the side, which the man partly blocked. Raph flung the weapon aside and threw himself down on the man, pinning him on his back with his full weight. Raph found a lit candle within reach and brought it in close — both so he could see his enemy's face, and so his enemy could see his. He ripped the mask off.

"What did you do to him?"

"Oh, gods!" The man tried to turn his face away.

"They can't help you now. What the fuck were you doing to my brothers?"

"Nothing. They're recovering. Th-they'll be fine."

"But why did you do this?"

"Just don't hurt me!"

Raph grasped a handful of hair on either side of the man's head and shook him. The man let out the panicked, breathy gasps of someone in extreme fear and pain. It was unsettling, deeply pitiful. It also wasn't the explanation Raph wanted.

"Tell me!" Raph lost it, jabbering at the man, shaking him. In that moment of blood rage, he didn't think to grab his sai. He didn't want a _tool_ to kill him with. He wanted to kill him _with his hands_.

"Stop." A hand touched his upper arm. Raph jerked and lashed out at it without thinking, then turned in shock to see Leo fall hard, too disoriented to catch himself. He heard the distinctive sound of his carapace hitting a hard surface. Leo, already so messed up, had gotten up and walked over to stop Raph from killing the man who had done this to him in the first place. And Raph had pushed him down.

With a deep sense of shame, Raph abandoned the man and knelt by Leo, grasping his shoulders. "Leo. I didn't mean to. Hold on."

The man somehow got to his feet and went out the door Don had gone into, but Raph barely noticed. Leo twitched like a sleeper trying to act out a dream.

Raph dropped his head. "Always being so fucking noble. Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to make me feel like scum? Why can't you just let me be?" He'd been wrong when he'd thought he didn't care if any of them condemned him for killing. He cared what Leo thought. There was a noise behind Raph, and he looked up to see Casey and the two Foot.

April, looking pale and nervous, dropped to the floor beside Mikey and pressed her fingers to his neck.

"They're alive," Raph said, curtly, "just drugged or something." He released Leo's hand reluctantly to go check Mikey. To his relief, there were no obvious injuries or blood on him, and he wasn't exposed.

"Don and the kidnappers went in there," Raph said, suddenly remembering. He pointed at the opening, and the Foot ninja and Casey ducked inside. "Hold tight," he said to April. As he stood, he noticed the symbol painted on the wall, identical to the one that had been outside. It would have been right in Leo's line of sight. That was what Leo had shown him. After only a second's hesitation to identify it, he plunged into the door after the others.

It was very dark. It felt like a narrow passage, like the one they'd first come into. He followed Casey and the Foot ahead and they eventually came out to an open space, outside on a street about a block over.

"What?" Casey exclaimed, looking around, like he might catch a glimpse of multiple enemies if he kept looking.

Don dropped down from above, making enough noise to alert them all so they wouldn't attack. "He's gone. I was up there trying to get a vantage point, but nothing. He was too quick for me."

"What about the one that just came through?" Raph asked anxiously. "I messed him up, he couldn't have been moving too fast."

"I never saw him," Don said. "There's no way — the passage must split," he said suddenly and they all plunged back into it.

Don lit the lighter and they studied the stone walls for a branch they had missed. "Did you check—?"

"They're alive." Raph finished quickly.

"Are they—?"

"Not hurt, at least not much. Out of it though."

They checked the length of the tunnel, but found nothing. They were too worried about having left April and the others unprotected though and went back quickly. Mike and Leo were too weak to walk. Don quickly took charge, having April get Leo and Mike's weapons, which he had spotted in a corner of the room.

"I didn't mean to make you fall," Raph told Leo. Leo's eyes were open again, but Raph didn't know if he understood. Casey helped him pick Leo up. Don and one of the Foot took Mike. April and the other Foot scouted ahead slightly for cover as they made their awkward way back to Casey's apartment. Then the Foot took off without a word.

They got them upstairs without being seen, somehow, and laid Leo and Mike down in the living room.

"Casey, get the first aid kit," Don said.

"What can I do?" April asked, jittery.

"Um… they're probably dehydrated. They're going to need fluids and food, something easy to digest… there's not much here, why didn't we think of this before?" Don wiped his wrist across his forehead, distractedly.

"I'll take care of it." April grabbed her keys and purse and left to go to the store.

Raph got some water, and Casey came back with the first aid kit. Mike and Leo were semi–conscious. They didn't answer questions, but flinched away from noise and Mike muttered "no," and raised a hand a few inches weakly when Raph slapped his face lightly. Leo's eyes were open and staring, unfocused. Certainly not as coherent as he'd been. Did he really want to stop Raph from killing so badly it had snapped him out of it? They drank water when they held cups to their mouths.

"Not too much, right?" Don asked. "I think that's the rule."

Raph opened the first aid kit. Nobody had said anything about the trickle of blood on Leo's thighs, but they couldn't have missed it. Don put a towel under him and Raph got ready to assess how bad the damage was. Don and Raph exchanged an uncomfortable look.

"There's no way to do this that isn't incredibly awkward," Don whispered. "Just do it before April comes back."

Raph put his fingers up inside of Leo and pulled his penis back out. He lay it straight up and saw the cut on the underside, right at the base. It didn't look nearly as bad as he'd feared. Raph cleaned it with disinfectant.

"Is it supposed to look like that?" Casey asked.

"Except for the cut and the blood, yes," Don replied, testily.

"Ok, I just, I dunno, I'm just checking." Casey looked at the ceiling. "S'not like I like staring at another guy's junk."

"Then don't," Raph muttered, wiping the blood off of Leo's thighs and tail.

"It's just that color..." Casey said sheepishly, "that doesn't seem right."

"It's right, moron!" Raph snapped, at the same time as Don said, "Shut up or get out!"

"Ok, ok." Casey shut his mouth and went into the hall, muttering about getting some blankets.

"There's no blood coming from inside of him, right?" Don asked, getting more disinfectant wipes.

"No, I don't think so."

"Am I right in thinking that you found him bleeding and..." Don made a tucking gesture.

"Yeah," Raph admitted, glad Casey was out of the room. "That guy had just done it. He still had the bloody knife in his hands."

A look of revolted horror came over Don's face, then he visibly pushed it away and focused on the issues at hand. Don cleaned Leo out, and the wipe came away smeared with blood. Raph looked at the assorted beige bandages blankly, but Don just wrapped some gauze around the cut area and put Leo away again. He and Don exchanged a brief look of confusion about the perversity of the whole situation. Raph's brain felt way too tired and sluggish to even try to figure out the full meaning.

When Casey returned, they were checking Mikey and cutting away the last of the colored strings. They had to clean off some marks on both of their plastrons and bridges. They reminded Raph of the marks plastic surgeons put on people on TV shows — indicators of where to cut. He remembered the saws he'd seen in the room with a shudder.

April came back with supplies and they ate a little, then spent the next day sleeping, all of them on the floor in the living room. Raph had an urgent sense of unfinished business, but sheer exhaustion forced him to sleep.

By that evening, Leo and Mike weren't exactly alert, but were somewhat awake. Don and Raph walked Leo to the bathroom. Leo didn't react when he touched the gauze, but he wasn't reacting to much of anything yet. He surprised them, when they'd got him back to his makeshift bed on the floor, by speaking about it.

"I cut myself," Leo said.

Casey, who had been dozing, looked up at hearing Leo speak.

"Leo, you ok?" Don asked.

"I tried to draw my tanto… I was messed up," Leo said with effort. "The sheath came off so the blade… cut me."

It was a lie. He was _lying_. Raph had seen the man kneeling over Leo with the bloody dagger. He didn't understand _why_ , but he was sure of what had happened. Raph felt a surge of anger directed at Leo's captors for making Leo into a liar.

"Um…" Casey said.

"That dagger," Don explained, pointing to the tiny sheathed weapon lying next to the rest of the ones Casey had brought. "Leo keeps it hidden, uh, let's call it... just say he keeps it _on his person_."

"He keeps it… there?" Casey asked. "That seems dangerous… oh god, I _touched_ it!"

"Casey." Don shook his head. He leaned over Leo and looked intently at his face, but his eyes were closed again. "Leo?" Don prompted softly. "Well, at least he's speaking now. They're getting better."

*

"It's extremely rare and scientifically unproven. It's called _astral projection_ ," Don told April and Casey, saying the words very precisely.

"It sounds so stupid when you call it that," Raph muttered, looking at his sleeping brothers across the room instead of April and Casey. The touch of Leo's mind to his own had been too intimate and unsettling for Raph to want to talk about it. He'd never believed that Leo felt fear, at least not since they had been very young. Now he knew first hand that Leo did. It hadn't been the kinds of fear Raph was familiar with — a panic, or a gnawing worry. It hadn't been fear that could be drummed up into power and aggression. He could have dealt with that. No, in that moment, Leo had felt the quiet terror that came with accepting that his own death was imminent with no hope of survival, along with the guilt at not even being able to save Mikey. Raph still felt it like a physical ache and it put him in a black mood.

"I've heard of that," April said. Beside her, Casey looked unconvinced. "Oh Raph, I didn't know that was what happened. I thought you must have remembered something or noticed some clue we'd all overlooked."

Raph shook his head.

"It's normally done while meditating, so this was an atypical example of it. But I think the sedated state that Leo was in together with Raph's sleep deprivation must have made it possible," Don explained. "We'll have to ask Leo about how he experienced it when he's more alert."

"That's really incredible," April said.

"Our master was teaching us. But he never finished, and we never really got the hang of it," Don said, looking down at his hands.

Great. Yet another painful topic that Raph really didn't want to go into. They'd never really talked about Master Splinter to Casey and April. They knew _someone_ had taught and raised them, but they'd naturally assumed he had been a human.

Casey said, "Yeah. I mean I can kinda believe in an old ninja master doing it, or even Leo, but for _Raph_ to manage it? Now that's really something." He grinned, but Raph wasn't in the mood for it and ignored it.

"Don had said something about… they weren't contacting us because all communication was blocked off or something. But it wasn't…" Raph said.

"Part of the point of it is that it prevents communication from _ever_ being blocked, unless someone is no longer able to go into the meditative state," Don said quietly. It was the same logic he had used, years ago, to convince his brothers that Splinter really was gone. No matter how long they meditated or how much they focused, they never got a message from him.

Raph gazed at Leo and Mike who were lying on the floor. "I think we'll take them home tonight," he said to change the subject.

*

They set up camp in their own living room in the lair that night, much like they'd had at Casey's. Mike and Leo were getting better. Raph noticed that Leo was awake and listening to him and Don talk. He was watching Mike, who had asked for his book and notebook, but dozed off before he could use either one.

Raph knelt by Leo. "You… ok?" He asked, feeling awkward.

"Mmm. I want to sleep… in my own room," Leo said hoarsely, but in a tone that left no room for debate. He sat up slowly.

Raph looked up and met Don's eyes across the room. Together they helped Leo into his room and his own bed.

"Leo, what happened?" Raph asked, when they had Leo settled. But despite several prompts, Leo never replied. Raph had an impulse to yank the covers off of him and shake him until he spoke, but deep down he knew Leo wasn't well enough to speak about it yet. His movements were still weak and feeble. Yet somehow, back there in that dungeon, he'd stood up by himself and walked to Raph to stop him from killing the person who had done this to him. Why had he done that? Why did Leo always have to make him feel so guilty? Raph made a frustrated gesture and walked out of the room. Don followed him.

Near dawn, Raph left the lair quietly. Catching up on sleep had made him groggy. His anger at the men who had imprisoned his brothers had been waiting in the back of his mind while the immediate aftermath of their rescue took priority. But now it was coming back, and it filled him with a jittery energy. They had gotten away scot-free — well, the one Raph had beat on, maybe not so much — but they didn't even know who they had been or why they did what they did. And Leo and Mike wouldn't even answer any questions yet.

Raph arrived at the familiar location and rounded a corner. It was impossible. He stared up in frustration at the perfectly rebuilt wall. The rubble was still there, the trash in the alley looked untouched, even the graffiti was there. He was in the right spot but, somehow, any evidence of that dungeon's existence was erased.


	15. Intrusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo - Part 5.1
> 
> Warnings for a flashback to a traumatic incident and dubcon.

_It hadn't happened. None of it had happened._

The weakness and disorientation had worn off gradually over the past several days, but Leo had pushed himself to be up, on his feet, and acting as normally as possible. Mike had still been recovering — mostly stretched out on the couch or in a nest of blankets in the corner of whichever room his brothers were in at the time, where he could sleep and read and write in his notebook. A lot of the time, it had seemed to Leo, Mike lay pretending to doze, but was really listening to his brothers, soaking up the sounds of their footsteps going past and their quiet exchanges.

Leo pushed himself hard — probably too hard. He was just glad Raph hadn't been in the room the time he'd stood up and gone fuzzy and lost his balance. Don had somehow grabbed his elbow and kept him from hitting his head. But he never once thought of pushing Mikey or accusing him of taking advantage of an opportunity to be lazy, even when Leo accused _himself_ of it.

Leo's body demanded sleep — deep, long sleep — and often he had no choice over it, although he tried to fight it. He hated not knowing if Raph was sneaking out at night, or if Mike was ok, or if Don was getting enough sleep himself, but it was also curiously freeing to not know and to have no control over it. The days passed quietly, much too quietly.

It was as if he and Mike were getting over a bad flu. Don and Raph would ask, "Did you eat yet?" or "Did you sleep?" or "Are you feeling better?" Never, "What did they do to you?" Never, "How did you get yourselves caught?" And Leo appreciated that, because it meant they all understood that what had happened to them _didn't matter_. The past was in the past, and _nothing had happened_. One had to focus on the present and plan for the future, and that's all. He kept telling himself that.

They weren't training yet, and returning to their demon hunts was unthinkable. And though sometimes he'd seen the thought of it plainly in the way Raph walked across a room or looked at Leo, nobody had even mentioned sex, which was just as well as Leo's injury, _the cut he'd accidentally inflicted on himself_ , was still healing.

Then Leo had his first glimpse of the intruder. He was walking by Mike's room, and out of the corner of his eye saw someone standing just inside the doorway. The figure was too small to be Casey or even April, and it couldn't possibly be Don or Mike as they were out in the nearby tunnels doing some walking to build up Mike's stamina — and anyway, it had looked human. Leo's breath hitched but he kept walking calmly so whoever it was wouldn't know he'd been spotted.

Every scenario of outsiders getting into their home had run through Leo's mind at one point or another. To be absolutely prepared for them was Leo's preferred alternative to living in fear or metaphorically sleeping with one eye open.

Watching Mike's door, Leo backed up several steps to Raph's and knocked on it.

"What?" Raph asked, sounding confused about why Leo was standing there but looking intently at Mike's door. Raph leaned out and craned his neck to see what Leo was looking at. Leo glanced at Raph, put his finger to his lips and mimed drawing a sai. Raph caught on fast and drew both of them. They walked slowly back to Mike's room to investigate.

There was no way out of Mike's room except for the door. The room was strange — irregularly shaped, with a raised area that took up about a third of the space — and Mike loved it for that fact. Leo gestured for Raph to take the lower area, while Leo took the loft, because from that higher vantage point Leo would be able to see the whole room.

Cautiously they checked the room — under Mike's bed and behind any piece of furniture that could possibly conceal someone. There was no one, and no sign of anything unusual, although Leo kept looking even after Raph had given up the search and discovered the magazines behind Mikey's nightstand. As most of them had women on the cover (or the page they were folded open to), Raph's interest in them surprised Leo. He'd never shown much interest in women.

"It's clear," Leo said, unnecessarily.

"What made you think it wasn't in the first place?" Raph asked. "Shit, this is mine. I was looking for it," he grumbled to himself and rolled up a battered magazine and stuck it under his arm. The only one with guys in it. Figured.

Leo shook his head. "When I walked by, I thought I saw someone." He stepped to the doorway and tried to recreate the experience, but there was nothing person-shaped that he could see in the area he thought he'd seen it in. Maybe their search had shifted whatever junk in Mikey's room had created the illusion?

Raph walked toward the door slowly with a slightly pitying look on his face. Normally he would have griped or insulted Leo for seeing something that wasn't there and jumping to the offensive. But since Mike and Leo's _incident_ he'd been treating them very lightly.

"It's nothing. A trick of the light," Leo said. "Good practice though."

"Uh-huh."

Leo walked back down the hall to his room. When Raph turned toward his own room with no further comment or complaint, Leo knew that the way Raph saw him had changed since the incident. "I'm fine. Really," Leo reassured Raph again. "I just… I think I saw the outline of the lamp behind the chair. You know me, always cautious. That's all."

"Yeah." Raph hesitated on the threshold. "So. Wanna do something later?" He didn't make eye contact.

Leo didn't have to ask what Raph meant, but before he could think of what to say, Raph replied to his own question, "Nah, you're not up for it yet. Forget I asked."

It was a manipulation, Raph suggesting that Leo was too fragile physically or mentally, and he saw through it, although it caused him more anxiety than he was willing to admit to himself. Leo crossed his arms. "I don't think Mike's ready for it."

Raph tossed the magazine onto his own bed and came back out into the hall. "No, maybe he isn't."

"He doesn't seem to be dealing with things very well."

"But what about you?" Raph leaned in close to Leo, planting one hand on the doorjamb behind him. The fingers of his other hand brushed Leo's chest. His voice was low and husky. "You're healed up enough, aren't you? We can work around it if you're not. Believe me, I can come up with plenty of creative ideas to work around it."

The cut had closed, but wasn't completely healed. Leo's body began to react, pulling at it. It stung, but not badly.

Leo didn't consciously reply, but he felt his posture relax forward. Raph grasped the back of Leo's neck and pressed their mouths together. All at once, Leo felt unburdened for the first time since the whole ordeal had begun. He hadn't fully realized just how awful it had all been, until he experienced that moment of pleasure in contrast. They slid around the corner together, fully into Leo's room. Raph's free hand stroked down Leo's plastron toward Leo's crotch and his fingers ran over the slit there. Raph gave a low chuckle of satisfaction that made a shiver run down Leo's spine and his cock twitch, still tucked inside himself.

But Raph's finger, when it entered, felt course and rough, and his hold on the back of Leo's neck turned into a vice grip. Leo's mood turned as abruptly as if he'd had cold water dumped on him. His entire body tensed involuntarily, like he was bracing for a blow, and memories — both mental and physical, flooded his mind in a jumble. Leo ducked out of Raph's hold and away from him.

"What?" Raph asked, looking almost foolish in his confusion.

"No, Raph," Leo said, and used the first excuse that came to mind. "We can't without Don and Mike."

"Would you stop it with that? I'm telling you, it's time to let those rules go already."

"No," Leo said, struggling to master himself. "It's what our entire relationship is built on — us all being equal. No one gets special treatment, no one gets left out. I thought long and hard about everything when I came up with the rules."

"We were little. You were thinking like a kid. We're not kids anymore."

"They still apply."

"Life doesn't treat us equally! You should have learned that since then. Life made Don smarter than us, and Mikey a giggling Wonder Boy and you a constant _frustration_!" Raph barked the final word with so much force that it felt like a swearword.

Leo looked at him coldly. Raph was starting to get worked up, and cool logic would calm him back down. "No, we're not the same," he said, as if explaining it to a child. "We're not identical and interchangeable. That was never the point. But we are equal."

"I don't wanna treat you equal. Leo. For God's sake, don't you get it by now? How do you possibly not get it by now? _I don't want to treat you equal!_ "

They stared at each other for several long seconds, and the quiet seemed extreme after Raph's raised voice. In an uncharacteristic gesture, Raph hid his face in his hand. Leo's heart was pounding.

"Look." Raph didn't look at him, but did take the hand away from his face and kept his tone at a reasonable level. Leo knew he was using the techniques he used to control his anger. "I know you better than anybody. Even Don and Mike. We both know it. So that means that I know what goes on up here for you." Raph pointed at his own head. "You like to deny yourself and be the responsible one. Even if that means you don't get what you need."

"What do I need?" Leo crossed his arms.

"Me. Because I can make you relax. I can give you someone to trust again. We both know that this," Raph gestured from Leo to himself, "isn't about Don or Mike or your rules. Except that when it's the four of us together, you can hide — from me! Look, you went through something rough. The problem with trying to treat us all equal is that what happened to you and Mike wasn't equal to what happened to me and Don. Hell, what happened to _you_ wasn't equal to what happened to _Mikey_. And now you're back, god dammit, and I thought I'd lost you — I suffered too, you know! And I told myself that if we got you back, I'd change things between us."

Raph looked at Leo, searchingly. He was always about intensity, no matter what he was doing. Everyone knew that, but Leo also knew that Raph could channel his intensity into unselfish acts when he wanted to. Raphael, the complicated combination of pushiness and caring, standoffishness and hidden sensitivity. There was a lot in the look Raph was giving him. Too much. It was overwhelming.

"I don't need you to take care of me. I'm fine," Leo told Raph.

"Bullshit."

"Get out." Leo was getting a massive headache.

"I meant what I said!"

"So did I. Get out."

Raph barked a swear word and turned to leave. But he stopped at the door. "Leo. I love Don and Mikey. I would do anything for them. I would die for them without thinking twice. But with you it's different." His voice dropped low. It gave Leo chills. "All these years, all these times the four of us have done it together, equally... even when it was Don or Mikey, all I've done is fuck _you_ , over and over."

Leo shivered. He gathered his wits for a long moment. "Good. Then I know you can picture it when I tell you to _go screw yourself._ " He closed and locked the door behind Raph, then sat down on the floor against it. He was shaking and covered in a cold sweat. His black, agonizingly distressing mood stayed with him for hours.

It didn't help that his rescheduled meeting with Karai was the next day. That took mental preparation, even in the best of times, and he wasn't sure he was up to it.


	16. The Nighttime Skyline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo - Part 5.2
> 
> Warnings for underage sex, interspecies sex, and dubcon.

Leo was accompanied by a silent escort to the elevator and up to the top floor. There, he returned the books and scrolls Karai had lent him to her personal assistant and was brought to the door of her quarters. Karai wasn't in her dimly-lit rooms yet, but a bath was already drawn, perfectly hot and strongly scented. Leo got into the tub and soaked quietly, looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the dazzling nighttime city. Everything was perfectly normal — his meetings with Karai varied little — except for his nerves. He hadn't felt this anxious since his first visit here.

Leo had been young and scared then. It had been shortly after Saki's death. Leo and his brothers had still been in a severe stage of adjustment to living on their own after Splinter's disappearance. He had wanted his sons to become ninjas, and Leo vowed to see it come true, no matter what it took. He hadn't suspected he was coming to see Karai for anything other than talking — discussing the future of their alliance and their two clans, and planning how to continue their training. He had rehearsed what he was going to ask for, played out different scenarios about how forceful he should be in asking for them, trying to negotiate without _seeming_ to negotiate. Karai really had all the power, and he knew it. She would be judging him, sizing him up, and he was half afraid that she would change her mind about not holding him responsible for Saki's death. He held himself responsible for it. He'd thought about that night so many times. Back then, he didn't know that you just had to let the past go.

When Karai's assistant had led Leo to the bath and told him their mistress wanted him to bathe first, he'd felt about an inch high. Of course he smelled like the sewer. Karai was so regal, and her personal quarters so elegant. What was someone like him doing there? Even worse, he hadn't even _thought_ about it — why hadn't he realized it?

When he had finished the bath, the assistant had come to get Leo and brought him to Karai in her quarters, then left them alone. Leo's mouth was so dry he could barely talk. She was beautiful and so poised and gracious to him. They'd eaten dinner together and she made small talk effortlessly. Afterwards, she poured him tea by candlelight, and they spoke about the ties between their groups. Rather than treating him as what he was — an awkward teenager, masterless, penniless, unclean, an outsider unworthy of killing the former head of the mighty Foot Clan — she treated him as an honored and valued addition to her clan. A worthy companion for herself, even. She spoke of what it was to lead a group of ninjas as if Leo were an equal — or at least, a potential equal — as if he would have equal status to her one day. She spoke of having to keep a professional distance from those in her clan.

All evening, she walked a narrow line between being a figure on a pedestal, and being a confidant. It had been manipulative, but Leo hadn't realized that until years later.

After tea, she asked him to demonstrate his flexibility and training for her. At her command, he had done katas and stretches under her close scrutiny. It hadn't seemed unreasonable, at least at first. Splinter had done much the same thing. Karai seemed more intense about it, often having him hold poses while she stared. Leo began to feel self-conscious. He had known that he'd lost weight and muscle tone in the turmoil since Splinter had vanished and because of his guilt about Saki, but he hadn't been aware of how much stamina and flexibility he'd lost as well.

She had already agreed to their alliance, but Leo felt like he was auditioning for _something_. Maybe she would renege if he failed. He was on the floor, holding his position in an open-legged split when Karai had come over and put her hands on him. With practiced hands she felt the muscles and tendons in his legs, tight-lipped. Other than the night Saki had died, no human had touched him before, and certainly no woman. Her hands were cool, small, impossibly slim, and her manner was professional. His body jittered, out of his control, and he started feeling disconnected from himself.

She had him hold his arms a certain way and flex while she felt them, like she might select produce in a supermarket. Then his neck and shoulders, then his hands. By now, he'd forgotten his mental checklist of things he wanted to ask for from the Foot — and he no longer cared if they got them. He was torn between the urge to run away and never see Karai and the Foot again, and the desire to let her do what she would with him, to offer up his body freely to her. His feelings were undoubtedly becoming sexual, and Karai had to know it. Or was she really just testing his body as she would test any ninja recruit under her training? Maybe it was just Leo — being a teenager and ignorant of women — interpreting things all wrong?

Her touches became firm, pressing and squeezing, working up one limb at a time until she reached his plastron, then moving to the next. In spite of his nerves, it felt amazing. Leo had been carrying around a lot of tension lately, and the muscles she'd worked on felt so much better it was a relief.

"You have trained well. You are roughly on par with what I would expect from one of my own ninja at your age," she said. "But average isn't enough. I expect more from you, and I believe you do of yourself as well. I suspect your recent training has been weak without your master." She looked him in the eye, and he felt transparent. She slid his mask off. He closed his eyes and bowed his head forward as she ran her hands down, from the crown of his head to his neck and shoulders, massaging. "Now that I see your present condition, I can assist you in forming a training plan to reach your full potential. Your body is in excellent condition. I admit to still being quite curious about it. Indulge my curiosity, if you would?"

If he got much more turned on, there wouldn't be much left that was unknown to her. But he strove for as much control over himself as possible.

Without waiting for him to answer, she put her hand on his shell. "For example, do you feel sensations here?" She dragged her fingernails across the ridges.

"Yes."

"And here?" she slid her hands to rest on the front of his plastron.

"Yes."

"Fascinating." She rubbed her thumb on it, as if feeling the texture. "You must be curious about my body as well." He stopped breathing at that. "It's only natural. Although, perhaps you are only interested in turtles." There was a challenge in her words, and a slight taunt.

It was true, his attractions leaned mostly toward his own kind (gender being moot), but Leo had also been exposed to a lot of human ideas through TV and books. He understood human standards of beauty and attractiveness, and some of it had undoubtedly sunk into him over the years.

"Your body, so naturally protected..." She fingered the central line of his plastron, her hand sliding down, down... "Your shell protecting your heart, your... organs." Down.

"Karai —" He grasped her hand and stopped it, his heart pounding. He froze, unsure of what to do next.

"We must symbolically unite our clans, Leonardo. Cement our agreement with an act — personal, between us. Don't you agree? Something that helps us remember."

His grip slackened on her hand.

God, he'd been so young, so flattered and overwhelmed. In awe of her. He'd have done anything she wanted.

Her flexible waist, her spine, the ribcage under her skin, moving under his hands, had all felt so undeniably foreign. Her body, slim and soft. Her small breasts, her nipples that stood our further from her body than Leo would have thought necessary. Her hair, cool and silky — he pressed his face into it. A few strands between them, catching on his mouth. Her ears, rigid but flexible.

He thought he'd managed to please her. He hadn't made a fool of himself at least, and was glad he had some sexual experience from being with his brothers. The rules said nothing about any outside person, because Leo had never thought it would be a realistic possibility. But this violated the spirit of the rules. He was betraying his brothers. Except for the fact that he was doing this _for_ them. Karai obviously expected him to do this as part of their alliance. He and his brothers needed the Foot, and for that Karai needed to be happy.

In the following years, this had continued to be a ritual for them, with Karai setting arbitrary dates for these meetings. Even after Leo acknowledged that Karai held herself aloof from him, and didn't care much for pleasuring him, and kept their relationship stagnant, he kept going.

He told his brothers half-truths — that he and Karai discussed their training, that the scents the baths and oils left on his skin were from incense, that the meetings took so long and left him so exhausted because she physically evaluated his training. He didn't know what they'd say if they knew. He hoped he'd never find out.


	17. Hybrid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo - part 5.3

Leo finished his bath, dried, and went into her room. It was lit only by candles. Karai was sitting with a pot of tea in front of her. He was right on time. Karai looked at him expectantly. He had put his gear back on to appear presentable, although he would take it back off soon enough.

"Leonardo," she said simply.

He sat down across from her. "I'm sorry for missing our last appointment, and I would like to thank you on behalf of my brothers for the assistance of your Foot ninja." He bowed his head.

"Think nothing of it," Karai said. She poured his tea and slid the cup in front of him. "Your brothers stormed in here and demanded my assistance. Despite having been raised by a Japanese man, you are very American."

Leo didn't correct the assumption that Splinter had been human. He had always felt that the less he said about Splinter to her, the better. She had several times mentioned she would like to know his real name so she could research who he was and which group of ninja he had come from. Leo hadn't answered — let her believe he had descended from some prominent, powerful clan.

"They are very loyal," she continued, "and that is commendable. Perhaps they have picked up some Japanese traits. You are truly hybrids in every way. Fascinating."

"Thank you."

"My Foot ninja reported that you and your brother were bound and drugged but not seriously harmed." She held her teacup without drinking and observed Leo closely.

"Yes."

"How did you allow yourselves to be captured?" There was a hint of an accusation in her voice, a test or a challenge to Leo. He and his brothers may not be direct members of the Foot, but they were associates and she demanded the highest level of quality from them.

"My memory of the whole night is hazy. I know we fought one of the demons. I had split up into two groups. We saw something odd... we fought something... and there were humans there." Leo rubbed his forehead. "I had a lot of strange dreams from the drugs. I'm not sure what was real and what wasn't."

"Humans held you and attempted to conduct an occult ritual with you. Do you know for what purpose?"

"No. I was too out of it to understand much of what they were talking about."

"Very well. I will take you off of hunting demons for now. The information you have gathered about them has been very useful to me, as have the tokens you've brought me from them, but I believe it is time I bring the Foot in and begin the next phase. I suggest you focus on stealth training for now, and remain underground."

"Yes." Leo nodded, feeling conflicting emotions at being taken off of the assignment. "Do you think what happened to us is related to the appearance of the demons?"

"I do, although I do not understand the connection. I regret to tell you that the night you and your brother were recovered, my ninja were unable to locate the humans who abducted you. They remain at liberty, but we will find them. It is important that you stay away from the area."

"I understand."

Karai stood up and walked around the table. She undid the knot in his mask without asking. Although it was abrupt, Leo sat still and bowed his head and let her do it — there was an unspoken understanding between them that she had full access to his body. That was why he was here, after all. She folded it carefully and placed it on the table. She pulled him to his feet and took off his pads, belt and katana harness. When she pulled out his tanto — which had been a present from her in the first place — his cock came with it. She ignored it for now, and took a bottle of oil out of the pocket of her kimono and coated his skin with it, slowly, sensually.

She didn't like it when he reciprocated, and she never varied from her routine. He'd learned that a long time ago. She also didn't care for kissing, and certainly never said any words of appreciation or affection. But sometimes, when she sighed his name in pleasure, he forgot for a few moments that there wasn't love between them. He found her attractive. He was flattered by her interest in him. But their relationship was a strange combination of business partnership and an understanding between kindred spirits, nothing more.

After she finished the massage, she slipped out of her simple kimono and guided Leo into bed. She straddled his legs and grasped his cock, stroking it a few times, as if to make him harder rather than for his pleasure. Leo closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of her slim hand on him. She seemed satisfied and was about to mount him, when her hand slid down and touched the cut at the base. She paused and drew back, and Leo opened his eyes. She was staring, with a frown, at the cut.

"It's nothing," Leo said in a hoarse voice. "It's almost healed."

She gave him a dubious look, but got into the right position and guided him into her.

After they had finished, Karai did something unexpected. She put her robe back on, picked up a phone from the table and summoned her assistant to the room in Japanese. Leo, still breathing hard and barely finished with his orgasm, was confused. He heard a knock at the door. Karai opened it. He tucked himself away out of reflex and sat up, trying his best to look like he hadn't just slept with the leader of the Foot clan. He could have vanished from sight, but he thought it might seem that he didn't trust Karai. It was a difficult line to walk, between living up to her high expectations of him as a ninja, and her demands for loyalty.

He sat on the bed as Karai's servant brought in a freshly made pot of tea, set it on the table, and took away the empty one. Leo felt really awkward. Karai had never done this before. Everything about the room screamed that they had just had sex. The servant shut the door.

"Tea?" Karai asked, politely.

Leo got up, feeling disoriented, and sat down at the table again, and accepted the cup.

"Only the most loyal of my servants are allowed into my personal chambers. You don't need to be concerned about discretion, or embarrassed. I don't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, so you don't need to. I hope you are comfortable with me by now." She sipped her tea and smiled. "I admit, I did not want to have to go through the first awkward meetings again with Donatello." 

Leo felt cold inside suddenly. "What do you mean?"

"I told him that he was to come in your place, if you were dead or unable to fulfill your duties as leader due to your imprisonment."

Leo felt very uncomfortable thinking of Donnie doing what he did with Karai, and the very fact that she would substitute one for the other with little more thought than how awkward the first time might be.

"Which brings us back to the matter at hand. That cut was inflicted by your captors, was it not?" Karai asked.

"Yes." She wouldn't believe the story about cutting himself with his tanto, so there was no point in lying.

"For what result was it made? For example, did they press the edge of a blade there in order to get you to comply with them? Or did they intend to complete the cut and sever the penis?"

"I don't know," Leo said, unable to make eye contact with her.

"I see. I suspect it was the latter. This makes things much more serious. They would have taken your life had that cut been completed. It is unlikely you would have survived the blood loss without medical intervention, which would be most likely unavailable to you." She sipped her tea again. "They must have been attempting advanced magic."

"What do you know?" Leo asked.

"Well, traditions differ between east and west, but surely there are correlations." She chose her words slowly. "It is likely, given the occult setting, that they wanted an item to use in a fertility ritual or as an energy conductor. You being an exotic creature would have added to its desirability. However, it is not my area of expertise. Consider it a theory now, and I will research it more. For now — I trust you understand why it is important that you and your brothers do not risk recapture."

Leo nodded, feeling numb.

"Very well. Let us meet again in six weeks. My assistant will have a box for you on the way out." Karai stood up and went into another room, closing the door behind her.

Leo used her washroom — as was their normal pattern — to clean himself up before going home. His brothers didn't know what he did with Karai, but they would certainly catch on if he went straight home as he was. He got the box of books and scrolls and left.

*

When Leo got home, Don and Raph were sitting side-by-side on the couch, as if waiting for him. The TV screen was blank, Mikey was nowhere in sight, and the lair was quiet. Leo's stomach lurched with sudden nerves. Not anything else, not now when he just wanted to go to sleep.

"Guys," Leo said, a greeting and question.

"Hey Leo. Have a seat," Don said.

"Why, what is it?" Leo asked. It came out more sharply than he'd meant it to.

"Nothing's wrong. We just want to talk," Don said, but Leo could see signs of strain in him. His breathing was elevated with nerves, his plastron rising and falling visibly. Whatever this was, Leo wasn't going to like it, but they were his brothers and they needed him, so Leo sat down.

"Karai has _got_ to tone down the incense," Raph muttered.

Leo smirked at the parallel — Karai didn't like how he smelled when he came to see her, and Raph didn't like how he smelled when he came back. His worlds weren't compatible.

"Tell me what this is about," Leo said, wanting to get it over. Had they figured out what he did with Karai? Or were they going to finally give him the fourth degree over the whole _incident_?

Don fiddled with his kneepad. "We're worried about you and Mikey."

"He talked to us about what happened to the two of you," Raph said.

"What did you do, wait until my back was turned, and force Mikey to tell you all the details?" Leo asked with a surge of anger.

"No, he came to us, unlike you," Raph said.

"Why isn't he here?" Leo asked, looking around the room again.

"He went to bed. He was kind of wiped out after talking about all of it," Don said.

Leo slumped back in his seat, tiredness coming over him again. He had to keep his cool. He could get through this if he turned it around. "I know it's been hard on Mikey. The three of us need to do whatever we can for him. I think he's dealing with it though, if he's opening up."

"We're more worried about you."

"I'm fine," Leo said, automatically.

The two exchanged a look.

"Really. I know it'll take some work to get back to full strength, but I'm doing fine. I was planning on having us start training again tomorrow, if Mikey's up for it," Leo said. When they didn't answer, he continued, "Look it was a... harrowing experience. But it's over and we're all ok and we've been through worse. We just need to give it a little time and take it easy on Mikey."

"'Been through worse?'" repeated Raph, with a skeptical tone. "Worse than nearly having your dick cut off? Worse than being molested?"

Leo opened his mouth, then shut it again, wrong-footed.

Don exhaled noisily. "We weren't going to say it that bluntly." He gave Raph a look.

"It needed to be said! We have to get this out in the open."

Leo crossed his arms. "Why do you think that? Why do you need to know what happened? It's not like we can change it. If Mikey wants to talk, that's fine. But you don't have the right to _demand_ to know everything. I'm tired, can we wrap this up?"

Don cocked his head, looking at the floor. He spoke slowly. "You do have a point. You have a right to not tell us, of course, but will you please listen to us when we tell you that you're not over this mentally. What happened has affected you, and that means it has affected _us_ too. Talking about it might take some of the burden off of you — you won't be carrying around a secret."

Raph pressed his fist to his mouth and spoke from behind it. "Look, I know you're not very happy with me these days. As far as what you and I talked about before — ok, if I'd really known what you went through, I wouldn't have pushed you like that. But you're not yourself."

Leo glared at Raph. "I just need some time. It's not such a big deal. We were drugged or something and I was barely aware of what was going on. Mikey's memories might not even be right."

"You thought you were about to die when you contacted me," Raph said, "I felt it."

"I... don't know how I did that. I just remember being there and really wanting to save Mikey. Then you guys came in. That's all," Leo said.

"But you did lie to us about how you got cut," Raph said.

"I was confused."

"You knew you didn't cut _yourself_ ," Raph shot back.

"I hardly knew what I was saying. I didn't choose to lie, I was — I was a mess. You want me to apologize, or is there another point to all of this?" Leo asked, frustrated.

Raph slammed his fist down on the arm of the couch and looked away, but was silent. Don just shook his head.

Leo stood up. "We'll be back to normal in no time, so just leave it alone." He walked to his room, feeling their eyes on his back.

In his room with the door shut behind him, Leo let out a deep breath. As uncomfortable as that had been, Leo was relieved that Mikey apparently didn't know about, or had chosen not to tell them about, the worst thing that had happened that night.


	18. Fractured Foundation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donatello - part 6.1

_"Mou ichido!"_ Leo called, arms folded.

They'd been at this for hours, running Leo's stealth mazes through old tunnels, some dry, some wet. Always Leo stood there and barked _'mou ichido'_ — _again_ when they were done with each lap. _Again. Again. Again._

"It's like some kind of stealth Olympics," Don said to Mike when they were at the far end of a lap, well out of Leo's hearing, he hoped. He would risk some harsh criticism from Leo if it meant drawing Mike out a bit. It was a lame comment, but the best he could come up with at the moment. Often Mike would springboard off of his lame comments and run with them. Or he used to.

Now, Mike just shrugged at him and continued. Don sighed. This was how things were going more and more these days. He focused on getting through the water as quietly as possible.

_"Mou ichido!"_

"Leo, we got this," Raph grumbled. "We got it twenty times ago. Hell, we got it two years ago."

Don and Mike kept going, avoiding the brewing fight.

_"Mou ichido!"_

Don heard only silence behind him, which probably meant Raph was catching up to them. He was right, they'd been doing stealth exercises down here for a long time, especially in their early life when Splinter never took them above ground.

Another lap. Mikey withdrawn and silent. Raph withdrawn and angry. Leo withdrawn and authoritative. Well, they all managed silence during stealth training, but beyond that it just felt wrong. They rounded on Leo again, standing, observing, keen for any sound or giveaway of his brothers' presence in the tunnel. He opened his mouth, drew breath to shout it again —

"Leo, let's take this topside," Raph suggested.

Leo shut his mouth, so Don and Mike paused to see what Leo would say.

But he shook his head. "I don't think so."

"'Real world practice,'" Raph said, "just like you always say."

"Leo," Don ventured hesitantly. "I think getting back to our above ground training would be good. There's only so much we can do here, and we've been cooped up for weeks now."

"No," Leo said, then snapped something in Japanese.

"Enough with the Japanese!" Raph said. "You sound stupid. You're not Splinter and you're not Karai, so drop it."

"Raph," Leo said heatedly, but Raph didn't let him continue.

"No, now listen, you're all caught up in this being our teacher thing. But look, even Don agreed with me that it'd be good for us to go topside. We're not trying to weasel out of training, we just want to go do some of the real stuff again. If we're all saying that's what we want to do, don't you think maybe you should listen?"

With that, all three of them shot a simultaneous look at Mikey to see which side he was on. Mike slunk back a few steps. Don felt irrationally like shaking him. It wasn't like him to back down, in fact it was usually he and Raph who teamed up when Leo was overzealous with something.

"Mikey," Raph said taking a step forward. In a flash Leo was between them, staring Raph down.

"Don, Mike, keep going. Raph will catch up to you in a minute," Leo said coldly, never taking his eyes from Raph's face.

Don and Mike turned to start another lap. Don knew Leo had a lot of inner demons to fight after his imprisonment. Maybe that was why he couldn't face fighting the real ones just yet. Maybe if Leo would just talk about it… but Don had never been the type to talk to his brothers about their feelings or their problems. He could identify the need, but when he thought of doing it he just wanted to slink away. Usually Mikey took care of that, or at least Raph was good for getting the yelling started. Maybe Raph and Leo would get into a good yelling match now, or a good old fashioned round of fisticuffs. Maybe that would loosen up whatever was eating Leo.

But Don and Mike hadn't gone far when Raph called them back. They stopped, unsure, and looked back at their brothers.

"This is absolutely unacceptable," Leo said, puffing himself up and somehow standing a few inches taller than his already perfect posture had him, glaring at Raphael. "Get back to the exercises, Raphael."

"Uh-oh," Don muttered to Mike. When he didn't respond, Don looked at him expectantly. It dawned on him then that this was the point at which Mikey broke the tension with jokes, or straight up stepped in to break up the fight. He stood by Don in the near dark, staring at his brothers as if looking right through them.

Raph surprised Don then with his light tone. "I will if you will."

Leo narrowed his eyes. "What does that —"

Raph batted Leo's pointing finger away. "It means that you need the training more than we do. You're not back to top form yet."

"Oh, really Raph? That's good, after you and Don forced your way right in the Foot's front door in broad daylight. Some ninjas you are. They probably think we–"

"Don and I were saving you and Mike," Raph paused, "for which I haven't heard a thank you yet, by the way. Now you know you're not back in top form, and you know you're not our sensei, you're one of us, just another ninja-in-training. So let's see some training. When you're a level whatever master you can stand here and boss me around while you take it easy. But you're not. So let's see you get your ass out here with us. I'll match you move for move. Hell, I'll _outdo_ you move for move."

For a tense moment, Don thought Leo would concede and do as Raph said. His plastron rose and fell under deep breaths. Then he said in a forced calm. "Don, Mike, continue." There was no arguing with his tone. So Mike and Don set out yet again. When they finished their lap Leo was standing alone. Don didn't know if Raph was still there, training in perfect stealth, or if he'd stormed off.

Is this how it's going to be for us, Don wondered. Trauma after trauma building up, us never really getting over any of it but acting like we're fine until we completely fall apart?

He would let Leo cool off, then he'd say something. Hell, he wasn't good at talking out problems, but he could at least make a case for them getting back to their regular training. Without Raph present, arguing for it, Leo might even agree to it. Or maybe Don could get him to set a schedule for when they'd resume it. Leo liked schedules, after all.

*

Raph came back in the late afternoon, and none of them had spoken about it, but tension hung in the air. That night, Leo had them all meditate by candlelight. Don, to be honest, had never been very good at it. But it gave him time to get a lot of quiet thinking done.

"You're not concentrating." Leo said, after a time.

Don caught himself. It was true. He'd been running through the work he was doing with April, the problems with his brothers, his mind working so freely that he'd forgotten himself. But that wasn't meditating, at least not the way Leo wanted them to do it.

"All of you, you're thinking about other things. I can tell."

Don opened his eyes, reluctantly. Apparently they weren't going to be let off the hook over this.

Leo looked at them in turn. He used to sit next to them when they meditated. These days he sat where Splinter used to.

"Michelangelo, what are you thinking about?" Leo asked.

"Um, I was just..."

"Clear your mind. You have to. Don't let any memories in." Leo said sternly. "Don!"

"Sorry Leo, I'm finding it hard to concentrate today," Don said, looking at his hands. "I'll try harder."

"Raph!"

"I'm sitting here nice and quiet, what more do you want?" Raph asked.

"I want you to clear your mind! Don't let any intrusive thoughts in!" Leo commanded.

"If I'm distracted, it's your fault."

"Leo, we've all been—" Don began.

"No Don, let Raph speak for himself," Leo countered.

"What is it you really want, Leo?" Raph asked. "You want all of us miserable and frustrated, like you are. You want to say, 'no, Raph, bad boy, everything you do, everything you want is wrong,' while you ignore your own problems. And I've been sitting here quietly, doing my best, trying to be patient and put up with you. And if you had any insight into anyone else or any regular needs and feelings, you'd know how hard that is. It's a lot. But no, you can't leave it alone. You have to keep telling me I'm doing things wrong."

Leo took a deep breath, let it out, then said, "Meditation is about emptying your mind. In fact, you should try _harder_ to do it when you're unsettled and distracted. That's how you learn."

The two of them stared at each other for a second, then Raph stood up. "Didn't you hear a word of what I just said? Don't you care? No, don't answer that. Sitting here and being criticized for doing it wrong is more important than how we feel or what we've been through. I get it. Well, don't let me interrupt anymore." He turned and walked out.

"See, if you had ever really mastered meditation, you wouldn't think that, Raph," Leo got to his feet and hurried after Raph.

Mike sighed.

"Let them go, Mike. Nothing we can do," Don said.

"Sometimes, with the two of them... I think maybe... it could be my imagination..."

"Something between them, different than the rest of us have? More in that argument than what we're hearing?"

"Yeah." Mike looked away.

"It's not your imagination."

*

It was early — earlier than Don usually liked to get up, but that would mean Mikey and Raph were still asleep. And Leo — as expected, was awake. Sitting with a book and a cup of tea. Leo had always been the early riser of the group, aside from the first days of his recovery. Maybe this was a sign he was getting back to normal.

"Leo."

"Don. Yeah."

"I, uh…" Don stepped into Leo's room. Leo usually kept his room neat, but today it seemed sterilized. Usually it at least showed evidence of daily living. Don started to sit, then changed his mind halfway.

"You're going to April's later?" Leo asked.

"Yeah. And I wanted to ask when you think we'll get back to training in Dementoid Alley?"

Leo stiffened. "Karai's taken us off of that for now."

"Well, what's she want us to do?"

"We don't have an assignment. We're just back to training."

Don shifted his weight. "Why don't we go back there for our own training? Or, it doesn't have to be there, even just patrolling or going up to the city at night."

Leo's fingers tightened around his mug. "I don't think we need to."

"You don't?"

"No."

"Leo, we're cooped up here. We're at each other's throats."

"We lived the first decade of our lives like this. Everybody will adjust, Don. Certainly, I don't have a problem with the occasional daytime visit to see April or work in her shop. But out at night? Out beating up thugs? No."

"Some kinds of training… exercise… you can't really do down here. I know you and Mike aren't up to speed yet, but even Raph and I are losing ground from —"

"Don. I know all of this. I don't like being the bad guy, but going topside is always a risk. We have no reason to do so. A little cabin fever isn't enough reason to take the risk of going up."

"Risk? We can bring Casey along as a fifth if you're concerned –"

"I appreciate your interest, but I've thought about it long and hard, conferred with Karai, and decided. We're not going up to the streets to patrol or fight. Someone has to be responsible for us and make decisions for us. Splinter would, and we would obey him. He left me in charge, so why does everyone question me?"

"Because… you're tired, aren't you Leo?"

"I'm fine."

"You haven't been right since – since you got back."

Leo waved a hand, a purposefully casual gesture. "A little stress. All part of being the leader. I'm fine."

There it was. The denial.

"Leo, even on Star Trek, the ship's doctor can temporarily relieve the captain of duty if he's ill or medically unfit."

Leo raised an eye ridge. Amused. "I'm not ill. And you're not a doctor, and this isn't the Enterprise. I'll try to rest more, but I'm afraid I'm not changing my mind. I need your help to make the others understand. To help them transition. Ok, Donnie?"

"I know…" Don rubbed the back of his head. He half wished he hadn't come in here. He tried changing. "I'm worried about Mikey. He's really not himself."

"I know. I'm worried about him too. He's been so…" Leo folded his arms and looked away. "Withdrawn."

"I don't know what to say to him. He won't talk to me much." Don rubbed his wrist.

"I'm keeping an eye on him. Trying to figure out what he needs. He doesn't need any pressure right now. This is why I need your help, Don. To keep things normal. To give Mikey some space and some support and things as normal as we can. Don't push him, don't question him. I can't get this through to Raph. You know how he is. But he might listen to you. I need you to help me."

"Sure thing, Leo," Don said, forcing the words.

Don left the room frustrated and worse, questioning himself. He'd thought, when Karai said Leo had named him the second in command, that it was because Leo thought he would be good at it. Now he knew… Leo had only named the least irresponsible of his mess-up brothers. Don wasn't a leader. He was just the most logical and the most obedient.


	19. Ingenuity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donatello - part 6.2

Their training that day was intense, and to everyone's surprise, Leo joined in equally. Raph smirked and clapped Leo on the shell, but didn't rub it in. Leo had them practicing vertical climbs – up a wall in a deep part of a drainage area, and up the inside of a thick vertical pipe. It was claustrophobic. Don braced his shell against one side of the pipe, muscles in his limbs straining as he climbed without hand or footholds. He wondered, not for the first time, what benefit there really was to training. It kept them busy and occupied, gave them goals to achieve and ways to gauge their progress, but what point did it _really_ have? Sure, the Foot soldiers trained, but they actually went on missions for Karai. Illegal, mostly, but still with some real goal. In the end it was a job for them, they got paid or at least taken care of by the Foot.

 _'Why do we train? What's the point?'_ Sure, taking out those demons did some good. It may have saved some lives. But now they couldn't even do that. And for all that, when they went to save Leo and Mike, they hadn't even had to fight. Their captors had fled from them. Raph had messed one up a little, but Don… he grunted and inched himself up, always up. Don hadn't even caught up to them. The captors had just vanished in the dark tunnel ahead of him. Some help he'd been.

He reached the top, pulled himself up through a 45 degree bend in the pipe, found the rock Leo had left there earlier, and brought it back down with him as proof.

Raph had gone through the exercise easily, but Mike and Leo had come down panting, their muscles twitching.

"What d'ya think changed his mind about training with us?" Raph asked in a low voice when Leo was in the pipe.

Don doubted his conversation with Leo had done much. He shrugged.

"Well he needs to get back in shape. He's worse off than he'd let on." Raph stretched and flexed with a low chuckle. "I'm gonna go again. I betcha he'll do it as many times as I do. And I can go plenty of times."

Don just shook his head, but knowing his brother, it was true.

"How are you, Mikey?" Don attempted.

"Oh, you know me, I'm fine," Mike said with a wide smile. Too wide.

"You're getting better," Raph said, nodding his head at the pipe to indicate Mike's climbing.

"Yeah," Mike said. And that was the end of that.

Don had to leave early to go to April's. When Leo climbed back down, he excused Don. Mike looked at him longingly for a moment, and Don wondered if he wanted to come too, or if he just didn't want to be left alone with Leo and Raph and their competition. Don clasped Mike's upper arm for a moment — he wouldn't invite Mike today. Raph was right, Mike really did need to regain some strength. As he walked away, he heard Raph announce loudly that he was climbing again.

*

"Don." April hugged him warmly. She'd come by the lair several times while his brothers had been recovering, but they hadn't seen each other much lately. "How are Leo and Mike?"

"Getting better," Don said, not wanting to go into his worries. She would just tell him that they needed some time to get over something like that. She'd be right too. "How are things here? I know we must be pretty far behind schedule."

"It's ok. There were delays on the other end too. Things never go quite according to plan. But we have the next shipment now. Here, I'll show you."

In the hall between the back door and the stockroom, boxes were piled as high as Don's shoulder against one wall. "This is unsorted and un-catalogued, I'm afraid," April told him. "I've only been able to go through a few boxes. I moved them in here." She pointed at a few boxes, labeled and neatly stacked against a wall in the stockroom. Space was definitely becoming an issue.

"There's some weird stuff, even just in the little bit I've gone through. Gyad and Calvin told me a lot, but we're going to have some research to do. But I'm feeling a little more open-minded about these New Age things now that I know some form of telepathy is real," April said.

Don shifted, uncomfortable. It seemed that all conversations were going back to Mike and Leo's imprisonment. It was still hanging over their heads. "Yeah. I'm still not entirely sure I believe in it myself, though. The more I think about it, the more I think Raph just subconsciously picked up on some clue. I certainly don't believe in all of this stuff." He gestured at the boxes.

"I don't either," April said with a smile. "But a lot of people do. It's trendy. I just hope this all works out," she said with a sigh.

Don got to work for a long afternoon of sifting through boxes and entering information about each item into a spreadsheet. He could hear April out in the shop, moving around and speaking to customers now and then. Some of the items were extremely strange, like the embarrassing books on sex magic that he just couldn't resist peeking in. His body reminded him that it had been a long time since he'd done anything with his brothers. He'd taken care of himself when he'd needed to during that time to take the edge off. His body, and the presence of April all afternoon, nagged at him. It annoyed him. He liked to think of himself as someone who first and foremost made logical choices with his mind, aided a little by his gut from time to time. Needs of the body, especially when they clouded the judgement of the mind, were a distraction.

*

When Don got home that night all three of his brothers were sitting around the TV, although none of them seemed to be paying much attention to it. Raph was toying with a sai and jiggling his foot restlessly. Mike was curled in a corner writing in a notebook. And Leo was on the floor (out of range of the sai out of long years of habit) looking over some cast-off weapons Karai had given them, cheap ones the Foot trainees had used until they were battered.

"Hey guys," Don said, noting the odd energy in the room and sitting at the far end of the sofa from Raph. There was a slight murmur of greeting from his brothers. "How was training?"

"Excellent," Raph said with a shit-eating grin.

Leo snorted without looking up from the shuriken he was sorting. The warped and bent ones that would need hammering into shape made a crooked pile.

For a moment, everything felt normal again.

"How's April?" Leo asked.

"Fine, though a little worried about you two," Don said. When the silence stretched out, he mentally kicked himself for reminding them.

"How was it going to the surface?" Raph asked. "Remind me, 'cause I've almost forgotten."

Leo's stack of shuriken fell over, clattering loudly. Don was grateful for the distraction. It got him out of having to reply.

The others had eaten already, so Don made himself a sandwich and ate on the couch, in front of the TV with his brothers. Long minutes passed, their silence stretched out, and the room felt stuffy and claustrophobic.

"Guys, we did a lot of training today. How about if we call it an early night?" Leo asked after a while. He'd put the weapons away and had been sitting listlessly.

Raph didn't take his eyes from the TV. "I'm good. You go ahead."

"Actually, I had coffee at April's. I'm kind of wired," Don said.

"Mike?"

Mike just shook his head.

Leo lingered indecisively for a moment. Don suspected that Leo's pride was warring with his exhaustion. And losing, apparently, as Leo shrugged and walked toward his room.

"Nighty-night," Raph said, brightly.

Leo forced a smile. "Goodnight, guys."

As soon as Leo's door shut Raph started to chuckle. "Told ya I'd keep him training all afternoon," Raph told Don. "Well it's good for him. You too, Mikey." He scratched himself lazily and stretched, standing up. "Good for _me_ too. Time to hit the streets."

"Raph! Did you tire Leo out so you could sneak out?" Don asked. He found that he didn't entirely disapprove. It was nice seeing Raph showing some ingenuity.

Raph smiled and shrugged. "Who wants to come with me? Get a little air, prowl around for some thugs. Eat Casey's junk food. Or… _whatever_."

His eyes, his voice, and his body language held a promise. It was thrilling and dangerous and sexy. Don felt a rush of excitement at the thought... and at the knowledge that Raph's gaze lingered on _him_.

_Damn the consequences._

Besides, Don was already on his feet. His body had known the answer before his mind had finished reasoning it out.

"What about…" Mike's head jerked toward Leo's room.

Raph waved a hand dismissively at the closed door. He smiled slyly at Don next to him as Don secured his bo on his back. "What about _you_ , Mikey?"

Mike studied him for a moment. Then he shook his head and smiled tiredly. "Had enough of a workout already."

"This one'll be more fun, I promise," Raph said.

"Nah, you guys go ahead," Mike said.

Raph tossed him the remote. "Next time, alright Mikey? I won't take no for an answer."

"Sure."

When Don and Raph were out in the tunnels, Raph stopped and held up a hand to halt Don. "I got other things in mind than just rustling up some petty street thugs. Just so you know."

Don raised an eye ridge. "What, was I born yesterday?" When dealing with Raph, adopting a bit of his slightly condescending, flippant manner often worked best. Raph understood it and responded to it.

Raph grinned. "Let me put it real straight forward. If you're not here for sex, go back."

Don rolled his eyes. "What are we standing around here talking all day for?"

Raph threw his head back and laughed.


	20. Respite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donatello - part 6.3

"What would you have done if I'd turned back?" Don asked, amused.

"Made do with some of Casey's porno tapes while he's out, I guess, though they're boring. Too many women. Some're just women going at it together. He's got no taste."

"So, is that where we're going? He won't... be there, will he?"

"Nah, he's out all night tonight. C'mon."

They went the rest of the way in silence. Don had a big grin on his face to match Raph's. It felt good. He couldn't stop. He felt reckless and free.

They let themselves into Casey's apartment through the window. Don took a quick look into the bedroom and kitchen.

"You sure he's out? He's not gonna walk in on us?"

"I'm positive," Raph said. "He's not coming back tonight. And he lets me use this place all the time. Stop that." Raph grabbed Don as he glanced around and pushed him back against the wall and kissed him hard.

"My one sane brother," Raph chuckled into Don's ear as Don kissed Raph's neck. "You don't have a problem breaking Leo's rules, do you?"

"Get down there," Don said in response, pushing Raph's shoulders down.

"Don getting pushy. I love it." Raph dropped to his knees and shoved Don back, half on the wall and half on the window. "And I love doing this..." It was true — Raph had always seemed to enjoy giving head. Maybe too much. No one, seeing Raph doing it, could take it for a submissive act.

It was as if the tension in his body had all moved, very quickly, to where Raph's mouth was. Raph grasped Don's tail in his fist and pulled it, shoving his hips against the wall with his other hand. Don's arm crunched across the blinds as Don braced himself. He tipped his head back, feeling dizzy and pleasantly light headed. Raph's mouth made obscene noises on him, but he didn't care.

Stripes of light fell from the streetlight outside through the blinds, and rippled over Raph's head and shoulders as he moved. Raph made a noise of pleasure or amusement in his throat and Don shivered.

Don wasn't going to last much longer, but Raph pulled away, as if he had to force himself. Don looked down at him in dismay, at Raph sitting back panting a little with a wet mouth. Raph moved his hand in his own crotch and his cock sprang out hard from under his plastron. He unhooked his belt and threw it, sais clattering, aside.

"You fuck me first," Raph panted. He got down on all fours and pointed his tail to the ceiling.

Don fell on his knees behind Raph, both hands running in circles over Raph's shell, so roughly it moved him around. Don had a thing for the shape and the texture, though he'd die of embarrassment before he'd tell anyone that. A remnant of instinct from the reptile brain, he thought vaguely. But Raph was making escalating impatient noises, so Don guided his cock into Raph.

It was weird doing this with just Raph. He'd never done any of this with just one of his brothers alone, unless you counted their brief, frenzied encounter a few weeks ago, or their early days when they didn't really know what they were doing. Would it really cause tension and split the team, like Leo feared? But that was happening anyway, so wasn't it too late to worry about it?

'Never thought it'd be me and Raph,' Don thought. It was funny, but unexpectedly hot as well.

Don moaned – nothing compared to the string of swearing Raph was letting lose — and gripped the sides of Raph's shell, yanking it back toward himself with each thrust. He was hardly done when Raph pulled away and pushed Don down on all fours and crawled over him, dragging Don's hips and positioning his knees and shoulders.

Don felt the head of Raph's cock nudging his cloaca open. It slid in as Raph let out a noisy sigh. Don, out of breath and still feeling hazy with pleasure, tried to focus. Don watched the stripes of white light across his hands – they slid a little on the hardwood floor with each thrust. The long ends of his mask waved, hanging below him. He watched them, feeling detached, as Raph pounded into him and came.

They lay together on the floor for a while. Don woke from his light, relaxed doze when Raph stood up and moved around the apartment. After a few moments, Raph flicked on the TV. Don went to the bathroom to clean himself up, then joined Raph on the couch. Wordlessly without taking his eyes off the screen, Raph passed him an open can of beer. Don took a few swallows, then handed it back. He wanted to relax, but he knew they still needed to walk back home that night and it was a dangerous area. He had to be alert. He thought of himself as the designated fighter rather than designated driver.

"That was good," Raph said when a commercial came on. Don was pretty sure he meant the sex, but he could have meant the TV show too. It was something loud and shallow and mindless, some reality TV show. He settled back, looking very relaxed.

Don sat forward and stretched his tight shoulders.

"I told ya, you just needed to relax," Raph said.

"Sure," Don said, although he didn't remember Raph having said anything of the sort.

"Here, c'mere," Raph said, setting his drink down. He pushed Don down onto the floor. Don wondered how Raph could be ready for round two already, but Raph sat him down facing the TV and slid his hands on the top of Don's shell, behind his neck, then forward and down to his shoulders.

It was almost as good as what they'd done earlier. Raph rubbed his shoulders, sometimes to the point that it hurt, but it worked out the tension. He murmured things like "see, you just need to loosen up". He bent Don forward and used firm pressure to rub his shell, which worked the muscles underneath slightly. Then he slid down onto the floor himself, nudging Don forward with his weight, his legs open around Don's shell and thighs, wrapping his arms around Don's front and resting his head against Don's neck.

Don had never known Raph to be this demonstrative. He had to wonder if Raph was thinking about someone else — about _Leo_. But he also sensed that there was a new connection, an understanding between himself and Raph. They'd been through an ordeal together, just the two of them — the loss, search for, and rescue of Mike and Leo. They alone knew what it was like now to be walking on eggshells around the new, more delicate Mike and Leo, the mix of relief and grief they felt at having them back safe and whole but changed. The two of them were closer than they'd ever been in their lives.

"I've been thinking... maybe we shouldn't call ourselves brothers anymore," Don said, staring at his knees. "All four of us."

"Why's that?"

"Because we do things like this."

"So?"

"Brothers aren't supposed to."

Don felt Raph shrug. "That's for humans. Our situation's different from theirs."

Don almost laughed at how easily Raph said it, as if the issue were so cut and dry. "That may be, but —"

"Don. You could stop using the word 'brothers' if you want, but it doesn't change what we are. Even if you could finally prove we're not related by blood. Even if we do things that humans don't think brothers should do — and who cares about all that. We're brothers." He shifted his chin, resting on Don's shoulder. "Brothers who _fuck_... and will a lot more, when Leo and Mike get their heads back on straight."

"I guess." He glanced at the front door. "You're sure Casey won't come home?" 

"Nah. If he's not bustin' heads, he's with April, bustin' a nut."

Don flinched.

"What?" Raph asked.

"Nothing." Don had suspected April and Casey were together, but they'd never told him. What did April see in him anyway?

"So, why do you keep asking about Casey? And why are you upset he's with April?" Raph asked. "You..." he laughed into Don's neck, "you don't have a thing for him, do you? You want him to come home and join us? I mean, I don't have any real interest in humans myself, but that could be fun, just to try it."

 _Ugh_. This was the side of Raph that Don disliked sometimes. "Absolutely not!"

"Alright, alright, Donnie, calm down," Raph patted his plastron condescendingly. "I always thought you were gay, is all. And secretly _kinky_."

"You're describing yourself."

"Lucky for you," Raph said into his ear, squeezing his legs around Don's hips.

Don sighed. This was so like Raph – get close, then push buttons, then get close again.

"Don't be pissed," Raph said. "You and I have to get along while Leo and Mike figure out this — whatever it is they're going through."

They sat in silence during the rest of the TV show. When a commercial came on, Raph unwrapped himself and got up to go into the kitchen.

When he'd didn't come back by the following commercial break, Don followed him into the kitchen. The fridge was open a crack, but otherwise the room was dark. Raph was leaning against the window with the blinds up, staring outside, sipping another beer.

"We almost lost them," Raph said quietly, without looking up. "Right over there." He pointed up the street.

"But we didn't."

"How the hell did we let them get taken like that. We were right there. _Right there_ , Donnie, I don't get it."

Don leaned against the doorjamb. "I don't know either. But they're ok."

"They're not ok. They're fucked up."

"Yeah," Don said, unable to come up with words of comfort that didn't sound completely false.

"How can that happen? How can these random losers just take them and do that to them. The fuck would make them want to — to do what they almost did to Leo? I don't get it. Why were we so helpless against them? The hell did we train for all these years, if we can't even protect ourselves. We needed the Foot. The _Foot_! Against those idiots. Now everything's wrong."

"Raph..."

Raph crushed the can and threw it one handed into the recycling bin. "I'm glad I got one brother who can still stand the sight of me. You _get me_ Donnie, don't you?"

Don wasn't sure about that, but he went and leaned against Raph's shell, arms draped around him in what wasn't quite a hug. "Yeah."

Raph rested his hand on Don's arm. "Know what we oughta do?"

"Hmm?"

Raph stood up straight with a grin, and said unexpectedly, "Some detective work."

*

"They rebuilt this so fast," Don said. He and Raphael were standing in the alley, staring up at the freshly built wall. On the other side was the inaccessible entrance to the tunnel that led to the dungeon-like room that Leo and Mike had been held in.

Raph's fist clenched and unclenched around his sais. "Yeah. Efficient, ain't they?"

"It does seem odd, as neglected as the rest of this area is." Don crossed his arms, studying the wall, where the repairs met the old blocks. "We've seen bodies lay here for days unnoticed. But somebody was sure in a rush to get this patched up." He sighed.

"Scared." Raph changed his grip on his sai to a reverse grip in a flashy twist. "I might've had something to do with that."

They didn't want anyone coming into the tunnel, Don thought. That probably meant there was either evidence of their identities there, or that they regularly used the room. He touched the join in the blocks, new and old, traced with his eyes the direction the tunnel had gone.

Raph watched him. "Thing is, there must be another way in and out. That tunnel you found, and this one, and however they got out. We could find the way in and…"

"Get revenge?" Don turned to look at Raph, to watch the play of emotion in his eyes in the low light for a silent moment. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought of it too," he said slowly, gauging Raph's reaction, prepared to reign him in. "But thinking it and doing it are different things."

"Fuck, Don. You know if I can, _I will_. What are we ninja for, if we don't take out some dangerous psychos when we have the chance? But – thing is, I _scoured_ this place already. Even the other tunnel you found is blocked up." He touched the mended wall next to Don. "Only way in I know of is your way... _Boom_." He slapped his palm against the wall.

Don was glad that the source of the explosive he'd used was locked and hidden where Raph would never get at it. He formulated a reply about how foolhardy it would be, how much attention the explosion would bring, how much better prepared the enemy would be this time, how difficult to obtain and dangerous the explosive was. How unnecessary to take out someone who likely would never bother them again. Appeals to Raph to hold off. Lies, if need be.

And a sudden fear. Fear that Raph had brought him here and manipulated him just to get to this point. Just to ask Don to get him back in there, so he could get his revenge.

But he hadn't asked yet.

Raph sighed and dropped his hand, fingers instead wrapping around Don's wrist, a gentle but firm action in the darkness. "I'm not asking you to do that, Donnie. Just thinking out loud. We know the room is over there, somewhere." Raph pointed vaguely. "I paced it out as best I could, I just can't find the way in. I'm not ready to give up."

"Do me a favor." Don clutched Raph's wrist in return. "Promise me you won't come here alone again. It's not safe."

Raph smiled, a rare, genuine smile with no hint of smug satisfaction. "You'll come with me? You're worried about me?" A slight teasing tone slipped into his voice.

"I'll come with you when I can," Don promised.

"You're the only one Leo's letting out of the cage these days anyway. Hey. Donnie... Casey'll be out till dawn. You wanna make the most of it?"

"Mm-hmm."

*

It was a few hours before dawn when they came home, having finally had their fill of late night TV, Casey's videos, and sex. Don felt tired and sore but sated.

When they went inside, a light was on.

"Somebody leave that on?" Raph asked.

As they both stood staring at it wondering who was still up — and the irrational thought that maybe Splinter had finally come home crossed Don's mind like an annoying, buzzing fly — Leo stepped forward.

Don could see at a glance that he was upset — far more upset than he would be over them simply sneaking out. Leo glared at them, not only angry but somehow hurt, shaken deeply. Alienated. Lost.

"What's wrong?" Don asked, his fear that something was seriously wrong — maybe something had happened to Mikey — overrode his fear of Leo's anger.

"We heard something in the tunnel. We were just checking it out," Raph lied smoothly, drawing a sai, flipping it, and holstering it, as if it were proof that they had gone out expecting to face a potential threat. "It's all clear."

"That," Leo said, "is a lie."

Don decided to appeal to him logically. "We just went out for some air and exercise. Just a little break. Being cooped up down here all the time, well, I don't think it's good for us. It's starting to have a negative effect. And morale –"

"You think so little of me as a leader? You think the threat is all in my head, irrationally exaggerated?" Leo demanded. "Because it's _not_. I would think, after what Mike and I went through, you'd understand that. I'm keeping all of us down here, demanding more training for a reason. I'm keeping us out of harm's way because of a very real threat. Not so half of us — the half who apparently aren't taking this threat seriously — can put themselves right back in danger. Was it worth it? I bet you went to Casey's, didn't you? To watch some dirty videos, or what?"

"Come on, you're blowing this way out of proportion," Raph began. "It was just a little trip topside. We've done it a hundred times."

"Honestly, Leo, we were careful." Don said.

"Mikey told me," Leo said in a different kind of voice, curiously detached. "He told me you intentionally tired me out so I'd go to bed early. He told me you snuck out not a moment after I left the room."

"God _dammit_ , Mikey," Raph growled, taking a step toward Mike's room.

Leo blocked his path in a heartbeat. "Raph, you cooperated in training all afternoon. You pushed yourself hard, which made me and Mikey work harder too. I admired you for it. I should have known you were manipulating me. You couldn't possibly have followed directions and focused on training unless it was part of some self-serving manipulation."

"It's not like that!" Raph roared.

"And Don," Leo turned to him. "I expected better from you. When you came to me earlier and convinced me I needed more rest… when you agreed to take on some of my responsibilities and help all of us adjust, I never for a second thought it was so you could do _this_."

A cold, shivery sensation flooded Don's body at Leo's words. He hadn't planned it, it was a horrible coincidence, but he could see how Leo would think it.

"Fucking Don had nothing to do with it!" Raph said, then froze as he caught his Freudian slip. "Don had fucking _nothing_ to do with it!" he said, louder, as if bluster could cover it up.

"Leo, I didn't mean —!" Don began.

But Leo held up both hands. "I don't want to hear it. You think I like being your _father_ , policing you? You think I wanted to have to do this? No!"

"Sure you do. It's who you are. It's so ingrained in your personality, you couldn't keep yourself from doing it, even if Splinter was still around. You'd be there, teacher's pet, echoing everything he said. And now you've got Mikey on your side, reporting back to you. Does it make you feel big? Powerful?"

Don thought Leo might hit Raph. For a second, he wanted them to come to blows, to get the tension out. Instead, after a long moment, Leo said, "I'm done. I've said my piece and I'm not getting drawn into another pointless argument with you. I'm going to bed."

"Good. Finally," Raph shot. "Goddam that Mikey," he growled to himself.

Leo spun around. "I swear if you come near Mikey, if you come into his room, if you try to get revenge on him, _I will kill you_."

"What is wrong with you?" Raph shouted. "You're crazy! You're not still tied up in that dungeon, you know that?"

Leo ignored him and went — not into his own room, but Mike's, closing the door firmly behind him. The message, that he was protecting Mike from Raph was all too clear. They heard Mike's voice, low and inquisitive, from inside.

"He's… he's…" Don turned toward Raph, struggling for words. "He's lost it. Oh God, Raph, it's worse than I thought. He's… he's so messed up."

But Raph turned, muttering curses to himself, and stomped back out into the tunnel.

Don, alone and numb, the argument echoing in his ears, the afterglow shattered, turned out the lights automatically and went to his own room. He lay awake, replaying the argument over and over against his will. When he finally dozed off, his mind dredged up disturbing images and words, snapping him awake in a cold sweat.

Things were worse than he'd thought. Leo and Mike were home, but still truly lost.


	21. Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michelangelo - Part 7.1

Raph hadn't come home for several days, ever since Leo had yelled at him and Don... after Mikey had let it slip that they'd gone out. It was as if their lives had already been cracked and that had been the final blow that had shattered them.

Mike had this pressure on his chest and shoulders that made him too uncomfortable to sleep at night, no matter how hard he tried. Sometimes it was in his throat too, and that was even worse.

So it wasn't unusual that Mikey was still awake one night to see the clock in his room flip over to midnight. What was unusual was that _this_ midnight was significant — because it had been five years today — five years since Splinter had gone out, as he always did, to scavenge food and supplies for them — and hadn't come back.

*

_Mike was in bed when he heard Splinter leave. He held his breath and counted to twenty — ok, so he actually only made it to seventeen — listening hard and making sure Splinter had really gone, before getting up and running down the hall and diving into bed with Leo. He'd been doing that for a while, slipping into Leo or Don's rooms after lights out. Not Raph so much, though. Raph — while thrilling — was grumpy and life just seemed to go smoother when everyone gave him plenty of space. Although recently, Leo had been going out of his way to bring Raph in. He'd been insisting that it should be all four of them together._

_Mike liked the things he and his brothers were figuring out they could do with their bodies. It made him feel good. Close to them. Like they shared an understanding just between the four of them. In a world that forced them to keep their very existences hidden, finally here was a secret that they had chosen for themselves. Something special they just shared with each other._

_Leo seemed sleepy at first, maybe not in the mood — but Mike cuddled up against him and chattered and giggled about silly things until Leo started laughing too and put his arms around Mike. Hearing them, Don came in and joined them in bed. Leo sat up, about to go get their last brother, only to find Raph lurking uncertainly in the doorway. They welcomed him in. All of them together, just how it should be, just like everything else they did._

_That's what had happened that night. Mike had pestered Leo into it. They'd listened for Splinter to come back, knowing they'd have to quietly slip back into their own beds to avoid getting caught. Mike didn't want to stop, though, and he'd chanted "please don't come home, please don't come home," over and over in his mind..._

_And then it was morning and he was waking up in Leo's bed to the sound of Leo and Don having a frantic whispered conversation over near the door about Splinter still not being back. Raph vaulted over Mikey's shell to get out of bed and search the lair for Splinter himself. Mike just lay in bed, listening groggily and trying to make sense of it all._

_A little while later, Mike made oatmeal for them, enjoying the rare treat of being allowed to make breakfast alone and unsupervised. He rolled his eyes at Leo's panicky tone as he debated with an increasingly-loud Raph and a jittery Don about if they should really be taking time for breakfast instead of going out to search for Splinter immediately._

_Of course they should have breakfast. They always had breakfast._

_He didn't understand yet what it meant that Splinter, who had never failed to return, wasn't there. It wouldn't hit him until later. Hard._

_On the first anniversary, Mike had thought Splinter would come home for sure. What other day would he pick to return on? It had made perfect sense to him then. He'd been jumpy all day, watching the door, listening for footsteps in the tunnels. But Splinter didn't return._

_On the anniversaries ever since, Mike had always felt miserable, unable to stop remembering and harboring a childish hope. He'd watched his bothers on those days and they were always subdued and quiet — they all knew what day it was, and it still hurt all of them — but they never acknowledged it, never spoke about it. But they'd always been together on those days. Always been there for each other, in an unspoken way._

*

Early in the morning, Mike gave up trying to sleep and got up to make breakfast. He was working on improving his pancakes — he liked them best when they turned out perfectly cooked in the middle but with lacy, crispy edges. He was experimenting with how to get them like that all the time. Sometimes it just worked and sometimes it didn't, and if he wasted a lot of batter in the effort — well, luckily he had hungry brothers who weren't picky about eating his failed attempts — just as long as they weren't _too_ failed.

First Leo (with a newspaper in hand) and then Don (with a book) drifted in and sat at the table. Mike served them pancakes one at a time when they were ready, alternating between them. He liked that he was standing up and was busy cooking. It somehow made the lack of conversation — as well as the empty fourth side of the table — seem less obvious.

Leo and Don ate what Mikey put in front of them and said thank you, but barely looked up from their reading. And they certainly didn't notice if the pancakes had lacy edges or not. When Mike had used up all the batter, saving the last few pancakes for himself, he sat down with them to eat.

Except for the sounds of silverware against plates and pages turning, the room was dead quiet. Reading words on paper had apparently taken the place of speaking. Mike wanted to throw Don's book aside, wanted to rip Leo's newspaper. Close enough to touch, and yet as far away as they'd ever been. He knew he could switch into his _annoying and loud_ mode — he could force them to pay attention to him. He'd certainly done it before. But he wanted them to look at him and talk to him because they wanted to — _genuinely wanted to_ — not because he'd provoked it. And so he sat in silence.

*

After practice (boring, _boring_ stuff about how to defend the lair from invaders), Mike sat down with his notebook, not even caring that his fingers were already sore from the amount of writing he was doing. Because when he was writing, it was as if he was peeling away the dingy walls and ceiling and letting starlight in. It was such a relief. He could experience something wonderful — something mysterious and meaningful. He could create and solve problems all with a few well chosen words. He could _write_ things into their proper places like solving a jigsaw puzzle.

He'd really written his characters into a bad spot last time, and he picked up his pen gleefully. Things were going to get worse before they got better.

_Jaydee awoke to a black starless Martian sky and stone walls. Had he been knocked out in the big fight? Who had brought him here? He stood up and looked around, then chose a direction to walk. There was a small opening to the right. He peered in to find another identical corridor. He continued on the path he'd been on. Next it opened to the left, and again it was a hall with the harsh walls. He continued, observing._ What the hell is this? It's like a maze.

_Jaydee jumped at a small sound, and fell into a fighting stance. Around a corner he saw an arm... a hand lying limply. He thought it was a corpse. It turned out to be Blacken!_

_Jaydee knelt by Blacken's side, terrified that he was dead. Blacken had lost his jacket and gloves. Jaydee rolled him over gently. Blacken groaned a little, somewhat conscious but not really understanding what was happening. His life was ebbing away..._ Think ... THINK _Jaydee commanded himself. Gotta get Blacken to safety!_

_Seeing Blacken like this was hard. Blacken had a powerful presence of being in command, and it was gone. Even in battles when Jaydee had seen Blacken get injured, he was usually still in command, focusing through the pain. Not like this. Not this far away._

_"I'm sorry Blacken. I'm so sorry," he whispered. His commander was going to die tonight. Soldiers weren't supposed to give up, weren't supposed to let their commanders die. Friends weren't supposed to let friends die either. Or brothers in arms. Or... or could it be that they were something more?_

*

After dinner that night, Mike met up with Don and Leo in front of the TV. Wheel of Fortune and then DS9. Mike was distracted. It was getting late and there had been no sign of either Splinter or Raphael. Maybe thinking that Splinter would return today was a bit farfetched, but for Raph to not be here at all... to not be with his brothers on the anniversary...

DS9 turned into Buffy. Leo was sitting on the floor in front of the couch. He was aimed at the TV, but Mike had a suspicion that his gaze was a few feet to the left of it, on the blank wall. Don was disengaged too — when Mikey tried to lean against Don on the couch, Don just sighed and squirmed as if Mike was being annoying.

Without even waiting until a commercial break, Leo stood up, excused himself, and went into his room. Don stuck around until the end of the episode at least, but then he too went to bed.

With a sigh, Mikey turned off the TV. Every bedroom door was closed tight, except for Mikey's. He went into his room, although he wasn't tired, and left his door open a few inches so he could listen for anything going on in the lair. It wasn't yet midnight. He found himself waiting, just _waiting_ , with nothing to do to pass the time.

Impulsively, he dug out a box of his old muscle-men action figures. It had been a great day when he'd gotten them — the whole bag of them, the whole set, in a bag in the trash. He and his brothers had been going through a dumpster one night when Don had held up the bag triumphantly and passed it to Mikey. It was as good as treasure. His brothers had each selected one to keep, but Mikey had the rest of them. Sure, they were battered, with chipped and worn-off paint, only a few weapons and shields left clutched in their hands, their joints loose, and one missing a leg. But they'd been his favorites. They were just some generic line of action figures, not based on any characters that Mike knew of, and so he'd named them all, come up with stories for them all. The three his brothers had claimed had eventually made their way back into Mike's collection as well. He lined all of them up along the edge of his loft now, the one with the missing leg leaning against another one, then stretched out on his back on the floor and looked at them.

Mike hurt — his chest hurt, his shoulders, his back, _everything_. He folded his arms across his face, gripped his head and pulling his forearms in tight, blocking out the light and making it hard to breathe. He wanted to go talk to his brothers, but he'd tried that already, and look at the mess it had caused. Somehow, it had turned his brothers against each other, and made Mikey look like a snitch — when all he'd ever wanted to do was clear the air and get everybody back to normal. And he knew that trying to initiate anything physical would immediately get rejected. Anyway, Raph wasn't here, so they _couldn't_ — all four of them had to be there. That was how their relationship worked.

The floor got cold and uncomfortable, but Mikey didn't get up. He should have explained himself better, or should have kept his damn mouth shut. Then Raph wouldn't have left. Better yet, he should never have let himself and Leo get captured at all. Back on that rooftop over Dementoid Alley he should have done something differently — stopped Leo from from falling into that courtyard, killed the demon faster, shouted for Raph and Don to come help them. He could have done so many things differently, and then none of this would have ever happened.

Time passed without Mike being aware of it. The lair had been quiet all along, but now Mike heard the quiet sounds of Leo coming out of his room and prowling around. He'd taken to doing that recently. In the past, he'd been known to do a quick walk-through to make sure everything was ok at night — something Splinter used to do. But now Leo walked around and around, checking for — Mike didn't even know what. Sometimes, after fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes, the sound of it was enough to make Mike pull his pillow over his head. He knew Leo had the ability to move in absolute silence — why didn't he use it? But the thought of Leo ghosting around out there with no one knowing about it felt sadder. More creepy.

Leo eventually moved on, doing his normal walk through of all the surrounding tunnels. It made Mike feel funny — protected and abandoned all at the same time.

With some great effort, Mikey hauled himself up onto his feet and turned off the lamp, but left his door cracked open. Doubting he'd be able to sleep, he fell into bed.

That was when he heard the front door open. Stealthy footsteps whispered across the lair. Don's door opened. Was that Leo? But Leo's rounds usually took longer, usually at least fifteen minutes. Had Don snuck out and just returned? Or — or could it be —

Mike crept out of bed and into the hallway. Don's door was now ajar. From the shadows, Mike listened to the quiet voices in Don's room.

"I packed what you asked for," Don said.

"You're a lifesaver, Donnie."

Raph's voice. Mike's heart leapt. Raph had come back! Mike could go apologize to him. And then as soon as Leo got back, all four of them could talk things out, and put all of this behind them! Mike took a few steps forward.

"Come with me," Raph said. "You can't live like this, under his thumb with his head all screwed up — and with that snitch Mikey reporting everything back to him."

Mike froze. His guts clenched up.

"I know." Don said, with a sigh. "Leo's really, really not ok. He's paranoid — he's scared of people getting into the lair. He has us training about how to fight them off. I've never seen him like this."

"Ok, so explain to me how you staying here and playing along is making anything better?"

"I just... I don't like it, but me leaving would make things worse. They need things to be normal — they need time."

Raph grumbled a reply, but Mikey couldn't make it out.

"We are. I am," Don said, in a firm voice. "I've been looking into the history of the area, as much as I can find. I printed it all out — it's in your bag. There have just been so many buildings there over the years and the record-keeping hasn't been very good. When they built new stuff they kept parts of the old buildings too, so it's hard to tell where that wall fits into the rest of it."

Another low reply from Raph.

"Raph! You promised!"

"I've got Casey watching my back!" A pause. "But you know I'd rather have you there."

"I can't leave Leo and Mikey. We'd just... with two of us gone, it'd be like we're split down the middle. We'd be so divided." Don sounded muffled, as if he were speaking through his hands. "I worry about you, though..."

"Hey... come on, Donnie."

"I don't know if Casey can handle... it's just — those things are nasty."

"Yeah, and Case... don't like going there, either. Doesn't really get it. Like he always wants to be somewhere else, can't remember why we're there," Raph admitted.

"Hmm. Humans usually seem to have that reaction there. I wish I knew what this whole thing was about," Don said. "Just — be careful, and call me in the minute you find anything big and I'll get out of here somehow. I'll say I'm going to April's. Or — or I'll go _through_ Leo if I have to."

"That's my Donnie. But speaking of _his royal highness_ , I'd better get out of here before he comes back."

Mike took a few hasty steps backwards as Don's door swung open. He just caught sight of Raph coming out with a duffle slung over his shoulder, before Raph stopped short and turned back quickly.

Don's hands grasped Raph's shell and the back of his neck as Raph grabbed Don's upper arms. The two pulled themselves together, their open mouths meeting. Mikey caught a glimpse of their tongues touching. Together, they moved a step or two back into Don's room, out of sight — but Mike could still hear breathy sounds and wet mouths moving together.

Mike didn't want to see any more. He slipped back into his bed, too shocked even for tears. Raph wasn't here to make things better, wasn't here to spend the anniversary of Splinter's disappearance with his brothers — Raph didn't even want to see him or Leo. He'd called Mikey a snitch and Donnie hadn't even defended him — because it was true, after all...

Don's voice came from down the hall. "Go on, before one of them catches you. Leo could come back any minute."

"Yeah. Don't want to deal with his spazz out."

"Raph — you know, even when we find them and get our payback, there's no guarantee it'll fix anything. Stuff... stuff will still be just as screwed up here."

"I don't care! I just — I just have to do this. It's the only way I know how to make things better. Later, Donnie."

Raph's quiet footsteps went out the door. Don's door shut.

Raph and Don were in cahoots over something, but this time, Mikey sure as hell wouldn't tell anyone about it. Still, as he thought it all over, he kept dwelling on the intimacy between them. No matter what else Raph had said, it was the kissing that had hurt Mike the most. But — but they'd _all_ kissed each other before, even when it was separate from sex. Mike had kissed his brothers plenty of times, when he was feeling close to one of them or was apologizing for something or congratulating them — it wasn't an everyday thing, but it wasn't weird either. It didn't go against the rules.

So why did this — why did this feel so horrible? Mike rolled over, catching a glimpse of the clock as he did. 12:07 am. The anniversary was over and nothing had changed. He yanked the covers over his head as if he could block everything out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikey's amateurish writing is actually a snippet of an unposted fanfic I wrote around 1999. All I changed were the names and a few details.


End file.
